important reminder from patty:
"Finally, we begin to see that all people including ourselves, are to some extent emotionally ill as well as frequently wrong, and then we approach true tolerance and see what real love for our fellows actually means. It will become more evident as we go forward that it is pointless to become angry, or get hurt by people who, like us are suffering from the pains of growing up."
i have always felt quite a kinship to that beloved furry monster :p
i love this picture, the press it's getting and how it makes me feel deep in my bones.
i have a huge disconnect with my own body image. i regularly have liam take pictures of me so that i can see myself without my minds eye getting in the way. i realized that this woman in the picture is the size my body is now, i can hardly fathom it. she is so beautiful, and so comfortable in her skin. i pray that we can raise our daughters and sons in a world that doesn't tell them that this is broken or fat or unlovely.
Glamour's Plus Sized Win: Tipping point for more to come?
great article and thoughts:
Mark Scandrette - Love-Making as a Spiritual Practice
Roger Ebert celebrates 30 years of sobriety and writes an un-anonymous 12th step post, it's really beautiful:
Roger Ebert's Journal: My Name is Roger and I'm an alcoholic
Many of you need no introduction to my beloved friend Claudia Mair Burney - better known to many of us in the blogosphere as the Ragamuffin Diva.
There is NO ONE in the world, (yes, even Annie Lamott) who writes my soul like this woman. She has wires and words into the heart of God like no one I've ever read before. Her story is one of pain and triumph and at the base of it all is a heart of a lioness that beats to an awesome drummer.
Mair has been through the ringer of roller coaster land these past few months - with the highest highs (her novel Zora & Nicky nominated for a Christy Award) and the lowest of lows - their old Eagle Spirit got stolen a few weeks ago.
Claudia, Ken & family are saving all their pennies to get down to Lexington to an incredible intentional community there - think Will & Lisa Samson - and she'll be doing work with women who have been trapped in human trafficking. They need to get out of Detroit ASAP and get down to Lexi so their babies can get into school and start their lives surrounded by a strong, beautiful community.
Here's Claudia's post: Will You Join Me In Love?
Life in Inkster, Michigan (think Detroit) has been rough and I really want to speed their progress if at all possible. So many of us support amazing causes and families overseas - I thought maybe, just maybe that generosity might help a little closer to home. Lots of small donations can make a huge difference online - if this could go viral we could really get that family a real start in the deep heart of Dixie. Are you with me?
Will you help?
Here's how:
1. Please use your blog, twitter account, facebook update - any online social networking you use to draw attention to this. We need to love on this family - Claudia is about as discouraged as discouraged can be right now - she needs to feel the love more than anything.
2. Pray - This family needs every level of support - this is a huge move with lots of details on both ends that need to be put in place and tied up - can you please ask God to prepare a place for them and a way to get them there?
3. Give - even tiny amounts online can help - lots of people giving small amounts can change everything.
.
Click ChipIn to donate
Trust me, this woman has already begun to make a big impact on the world around her - a strong community supporting them could make everything change.
Here's just a small sample of why she's stolen my heart:
The Naked Prophetess
For the Journey
Incarnation
i have been horrible at blogging lately. i mentioned on my other blog that i didn't want to have to blog the heartbreak of not getting our house in case it fell through.
well, that also left out documenting the process if it didn't - and it didn't, or did, anyway - it's real. we bought an 85 year old craftsman bungalow that we adore and can't wait to move into.
it's been a glorious process, everything we needed was at hand - it's a beautiful story of redemption and i really want to take the time to document it. i've been journaling the process, but i need to flesh it out.
we've been given $ for a reno of the kitchen too, so we won't be moving in right away. we've got all of july to fix it up, paint, prettify and move. i couldn't be more excited.
it's been 14 years since we have had a home to call our own.
i have blogged more details on my other blog - leave comment if you don't know where that is and i'll contact you with the url.
thanks for celebrating with us. couldn't have done it without you.
i'm at that point in parenting where i'm not "allowed" to talk about my kids anymore. i hate it. so i'm blogging this here so that i remember it.
we took a drive yesterday after a picnic just because we all so wanted to be out and not heading home yet.
we drove through a part of town we don't frequent often and there was a couple playing tennis.
buck says "OH, i didn't know they had tennis courts here"
mom - "i didn't know you liked tennis buck, did you want to learn how to play"
buck "oh yeah mom, it's like ping pong, only you get to stand on the table!"
:D
okay - have identified a major character defect in my life - too much thinking. not enough doing. damn. s.o. s.i.c.k. o.f. i.t.
we have looked at MORE HOUSE than anyone in the history of this little burg - and because i don't have a deadline i can't act. i keep saying 'maybe something else will shake loose' or 'this one just isn't it' or 'i don't have peace' - but mostly it's just that i think too much and do too little.
HATE IT!
we're walking to see a privately listed house tonight - i'm too ashamed to call my realtor to re-see the two that i'm THINKING about now... i've wasted so much of his time. he's a great guy, and so helpful - but i'm pushing the edges of his patience, i can tell...
i told him i was going to come down to his office to do some filing or something... i know it's his job - oh well. i have made a ton of progress on my step 4 by NOT THINKING about it and just doing it - so small victories i guess.
just tired of being frozen.
i have ALWAYS forgotten my blogiversary and wanted to make sure i didn't this year. emerging sideways is five years old now and i can hardly believe it. this place has been a wonderful tool that opened up the world for me when i needed it most.
the greatest gift it has been was showing me that i wasn't alone. i have always felt so unique (and not in a good way) and the beauty of the internet is that it explodes the world by drawing it closer together. blogging is a self-sorting endeavor. readers stay around if they resonate with what you write, and that usually means you are kindred spirits on some level. finding kindred spirits has changed my life forever.
thank you.
i have not needed this blog as much lately as i used to and have even debated deleting it at times. and that may still happen one day, but for today i am going to celebrate five years of pouring out my heart and soul and trying on new ideas and thinking through life and working my program. five very good years.
image of three very good gifts blogging has brought me - erin @ biscotti brain, deb @ abiding and the non-blogging but still ultra wonderful lynne (mike todd's sister, who i met blogging)
i have always had a hard time with affirmations. my rational mind coupled with my bullshit meter really make it difficult for me to not roll my eyes when i even think them or the few times i've been brave enough to look myself in the eyes in a mirror and say them OUT LOUD. i have gotten better, but still find myself thinking back to my beloved stuart smalley memories and feeling pretty pathetic.
so i was surprised at how moving these affirmations fell into my soul. they are beautiful and artfully composed - and my favorite part is the instruction to "click boldly" for the next affirmation to appear.
the one that i really liked was
(cross posted at my other blog too)
Argh.
There, I said it. Aaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrgggggggggghhhhhhhhhhh.
I hate when I find out information that I don't really want, that I wasn't ever looking for and that could, dang it all, change everything.
I was doing some research for ADHD children and came across The Feingold Diet. I read about it and found that there is a part of the diet that eliminates all foods with salicylic acid - and as a side note mentioned that people with allergies to N.S.A.I.D.S. (non-steroidal anti-inflammatories - asprin, ibuprofen, etc.) should probably avoid these foods too.
WHAT!?!?!? How did I not know this? Don't you think this would be something an allergist (who told me I was allergic to NSAIDS) might mention this say, a dozen years ago when he told me I could die if I ever took Motrin again?? Do you know how extensive this list is? Can you imagine never, I mean NEVER, EVER eat a peanut butter & berry jam sandwich again? Never enjoy another raspberry (my favorite of all time) or a fresh picked strawberry, or living in wild blueberry country, never, ever, ever have blueberry pancakes again? No more almonds, no more avocados, red grapes or cherries.
How 'bout trying to give up cantaloupe, raisins, dates, olives, mushrooms, green peppers and tomatoes - I will never have pizza again? COME ON!
I almost hope that it doesn't make me feel better when I give it a try. I can't even imagine how I could live like this. I am the girl who lived on highly refined sugars, chocolate and fast food for most of my life and gave that up, lost 14 sizes and enjoys a life filled with amazing fruits and vegetables now. I haven't had chocolate in 9 1/2 years - and now I have to give up peanut butter & raspberries too? DANG!
Shall I keep going? How 'bout mustard, dill, curry powder and Garam Masala - I'll never get to have Indian food again.
This is brutal. I've been avoiding it for over a month now, I don't want this information and I want to give it back. But deep inside me I am suspicious that I am affected by this and my body needs to find out if it feels better without these foods. So I am praying to be willing to be willing to attempt a fast. I can't even imagine what I could eat, there is just so much that I love now that I will lose.
As someone with an eating disorder, messing with my food is a scary and overwhelming prospect. This will take a lot of intense prayer and dedication and I just am not sure I'm up to it. I just really want to know if it makes a difference. I know that I feel better without all of the junk I used to have in my life. And yes, there are times that I miss chocolate, but I don't miss how crazy it used to make me feel. So this will be a journey, and I don't know when it will actually begin.
First I have to find some alternatives, good alternatives for my standard meals and snacks. I have found that creating a vacuum is not healthy for me and impossible to maintain over the long haul, unless I replace what I am reducing with real, live options. If you have any recipes or suggestions I am open to them. And any prayers and encouragement would really be appreciated.
found out early friday saturday that the woman who originally offered on the house met her conditions. after i went through friday with a very experienced carpenter i was actually relieved. he helped me to understand that some of the repairs, if they uncovered problems could easily extend the house well past it's possible equity and far beyond our limited resources.
i was surprised at how okay i was with the info. reaching and hoping doesn't mean i turn off my brain - just that i risk and stretch. thanks so much for the sweet comments on the last post. nice to know that my absence at blogging didn't mean a loss of my favorite readers. but it did mean the loss of my memory to actually check in to see the comments :p aging brains are for the birds...
what was really cool that came from this experience is that i am no longer afraid to ask for help from people like carpenters and builders and the local man who has been shepherding us through this process has been so affirming of my abilities to handle these men. i had asked him to be the general contractor if we ever got the house - and he assured me that i was up to the job and that he'd stand behind me and coach me if it ever came to an incidence where i felt bullied or over my head.
the other cool thing was that we realized that we really liked the new, modern feel that this house had because of the interior renos - things we might not have ever done for ourselves as we can tend toward the "good enough, and that'll do" side of things. we realized that there are other fix-ups out there - and we just need to find one with some good bones to start with. amazing what a bit of stretching will do a for a soul.
i can't even remember the last time i have sat down to really blog. life has become so full, in a good way, but it has kept me from this thing that i love called blogging. i was emailing with erin (biscotti brain) and told her that in the last 24 hours i feel like i've given birth to myself.
on friday i found out that the university i attend was looking for a kind of dean of students/chaplain position and both liam and a good friend encouraged me to apply. i know they have some internal people applying for the job, and they will most likely have a much better chance, but i knew that my gifts were a good fit for this position and that the process would be helpful for me. i realized also that i have not done a resume for myself in 20 years! 20 years! i have not been paid to work (except casually for projects) in since i had kids and our daughter just turned 13. previous to that i worked for the same employer for 6 years. needless to say it was an effort to turn all of the volunteer work i have done into a career.
some good friends held space for me and challenged me and gave me the much needed push to put this together and yesterday i faxed it off to the president of the school and felt a mental exhaustion very similar to the physical exhaustion i had after giving birth to my kids. i know that this was part of the "thrive" process and i think that april 20th, 2009 was a birthing day for me.
yesterday we put in an offer on the home of our dreams (needs lots of work, so there might be a few nightmares before the actual dreaminess happens), applied for a mortgage and i applied for TWO jobs! after i sent off the resume i was blog reading and one of the gadget blogs i read is looking for an editor. i could do that job for free (don't tell them) because i would enjoy it so much, and even sending off the email was fun. don't know if any or all of these doors will open, but being willing to risk was so important.
the house we had been waiting for (it was a bankruptcy of a failed flip by one of our good friends) finally went on the market last week, but i couldn't move forward on it because i truly believed in my heart that i did not deserve to live in such a grand home. one of my best friends here was furious with me for thinking that way. when we went to move forward we found out that there was an accepted offer already on the house. i was crestfallen. i tought it was another couple from our church who i knew was looking too. i was at least happy that we were going to "keep it in the family". our broker though encouraged us to still bring our carpenter on site and put a bid together in case it fell through.
while standing across the street with my broker and carpenter a van drove up and a woman got out. turned out she was the lady who had the offer in - and she is a known quantity in the community. i was upset that it was not my friends who"won". i had met her casually years previous at her garage sale where she proceeded to tell me (a complete stranger) about her husband's nervous breakdown. i know if i skeedaddled she would give way more information to "my guys" there after i left.
i spoke with my broker later and he said that she (unasked) gave the information that she was having trouble with funding - so he said GET DOWN HERE MONDAY A.M. and we'll put the offer in... we did and while there may be others that offer that we know nothing about we have most likely the least unemcumbered offer of the bunch. we probably won't hear until later in the week as banks are very slow moving (as we know from waiting about 8 months for them to get the house on the market).
i realized after my friend was so furious with me that i had stopped reaching. stopped hoping. i had thought that contentment meant "making do" - and while there is something healthy in that, there can be a lot of broken too. i was content, and i was not "hope-less", but i was not hoping any more. i was not reaching. i was living in fear of disappointment. i told erin that in the 12 hours following i realized that i truly was strong enough to hope again. i was strong enough to have what i dreamed of, and strong enough to bear the disappointment of not getting what i was reaching for - but that it was the reaching that was the important part. so i have begun dreaming again.
so yesterday i felt like i grew up, stretched out my arms and said HERE I AM. as i finished my journal writing last night i wrote with a smile "I'm thriving! I'm thriving!" we'll possibly see how thriving and disappointment can go hand in hand next week... sigh. no risk, no chance, no hope. i want to live with hope, and i am strong enough to be disappointed.
this is something that has become one of my most useful tools of late - instead of shaming myself because of temptation i am learning what it has to teach me instead:
Desire is often talked about as something we ought to overcome. Still, being is desiring: our bodies, our minds, our hearts, and our souls are full of desires. Some are unruly, turbulent, and very distracting; some make us think deep thoughts and see great visions; some teach us how to love; and some keep us searching for God. Our desire for God is the desire that should guide all other desires. Otherwise our bodies, minds, hearts, and souls become one another's enemies and our inner lives become chaotic, leading us to despair and self-destruction.
Spiritual disciplines are not ways to eradicate all our desires but ways to order them so that they can serve one another and together serve God.
buck came home from school tonight and told me he slugged a kid. in his eleven years he's only ever once been pushed to violence. it seems that two punks kids in his class chose today to call him names. one called him 'turnip' which has a form of our last name to it, the other kid started calling him 'tinker' and it ended up as tinkerbell. after about the sixth time buck gave him a shove and felt so bad about it he told me about it first thing.
i loathe violence. i know that buck is one of the tallest, most mature kids in his grade, so he's not going to get bullied, but pestered is sometimes as bothersome. i encouraged him to be more creative than violence, to use his wit and sense of humor to remind these boys that they should think twice about pestering him.
i asked what their names were to help him begin to think of better comebacks than pushing. as he told me the one little boys name, liam and i looked at each other across the room shaking our heads and trying to keep from laughing because the same exact thought ran through both of our heads. the little boys last name was erskine - i said "that boy should be very careful he doesn't mock last names because he could wear a doozie for the rest of his school days" of course, as good parents we did not breathe a word of it to him, but liam joked afterward about having to call the boys father, "er, mr. foreskin, it's about your son..."
Posts
All Comments
