Friday, February 22, 2008

lenten update

how i have missed my morning blogging. it seems i can't rub two real words together after noon. i have enjoyed all of the reading and other things i'm doing during that time, but my best thoughts of the day seem to coalesce first thing in the morning. this is just more of an "oh, yea, i just remembered" kind of post.

i am now officially as of last night a sponsor. i don't have a sponsor, but i was asked last night by a new friend to be her sponsor. i know the timing is right, but i am a bit overwhelmed by the idea. i read a brilliant line at 'the last chance texaco' that said something about not caring about someone else's recovery more than they do - that will help me a lot if i can keep that in the forefront of my mind.

if anyone reading has had a great sponsor or is a great sponsor and has tips, references or any reading you recommend could you please comment or email me? i would be encouraged by that greatly. i realize it is kind of like the situation i'm in with mothering. i don't/haven't had a great role model in mothering, but common sense, reading and input from mothers i respect has helped me to do a pretty good job as a mom. i have never had a "real" sponsor and still don't have anyone i could even ask right now - so modeling myself after anyone isn't possible. she's not the codependent type and we get along well already - so it won't be draining to interact with her regularly.

i just don't really know where to start...

we have a retreat coming up that 4 of us might all go to - but we're not sure if we've left it too long before deciding. hopefully that will give us all a recovery boost, help us to get to know each other better and i might even find someone who would be a possible sponsor for me. i'm tired of being a lone ranger.

my lenten commitments are going well although there are so many mornings that plopping myself down in front of this computer seem so very attractive. i am finding though that the less time i spend on the computer the less it holds sway over me.

buck has been sick and that always messes with his blood sugars, so it's not a lot of fun for him. he's such a social kid that being alone in his room seems like punishment instead of fun. we've played more games of 'crazy 8's' than i can count.

pink & buck's birthdays are coming up and we told them the other day that if there is a party it will be shared because of their friends play together anyway. the idea of planning a party doesn't hold a lot of joy for me, so i thought that maybe i could buy my way out of it. i told them last night that if they chose to forgo a big party that i would give them each $50.00 - buck looks at me and says (totally deadpan) "make it $100 and you've got a deal." even sick he's got a great sense of humor. i laughed and then he said "i'm not joking."

they both have to decide together and they can each have a friend overnight in lieu of a party, so i'm hoping that they'll take the bait. between youth group and sunday school i do a lot of planning and entertaining their friends already.

one of the things i've posted on my other blog is about "don't break the chain" - it's the discipline of choosing a commitment, marking it with a red x on your calendar and for every day you continue you keep the chain going. i have been writing every day - it doesn't have to be anything deep, moving or intelligent, most of the time it's a page in my journal before bed - but i am writing every day and so far have had 93 days. it's a fun way to create a discipline and keep it.

oh, some of you have asked what my response to my friend from bible college was. i spent a lot of time thinking/praying about it and realized that i would assume the best and if he was trying to bait me shame on him. i responded to his message on facebook by saying 'thank you so much for the questions - i love questions and they always make me think. i am really thinking so much about your questions and would love to give them real answers - so they might not come as quickly because my computer time is limited by lent, but i will answer, but i think i'll answer on my blog (the other one)' - he was grateful and i think it will be good for me to verbalize a lot of this in my own name. i have had a lot of interaction lately with people from my "old life" and so many of them are curious about my politics and faith journey now. my facebook profile is pretty shocking to those who thought that i thought just like them. especially when they come from the mindset that what they believe is right and true and everything else is scary lies you must be afraid of. i think that reminding them i am still the same person with a lot less to hide now and a much better spiritual life than i ever had when i was pretending might help blow a bit more air in the balloons of their faith and journey. and it will be good for me to articulate it for myself.

well, i've run out of things that i can remember i wanted to tell you about. hope this finds you well and enjoying your upcoming weekends! much love!


Texaco said...

What do you mean you don't have anyone you could ask right now? How are you going to show someone how to take steps if you haven't been shown? The way a sponsor can show you? One of the parts of this being a "we" program is that "we" share the path and that requires a "we" ON the path.

The men I sponsor know MY sponsor and have his number and see him in meetings.

They know my sponsor's sponsor and have his number and see him in meetings.

They know my sponsor's sponsor's sponsor and have his number and see him in meetings.

Between the 4 of us we've been sober 65 years. There is really nothing a sponsee can encounter that our "family" hasn't been through. I don't mean to be flippant or mean to sound judgmental. I'm not judging. I'm just saying, like my grandpa used to say, "you can't lead 'em where you ain't goin'."

Anonymous said...

I think you made the right decision in responding to your old Bible school friend the way that you did. It's hard to really know exactly where someone is coming from with the written word, particular in this medium. Sarcasm is especially difficult to convey. Good idea to give the benefit of the doubt.

bobbie said...

hey tex - thanks for the wisdom - just a bit of background, we're in a tiny town of 2500 and my friend and i pioneered our oa group here a year ago. she's in relapse, still coming to group, but no where near ready to sponsor anyone, let alone me. and everyone else is a newcomer.

we're 1-3 hours away from any other groups and the few people i have met in the closest group i don't know well enough to see if "they have what i want"...

i have an amazing friend who struggles with both of my addictions (food & sex) and she is recovering from another and we talk all of the time, about everything, blatantly, completely honest, but she's 5 provinces away and we have never met face to face.

i have been in recovery for 12 years now and have never had a sponsor. i know much was from fear, but mostly just no one who worked her program to be healthy, not just skinny.

i'm really hoping that this retreat will allow me to get to know some old timers (if they exist) and them to sponsor me.

i am persistently working the steps intentionally and am presently on step 11. i have never had anyone walk before me to shine a light along the way. it is one of the greatest sorrows i have - and one of my most earnest requests of god.

i read profusely and blog as honestly as i am able. and covet any and all input people have.

i said the other night at my meeting that i had been reading some new blogs that had such an impact on me because they were fearless in their approach to recovery and in their ability to challenge each other. you cut through the crap and don't pull any punches. it's so refreshing and so unlike the everyday world i live in where people smile, feign interest and tell you what they think you want to hear.

i guess i'm too scary in real life for people face to face to tell me the truth. thanks for coming to my blog to kick me in the butt. i'm moving 'getting a sponsor' to the top of my "next list".

bobbie said...

oh, and i didn't find your words judgmental, flippant or unwelcome - i'm really grateful, thank you!

Sarah Louise said...

you're doing good work, honey! I have no advice except keep on keeping on, and I love the quote in the previous post about how he needed one meeting but went to five b/c he never knew which one he would need.

I know this has been said into the ground but it bears saying again--the church could learn so much from recovery ministries (even if they aren't called that.)



Sarah Louise said...

oh, and agreed about how you answered your Bible college friend. I am still seething too much to answer the email I wrote you about. (Too much heat, not enough light yet.)

Anonymous said...

I would suggest that you start spreading your wings once a week and take a road trip to different meetings. How can you work the steps alone? Retreats are great too. Looking forward to my second one this spring in Kentucky.

Theophilus Punk (PLStepp) said...

Thanks for your blog.

I've just read the "Who is Bobbie" entry. One of the great shames of Evangelicalism today is the way we marginalize women and their gifts. Instead of being open, perhaps erring on the side of freedom and affirmation, we err on the side of pharisaic restriction.

I was talking with one of the women at the school the other day. Her church has been having problems with an authoritarian leader, and he finally (after years of choking the church to death on his own ego) retired and moved away. But things haven't gotten better; they've traded ONE dictator for a group of church fascists, men who wouldn't have the courage to be @#$% individually but together constitute a critical mass of recto-cranial inversion. Anyway.

They've had women lead singing. The female songleaders have been doing Bible readings as part of the worship service. The leaders have decided that women can SING, but they can't read scripture, 'cuz that's too much like preaching.



bobbie said...

you're welcome TP! i think that system is so broken that it just needs to be left to die.

if the women in those systems could just walk away and realize there is a HUGE kingdom of god outside the walls of those churches they'd never come back.

if you can empower your friend to walk away and find places of freedom it will change their lives forever. and those little backward places would implode on themselves because the women would leave and they churches couldn't function. it's really the women behind the scenes making those places function.

they only run and are able to run on the backs of those they abuse...