Tuesday, April 08, 2008

silver linings

i have been flat lately. remember when i said that i stood on the edge of the ocean in february and screamed "ha winter, it's february and i'm beach combing! you didn't get me!"?? well it was like winter took that as a challenge and reached out a long arm, scooped me up and said "wanna bet?"

ugh.

these past few months have been hard. some wonderful bright spots, but they just don't seem to push me forward, i enjoy them and then stall again. stalled. that is exactly how i feel.

my sponsoree K is wonderful. we have really come to have a great friendship, one that i cherish deeply. she is really good at finding silver linings. little comments that help me see things from a different perspective.

in talking last night with my sponsor i had a different perspective fall on me. i told her that even though this season has been difficult, we are being present to the yucky emotions that sickness, death and winter has brought on - i am not eating them or stuffing them, but sitting with them - and (here's the ah-ha) i realized that my program is working. i might be on auto-pilot some of the time, but my food plan, my daily routine and my tools are doing the hard work for me because in the good times i have worked my program. that felt really good. so that's my silver lining for today. what's yours?

1 comment:

togenberg said...

I sent an email to emergingsideways@gmail.com a few days ago (from togenberg@gmail.com); was that okay?

Excrable winter. I suppose you showed hubris by challenging Winter like that, but still, Winter's an ass. (And as a Minnesotan I should know.)

I'm so glad of your sponsoree. *Such* a gift. How wonderful.

I've a lot to learn about being present with the yucky ones; I do it out of disgust rather than idealism because if I don't do this they get worse; I get worse. But in my own way through therapy this past year I've been sitting with (and being rent by and screaming and disociating because of) them. It's so hard. But it's real. It is. And that's a silver lining.