Thursday, May 27, 2004

my arms are tired

i have recently realized that although i am 38 years old i am post-modern. i attribute this to the fact that i have had to work my whole life to "construct" the things my parents should have had in place for me. coming from a family of generational alcoholics i realized that i live 'deconstructed' in my natural state (i.e., no one watching).

it's the modern stuff i have to work at - try harder for and pretend at to make the modern people in my life (my church) happy.

i long for an emergent church in my area so that i can stop holding up the 'xian mask' and playing the nice game. it's exhausting. i used to think it tired everybody else out too - but then i realized they came from 'constructed' lives - deconstruction was too much work for them, they felt safer with the mask, and some even had it permanently etched to their faces.

i hope we find it soon, my arms are getting tired.

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