as a woman in the church i have borne much shame about my lack of gifting in the area of hospitality. i wasn't raised in a home where hospitality was really practiced because of my mother's illness, so it doesn't come naturally to me.
having my inlaws here last week and managing much better than i have ever done in the past was encouraging, but by the end i was absolutely exhausted and really frustrated (ashamed) with myself for it not being stress-free and effortless like some women seem able to manage.
i have figured out one of the reasons for my 'company-itis'. being a compulsive overeater i spent years of my life obsessing over food. during the recovery i've had in the past 5+ years i have learned to set that obession aside. it's difficult to parent/housewife sometimes because of this but we all seem to manage. until company comes.
i found last week i felt like i was running a restaurant. all i did some days was cook, clean up, plan and cook again... company forces me to obsess about food again. i know that having an 'eating plan' is a healthy step in recovery for OA, and it's one that i've never mastered. it just seems to bring my mind conastantly back to food - but it's probably a lie - and once i really did it i'd probably find i thought about food much less in the long run. i just can't seem to get to a place where i take the time to plan and get organized enough for it to flow instead of always looking like work.
my father and favorite aunt will be coming in mid-august. i am now preparing for this mentally. they are much easier to host, a. because my father has lived with us and knows that i can be a bit psycho at times... and b. my aunt is an amazing cook and she will take some of the burden off of me (which liam's mom didn't do at all). but i really want to learn from last week and build on it. so i am attempting to really feel the feelings of inadequacy and shame, keep was is real, set the rest aside and learn from it all so that i can stand on-top of the experience instead of being buried by it.
hope your day finds you all well!