Thursday, October 12, 2006

lowered expectations...

am i the only person in the world who would like to carve 'special days' out of the calender with a big fat knife? how can i still set myself up for disappointment? each year i think i lower the bar enough - and yet here i sit.

i hate valentines day, christmas morning, anniversaries and birthdays. i love to watch other people open up their gifts and celebrate with them, but just leave me out. i'm so done.


lori said...

OH I DO TOO! and I've never heard anyone else say it before! I've never really analyzed it but I feel the weight of special days approaching long before they hit...sometimes I hate the prep and having to pull myself from the things I reeaaaaaally like to do to address special days, sometimes I can't meet people's expectations (5 kids) and feel crappy about it, sometimes I just hate the shallow hype and Ugh! I HATE my own birthday with a passion!

...but you're not talking about that, are you? you sound like your expectations aren't being met...(mine often aren't either. i buy my own roses now and have even bought my own christmas presents at times!)

I've been reading through your posts today, nodding as I go along. Thanks for writing what you feel and have experienced so transparently. I relate to so much.

Amy A. said...

I am that person who is lazy about holidays. I don't buy the turkey until the day before Thanksgiving and then have to hurry to defrost it, and we end up having lasagna. In fact, I've given up turkey for Christmas, so my family expects lasagna and it has become a tradition.

I don't have any presents bought until Christmas eve. Our cards don't go out until the 28th. Nothing gets shipped on time. I panic, knowing I will disappoint

My children know to make up their own costumes for halloween, they remind me to take them shopping to get something for their dad and they will sneak away from me in a store to get something for me when it's my birthday.

I am such a poor planner. I really like holidays and I do make an effort, but it is usually last minute, slap-dash kind of stuff.

Thank you for sharing this. I know this is an area in my life that needs to looked at, but never realized I am hurting my loved ones by not giving the attention a special day deserves.

Amy A. said...

One more thing. I think for me it is about money. I get concerned about the extra spending, so I put off planning something big. I try to make homemade, meaningful stuff, like scrapbooks or collages, so I guess I do try, but not in the way that I feel it should be done. It's smaller when maybe I should make it big.

Well, once again you've given me a lot to think about.

Love you, Bobbie! I hope your day is special regardless of the emotions your dealing with today.