Friday, October 19, 2007

senseless violence

i can hardly type because my hands are shaking so badly and i can hardly see because the tears just won't stop. my best friend from college is facing the most horrific thing a mother could ever face. her husband turned himself into the police for the murder of their youngest daughter.

i hated this man long before this. i begged her not to marry him. i stood up as matron of honor at their wedding only because of my great love for her and her insistence that he wasn't who i thought he was.

i am so angry. i am so confused. i hate the theology that keeps a woman with a bastard of a husband who threatened her and i have always believed was sexually abusing her daughters.

it's splashed all over the front pages of the news. the home i sat in with her. helped her hang her curtains in is cordoned off by police tape because their beautiful, angelic daughter lie dead inside. if i could i would kill him myself. why didn't he kill himself? he threated to kill her once before. she swore the counseling worked. oh god why? they were involved in their church, he worked for a huge christian retailer in their city and all of "their" best friends knew him from childhood. how could no one stop this?

i can't get in touch with anyone so the only information i have is off of the news websites. i'm so broken. i begged her not to marry him. damn it all. bastard. i can't understand why he didn't kill himself. their girls have played with my kids every time we were in the city. how do i tell them? what do i tell them?

i had already left for school this a.m. and liam got a phone call from one of the youth we worked with decades ago. he came to tell me before class. we didn't have very good information and i thought originally it was the older daughter. she has struggled with emotional problems her whole life. i was positive it was because he was abusing her. i thought when it was her that at least she didn't have to live with this her whole life. now to find out she does and worse makes me sick within my very soul. how do you recover from this? how can this be redeemed?

i called her house number thinking it was her cell and the answering machine had the young daughters voice on it. i could hardly leave a message. that is all she has left of her now. that small voice on a recording, so happy and cheerful. oh god, please, please help in ways i can't even imagine. please pray. pray for wholeness to be brought from these horrible pieces. and for a bubble to surround them so they can't be injured any more through this ugliness. and that it wouldn't kill their hearts. the god they serve is still that hard, cold god from my past. pray that he becomes more real to her through this and that the ugly theology we were raised with can't make more of a mess of this than it has already.

15 comments:

don't eat alone said...

What incredible pain for all of you. I will pray.

Peace,
Milton

anj said...

I am so sorry. The sky is grey today, the rain falling, I hold you in the Light that seems non-existent,in the goodness that I know is the heart of Jesus. Hugs to you from far away.

Hope said...

I am so sorry. I remember you telling me about this family. Lifting the whole situation up in prayer. Do really good self care today, k?

Anonymous said...

Praying here, thinking of you and your friends family.

Matt said...

my prayer are with you and your friends.

Kel said...

peace that passes understanding

if it's possible, that is my wish for you

Sarah Louise said...

prayers and hugs...

Deb said...

I'm so, so sorry. I'm praying...

Shaz said...

I have come via Robert and I am floored by my first visit. I am immediately going to pray for you and this family, I am so sorry and I do hope I havent intruded especially during this tragic time.
May God be with you all I am so sorry.

Wayne Stratz said...

peace be with you

Warren said...

I won't presume this will help at all, but I offer it to you:

http://warrenswhimsicalwebzine.blogspot.com/2007/10/greatest-trophy.html

Sue said...

I have no words. I'm praying.

wilsonian said...

So sorry...
Praying for all concerned.

blair said...

bobbie.... there are no words for this kind unfair, unjust, and horrific situation. I am so sorry. Keeping you in prayer now.

steph said...

Once more I am adding to my list someone in HUGE pain and it connects to the circle of faith. My heart, already weeping, feels your anger, and can only dimly comprehend the pain this mother must feel. May the Almighty send those who will know when to speak, when to be silent, and when to hold the tears with her.