today was a glorious day. i awoke feeling like something had lifted. liam had taken the day off so that we could share a day alone, we got the kids off to school, made love in front of the roaring fire and luxuriated in a space where we had no where to go and nothing to do. he made me steak and eggs for breakfast and we even went out for chinese later in the day. we paid bills, caught up on paperwork and planned a mini-vacation to celebrate our kids upcoming birthdays. i am not sure if it's just a temporary moment, but i was present in my body, it felt like mine again somehow and i shared the day with my beloved.
i'm heading into a weekend with a lot of work to do and more social activity than i have had in a really long time. looking forward to it, but as always afraid that my resources will run dry. i have found that it is a quirk of my personality, one that hoards time and feels like the stamina needed to be social. knowing that i'm not the only person who does this helps some, but it still makes me tired just thinking about it all.
so here i am, showing up to the page, it's late in the day and i don't have a lot of deep thoughts, just wanted to be consistent in my commitment, and i have to keep reminding myself that i am doing it for me as no one seems to be reading... i am worth the effort, even and ever only for me.