2006!

via drew

tgif!

wow - one week from today, if all goes as planned, we will be pulling into st. stephen. hard to believe!

pink's party last night was a wonderful time - girls are WAY more fun than boys, well, maybe not fun, but sure a lot more social. i served spaghetti and garlic bread with pineapple/orange punch w/ sherbert - it was so fun to wait on them hand and foot. pink was in her glory. i sat and filmed one of the games where she sat in the center w/ a blindfold and the other girls spun around her in a quasi-mulberry bush kind of game and was so moved at the metaphor of her being surrounded by her bestest friends, encircled in love before she launches out on this new phase of her young life. it was beautiful.

today peace is reigning in our humble home - thank you for your prayers and encouraging emails. they have meant the world to me. please know that although it sounds corny, they are truly wind under my wings! much love!

all companies should be run like google!

Official Google Blog: I'm feeling silly

ONE WEEK!

feeling much better this morning. survived the boys party and actually had a really good time. whatever they pay children's pastors it isn't enough though. i'd take 500 teenagers over a dozen pre-teen boys! their favorite game was 'musical statues' - not enough room to play musical chairs, so we played musical statues which turned out to be actually more like a dance... the kids went nuts - dance until the music stops and then freeze. a room full of 8-10 year old boys sure think they can dance! pink got to play too and i never imagined what it would do to mom and dad to see her dancing with a room full of boys - yikes! that video will be used for blackmail in a couple of years!

so the girls come tomorrow night and today is filled with the last loads of laundry and packing away the clothing.

pray you all are having a wonderful wednesday!

t-17 and counting

just in for a bit of a 'grown up' break before my house is invaded with a dozen or so little urchins of the male species... yikes. what was i thinking?

deep breathe and only 3 hours, i can do it... right? :O

liam is in charge of entertainment - i just have to get the pizza and serve the punch, greet the parents and hang up the coats. i think i can manage. it's just hard thinking about all of the other stuff i could be doing instead. but i know buck is worth this time and it's big changes for him too.

thanks for the encouragement and prayers!

happy st. stephen's day!

i have been doing some research in the past couple of months with our move and because we are moving to st. stephen, i decided to find out when his feast day was. guess what? it is today - boxing day!

so happy st. stephen's day! i also found that it is mostly an irish holiday, so i am claiming it for liam and my children (liam's parents are off the boat irish) so other than being 100% canadian, he is also 100% irish. they call it 'wren's day' over there and i found out this in wikipedia:

St Stephen's Day is also a popular day for visiting family members. A popular rhyme, known to many Irish children and sung at each house visited by the mummers goes as follows:

The wren, the wren, the king of all birds,
On St. Stephen's Day was caught in the furze,
Up with the penny and down with the pan,
Give us a penny to bury the wren.

St. Stephen's Day is also the "feast of Stephen" referred to in the Christmas carol Good King Wenceslas.

In Britain, Australia, New Zealand and Canada, St. Stephen's Day is known as Boxing Day.

so happy wren's day, boxing day, st. stephen's day and second day of christmas everyone!

merry christmas!

a soft place to land

i blogged this a.m. on the family blog (email me if you want the link) about our 'next' home. it's a temporary stop on our path, a short-term rental, but it will be a soft place to land, and for that we are so very grateful.

i poked around the real estate website this morning to try to make it feel real. right now the 'next' feels so ethereal - so floaty and dream-like - hopefully this will make it more tangible.

hope all is hopping happily in your holiday season!

invites away!

finally, i have planned, scheduled and finished the invites for pink and buck's bon voyage parties. originally they were supposed to be 'one' party, but their respective best friends had opposite travel plans for the week after christmas. so now we have two, count 'em 2 parties next week... i am fulfilling a promise and allowing them to say their good-byes to all of their friends.

the invites turned out really cute and it was fun to be doing something other than packing or cleaning.

yesterday the house went 'on the market', so it had to be clean and presentable for pictures and the real estate agent. feels good to have that off my list too. (and to have a house that is back 'in order').

most of the presents are wrapped, all the shopping is done and i just need to figure out what i'm taking to my cousins on christmas day. very nice not to have to be cooking up a storm myself!

hope all of your holiday preperations are going as planned!

2 weeks!

14 days doesn't make it sound any longer does it? we move our whole lives, family and stuff to another country in 14 days. yikes.

the other day liam and i were making our many lists and he looked at me and said 'whoever thought we were responsible enough to handle something this big?'

we've both been looking for grown ups to take responsibility on some of this stuff - i can't believe that it's 'us' who are really the grown ups here. hard to believe. i think you know you've grown up when there is nobody left to blame but yourselves.

we got a really good deal on the moving van and it's guaranteed to be a new model truck. it's the biggest offered, so i know we'll have room. i was afraid to go for a smaller vehicle in case we ended up having to make too many really big decisions at that late time while we're exhausted and frazzled.

we have cut our belongings in half - sometimes only keeping 1/3 of the stuff we've accumulated. pink and buck have been amazing at clean sweeping and sorting through their things to find only the things they love.

we're seeing a bit of anxious behavior in buck. tears are more frequent and his frustration level is much lower than usual. pink isn't sleeping well (but i remember that as a problem in my own childhood, so it might not be the move...) and she's a bit more desperate in her clingy-ness. please pray for them. this is still an adventure, but i'm afraid that they could be participating just to please us and covering up their sadness. i really want them to get stuff out if it's bothering them. unfortunately i find they are just at that age where they don't have the ability for critical thinking yet. so 'other things' are verbalized as what is really bothering them.

i know christmas and new years, and bon voyage pizza parties for them in between the next two weeks will give them lots to look forward to in the mean time.

again, we covet your prayers. liam and i are holding up pretty well. my dad's a much calmer man since i helped him to verbalize his stuff and make some plans for his life. there were times last week that i felt like he wasn't going to make it through all of this emotionally. he just gets so very overwhelmed. it's like dealing with a 13 year old sometimes. gosh i'm gonna miss him.

well, i best get my act together here, thanks for listening.

decorate christmas cookies online!

decorate cookies online!

our moon shot

they don't need your money, they want your voice! have you joined the campaign to make poverty history??

bono writes:

We must keep the positive pressure on our leaders if we want them to follow through. Americans must give these leaders permission to invest just a fraction more of the budget in what we know works, from $5 mosquito nets to drug treatments that cost pennies apiece.

If ONE thing is certain for 2006, this campaign will keep growing, your voice will grow louder, your compassion and thirst for justice will keep saving more lives. By 2008, ONE needs to have 5 million supporters, each of us doing what we can, learning more, telling friends, calling Congress.

Take one minute and ask three friends to join ONE and make the impossible possible with you in 2006.

Beating AIDS and extreme, stupid poverty, this is our moon shot. This is our generation's civil rights struggle, our anti-apartheid movement. This is what the history books will remember our generation for — or blame us for, if we fail. We can't afford to fail nor will we.

We've come a long way, and we've got a long way to go. Now let's really get started.

will you be one of my three friends to sign up today?

sign the ONE declaration today

purgatorio: You Know You've Attained Dispensationalist Divine Status When:

this made us laugh out loud this morning - marc, you crack me up!

purgatorio: You Know You've Attained Dispensationalist Divine Status When:

i need words

I need words
As wide as sky
I need language wide as
This longing inside
And I need a voice
Bigger than mine
And I need a song to sing you
That I've yet to find
I need you, oh
I need you
I need you, oh
I need you
To be here now
To be here now
To hear me now
To hear me now

-david crowder band

what can brown do for you?

feeling

a day apart

yay, i'm off to spend some much needed time alone today. unfortunately i can't spend it in silence and solitude - i will be the one trying to maintain my silence and solitude at target and other retail establishments... sigh. must finish christmas shopping. it's only my love for liam, pink and buck that is motivating me into those dens of iniquity! ha ha! i have nothing against them in this asinine 'war on christmas' - i just loathe paying those kind of prices! i'm so dang cheap!

then i get to meet a new blogger friend for dinner - i'm so very excited!

hope you are all having a blessed advent. it's meaning more and more to me each and every day i 'wait' to move. packing is coming along smartly, but it's a lot of work to keep going. ttfn!

panexa - the cure to all my ills

i think i'll ask the dr. to put me on this.

thanks jim!

augustine interviews god

maggi dawn linked to an amazing link today. thought you might enjoy it as much as i did. thanks maggi!

augustine interviews god

weird movie request

hey all, just a wonder if you could help out. my cousin is a psychology professor and one of her students is doing a project. i don't know the details, but she needs movie clips of people brushing their teeth. strange, i know.

do you know of any? please leave in comment, i'll forward them to her. thanks!

you were wrong mrs e!

You Passed 8th Grade Math

Congratulations, you got 8/10 correct!

Could You Pass 8th Grade Math?

do you belong in middle earth?

Elvish


To which race of Middle Earth do you belong?
brought to you by Quizilla

thanks bro maynard

top 5 for 2005

2005 will go down in my history books as a year i will never want to live over. i am so ready to put an end to it and live in the new that 2006 will be bringing for us. 2005 held so many changes, so much pain, and many disappointments. There were many bright spots and moments that changed all of us forever - it was a pivotal year, but one that i'm ready to put down in the history books.

corner bob is encouraging bloggers again this year to remember the year with a top 5 list. i took the time this morning to re-read through my year of blogging and i must say i can't believe so many of you are still reading my words. what a negative year i've had. yuck. lots of anger, hurt and pain poured into my keyboard this past year - i'm ready to put it behind me! i'm sure you are too! thanks for sticking with me this year - you have all made it do-able - knowing i wasn't alone and feeling your support has been extraordinary. thank you!

i've ended this with my hopes for 2006 - they are big hopes, big dreams and there are even more than 5 - but those will come later. it is with great anticipation and expectations that i enter 2006 this year. i am so ready for change. the best part of it is that i get to take the blogosphere with me, that doesn't change. thanks for sticking by me this year. you're the best!

my top 5 for 2005

1. i'm expecting
2. a mirror to our souls
3. and what a time it was
4. five golden rings
5. 525600 minutes

Top 5 moments of the year:

1. participating in the 1000 journals documentary
2. being reborn during the dcb's 'deliver me' and 'you are my joy' worship at nywc in pittsburgh (i haven't blogged about this yet...)
   
3. the whirlwind east coast tour of 2005
4. family sabbatical fall 2005
5. watching liam choose life and health and growth this year, there has been nothing like it.
   

Top 5 movies: (lame list, i don't see many and i have a horrible memory for things like this)

1. Narnia (even though i haven't seen it yet)
   
2. Hotel Rwanda (i didn't see it until this year on dvd)
3. HP Goblet of Fire
4. Shrek 2
5. Whale Rider (didn't see it until this year either)

Hopes for 2006

1. Smooth move to NB, no surpises financially or logistically
2. COMMUNITY, real kingdom life together with kindred souls
   
3. Real friends for Pink & Buck - best friends, the kind you remember forever.
4. liveable wages and benefits so we are able to remain debt free and live generously
   
5. to begin our masters in ministry, something i only ever dreamed of before
   

farewell 2005, a year of transition!

the end of the dig??

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

the daily dig is now a thing of the past.... sigh. i am so very sad.

what happened? does anyone know?? the whole site is down. very drastic, i hope everything is okay...

UPDATE: i found a cached webpage that talked about plough publishing closing up and selling their equipment so that they could focus on their internet operations, and now this. i hope everything is okay.

UPDATE #2: here was a comment left in my inbox: hey bobbie -- i'm not familiar with your blog, but i'm trying to get the word out about http://www.bringbackbruderhof.com -- which i'm hoping can be a place where folks can voice their sense of loss. i'm going to lump it all together and send it to bruderhof...at the very least they'll know how much their site meant to us... could you help spread the word? - so if you're sad like me take a visit.

venti venting

don't mind me, i'm in need of a good vent... one of my 'best' friends here has a bad habit. i try with all of my might not to hold it against her. she's still on the un-merry-go-round of busy. but it hurts and i need to get it out, and here is safe, so if you don't mind this is just for me...

i hate time limit friendships.

'i have 20 minutes, can i stop by?' 'i have to go do this, but i thought i'd give you a call...' it's her way of protecting herself.

she thinks it's healthy boundaries, but what it does is say 'hey, i have this list here, and this list is the most important thing, and right here, on this list is your name, with a ticky box next to it, and i want to check it off so i can convince myself i have no guilt to bear. so i'm calling/stopping by to see you for my 20 minutes before i go and do the real stuff that's really important that i don't want your guilt to tie me up into, so hi, can i have a hug, gosh i miss you, goodbye...'

i was having a really productive, good day and now i feel like a tornado just blew through... so don't mind me, i just wanted to be able to stop spinning about it and get it out... i'm feeling better now... goodbye.

OptOutPrescreen.com

in keeping with the anti-credit theme i've got going on this week i wanted to give ya'll a head's up on something i've just found.

are you tired of the 100's of credit card applications sent to you monthly?? did you know you can "OPT OUT"??? i did not until today. you can opt out for 5 years, or permanently - yipee!

with moving i knew that whomever bought out home would be receiving our mail after the forwarding stops, as we receive the mail of the person who lived here over 10 years ago - tons of her credit card applications. i am afraid that the next person would use these applications to possibly hijack our credit.

so, to put an end to the millions of trees who must give their lives so that citibank can capture my non-existent credit card business and to keep my name out of the hands of others we here have opted out - now you can too:

OptOutPrescreen.com

and it makes you go hmmmmmmmmm...

google quote of the day:

Where all think alike, no one thinks very much.

- Walter Lippmann

i fear it is a common malady in the church today...

Always Christmas for Visa?

consumer's union is petitioning congress to begin credit card reform. they have developed a great reminder for all of us during this time of temptation when wants become 'needs' so very quickly because of available credit and the deep desire to provide those we love with gifts we can't afford but long to give.

even if you aren't interested in supporting the petition take a look at the cartoon - it's a great reminder before you head out shopping this week!

It's always Christmas Time for Visa Cartoon

a great explanation of post-evangelicalism

steve bush from generousorthodoxy.net has written a great explanation over at emergent-us, describing the difference of the evangelical mindset and the post-evangelical direction many are taking, myself included.

Postconservative evangelicals believe that the conservative's’ privileging of the doctrine of biblical inerrancy is mistaken. Inerrancy is a data-centered approach to Scripture, whereas postconservatives practice a person-centered approach. In our view, the Bible is not a repository of facts, but rather a witness to a living person: the resurrected Jesus Christ.

We have other theological questions for our conservative friends. Conservative evangelicals tend to see salvation as an individualistic affair, postconservatives emphasize the communal dimension. Conservatives tend to see hell as a place of eternal, conscious torment after death; postconservatives are concerned about this-worldly hells of genocides, slums, and diseases. The postconservative attitude towards non-evangelical and non-Christian thought is an attitude of critical but receptive openness. We are not zealous to debunk non-Christian views, but instead seek to find what is valuable in other perspectives.

And we postconservatives have social and political differences, too. We'’re not trying to fashion America into a Christian nation or put God'’s stamp of approval on the imperial ambitions of the United States. We do not think that one's gender disqualifies one from any position of leadership in home, society, or church. Further, within progressive evangelicalism, you will find not uniform prohibition, but a variety of opinions, regarding the moral status of committed homosexual relationships. Our response to poverty goes beyond charitable gifts and soup kitchens. We want to talk about and practice justice. We'’re concerned about educational funding disparities, inner city unemployment rates, and global trade inequalities.

corrections

while at the new york times website yesterday i noted the link called 'corrections' on their sidebar. wouldn't it be great if all the mistakes we make in life could just be cleared up in a tiny unnoticeable corner of our blog? if anyone cared to look they could see our mistakes and our confessions, but if they didn't they would pass by unnoticed and with far less humility than it takes to own our blunders to the people we have injured or grieved.

i have felt lately like my size 11 feet have trampled and distressed all of those around me. (and really there aren't many, i've been living a pretty isolated life lately, but still have stepped in it far too many times for my liking.)

i received a phone call from the worship pastor's wife last night. she has been the real true friend from around here in all of this who has stuck by me, reached out and listened to me kvetch and moan about all of the struggle. we are kindred in our dysfunction, family junk and take on life. she asked 'hey, god had you on my heart all of yesterday so i just had to call and ask why?"

i was reduced to tears in a matter of minutes pouring out my fear that if i can't even live in this isolated community without stepping in it at every turn, how am i ever going to live in the kind of community my heart longs to dwell? it is one of my biggest fears in this move. what if they don't like me? what if we go all of that way and i still have to pretend i'm somebody i'm not? what if i have to be the wilting female with no opinion just to be included?? i never had that sense while we were there, but oh how it terrifies me to admit this fear.

what if i'm unfit for community?

what if i am the constant square peg looking for that round hole? is it truly going to be the story of my life?

so i have made my corrections, confessed my sins and received forgiveness, but still lurking deep in my heart is the desire to be accepted and loved for who i am when i am my true self. i guess that's all i can do. own my stuff, show my heart and keep trying to live an authentic life as a christ follower. i just am so tired of walking this path with so few beside me.

tearing off the scab

there has been a scab on my soul, maybe not covering the whole of it, but a pretty good chunk, and not much gets through, especially any sadness or deep emotion. hope tore that scab away today. it's a good thing, hurts like hell, but i really needed it.

one of the most damaging parts of 'emerging' is that you can leave the place you've emerged 'from' behind you and judge it as finished, the past, shallow and ineffectual. i have done that with the evangelical church, and with those we are leaving behind. hope's post 'cracked for good' just cut like a scalpel into the hard crust i have let grow through pride, hurt and woundedness. the scab served it's purpose. kept me from bleeding dry, kept me able to face the future instead of falling into a heap somewhere in the past. but it's also cut me off from friends here - friends i had judged as lacking because they didn't rally to support us publically, or leave the church stomping mad. the fact that they were still there, slogging away, stuck in the busy, crazy life that church requires allowed me to write them off. to silence their stories.

hope writes:

As I have journeyed along a fairly crooked path I have tried to distance myself from where I have been, after I've left it. It was too confusing to embrace the good things about a spot on my journey when I was moving on. It felt like I was both right and wrong and when you are set on being right that doesn't work very well. Black and white thinking resists the shades of grey that real life exposes.

that grey shade is where the emotion dwells - and this emotion hurt too much to dwell there. it's so easy to judge 'them' as small minded - i was open minded now - i was leaving to find jesus - from a place where i couldn't see him any more. i assumed that meant they couldn't find him there either. i became the thing i was judging them for - the black and white thinker who could rule their path ineffective.

she continues:

Wherever I have been on the journey I have often felt the (insecure) need to feel as if I am at the head of the pack.

Have you ever rounded a corner and ran smack dab into someone? I would have been fine except I kept running smack dab into Jesus in the lives of people whose journeys I would have previously dismissed. He kept showing up in places I was sure he wasn't. And I don't mean places you might think. I mean in the lives of people whose spiritual path was different from my own or whose spiritual path has them in places I used to be. People I would normally feel threatened by. And when I find His story in the lives of those I want to distance myself from it gets uncomfortable living in my skin.

I have lost count of the number of times I have read someone's blog and sputtered because where I would have once dismissed them and their journey, I saw God. What was God doing there? Dismissing them would mean dismissing their story and ultimately dismissing God. And oh, I know the sparks that fly when anyone wants to dismiss my story. I can't have it both ways. So often I have read something on a blog and found it didn't fit my preconceived ideas yet it contained that indelible ring of truth which meant I had to make room for it instead of tossing it out for comfort's sake. "Just how small is your God anyway?" pushes against my edges continually.

It's been hard to honour Jesus when I find him in places I was too prejudiced to think He could be. I recognize Him there but I still struggle with feeling I have to let go of what I believe to make room for your beliefs. I realize I've labeled people and their traditions, as good or bad, acceptable or unacceptable. In having to face all this I find that seeing Christ in everyone means that the next time I round a corner and run smack dab into Jesus that instead of saying "It can't be You." I simply acknowledge, "Oh, it is You."

this next month is going to be full of goodbyes. i haven't wanted to admit how much they are going to hurt. how much we will miss many of these very good folks here. how much their lives have affected ours and how moving away will leave holes. i don't like holes. it was easier to dislike them, judge them and leave them. i know that the holes would have showed up 'there' instead of 'here' if i hadn't admitted the pain.

the arrogance that came from the fact that because i couldn't find jesus at that church any longer made me think that they couldn't find him there either. how sad. i want to honor their stories, their paths and their friendships. it will make this month more emotional, more dificult, but richer and deeper none-the-less.

thank you hope. your gentle words helped me to pick off the scab that has been covering all of this up and allowed me not to miss out on something that i would have regretted later. i'm so glad your story and mine have intertwined here in the blogosphere!

seven things meme

from renee

Seven Things to Do Before I Die
1. get off this continent and see the world.
2. write books and get them published.
3. plant a community.
4. paint on canvases.
5. start a storytellers circle.
6. open a coffee house.
7. go whale watching.

Seven Things I Cannot Do
1. keep my mouth shut...
2. tolerate cruelty.
3. fake anything.
4. remember things that fall off my radar without a list or a reminder.
5. absorb information that is not organized well.
6. math.
7. listen to christian radio.

Seven Things that Attract Me to My Husband [romantic interest, best friend, whomever]
1. liam's eyes
2. liam's legs (solomon like towers of ivory... sorry, too much information??)
3. liam's laugh and sense of humor
4. liam's giant hands that make my man hands look feminine
5. liam's lips
6. liam's loyalty
7. liam's childlikeness

Seven Things I Say Most Often
1. crap for crap (strongbad...)
2. !()%*)$#
3. make yourself some dang quesidiLLas napoleon!
4. let mommy finish her blog post and then i'll be able to help you.
5. no buck, it's pink's turn to play nintendogs.
6. hey babe, (what i call liam) could you_______________???
7. is that workin' for ya?

Seven Books (or series) I Love
1. travelling mercies, anne lamott
2. let your life speak, parker palmer
3. a tree full of angels, macrina wiederkehr
4. the wounded healer, henri nouwen
5. life of pi, yann martel
6. my name is asher lev, chaim potok
7. pilgrims regress, cs lewis

Seven Movies I Would Watch Over and Over Again
1. Pride & Prejudice (BBC version)
2. The Princess Bride
3. Napoleon dynamite
4. Shrek I
5. Moulin Rouge
6. LOTR
7. Veggie Tales - A Snoodle's Tale

seven bloggers to tag: hope, stephanie, keith, stephanie, tonya, erin, connie

what's the difference?

it all seems so insurmountable sometimes doesn't it? like nothing will make a difference. like we might as well give up. how can i help? how can i make a difference? i don't know.

the one thing i do know is that this year i am not the same person i was last year. and the year before that. i am different. i care. i am aware. god use me to make a difference please.

artist link - pero

give the gift of freedom this christmas

now this is christmas - he came to set the captives free!

give the gift of freedom this christmas!

celebrating advent!

our friend susan at visual voice is so much more than just her stunning, thought provoking blog - she is an artist, photographer and business woman!

you can celebrate advent this year by daily visiting her virtual advent calendar - it's incredible, and truly a labor of love. i stumbled across it last year and never knew it was HERS! i have had the opportunity this past year to get to know her a bit more and have come to love her humor, images and inspiration.

you can find her calendar here:

2005 Virtual Advent Calendar