Tuesday, February 28, 2006

made another friend!

okay, i guess that i've been starved for so long it seems like such a monumetal thing to find kindred souls - but i have, and it was orchestrated by my older new friend who knew that we'd have lots in common - so she's a generous older new friend - so i couldn't be my jazzed than i am. she is also an ex-ministry wife and we have tons in common.

god is orchestrating something here, and i am so tickled to be a part of it. stephanie, i am now seeing touches of your maestro and it is beautiful! i never understood that name for god before. i guess it happens when you're part of something bigger than you maybe, and i guess up to this point i either wasn't, or didn't have the eyes to see it. either way, i see it now and couldn't be more amazed. WOW!

Monday, February 27, 2006

eBay: Image Of Jesus On A Piece Of Sheet Metal New (item 6257739218 end time Mar-08-06 16:36:11 PST)

okay, we're headed to the hardware tomorrow!
eBay: Image Of Jesus On A Piece Of Sheet Metal New (item 6257739218 end time Mar-08-06 16:36:11 PST)

google picture post

1. The city and state of the town you grew up, no quotation marks.











2. The town where you currently reside.








3. Your name, first and last, but again, no quotes.







4. Your grandmother’s name.












5. Your favorite food.









6. Your favorite drink.














7. Your favorite smell.








ht to my favorite scent twin renee

Thursday, February 23, 2006

What Is Most Personal Is Most Universal

We like to make a distinction between our private and public lives and say, "Whatever I do in my private life is nobody else's business." But anyone trying to live a spiritual life will soon discover that the most personal is the most universal, the most hidden is the most public, and the most solitary is the most communal. What we live in the most intimate places of our beings is not just for us but for all people. That is why our inner lives are lives for others. That is why our solitude is a gift to our community, and that is why our most secret thoughts affect our common life.

Jesus says, "No one lights a lamp to put it under a tub; they put it on the lamp-stand where it shines for everyone in the house" (Matthew 5:14-15). The most inner light is a light for the world. Let's not have "double lives"; let us allow what we live in private to be known in public.

Henri Nouwen

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

made a new friend today

oh yeah! i made a new friend today - a kindred spirit - a vivacious, visionary, inspiring, truth telling woman who is just as tickled to meet me as i was to meet her. yipee!

i was getting a bit worried that i was a stranger in different ways here than i was at our last church - but today i know that not to be true. i can't wait to see what god is doing here. it's fun to be a part of things, but to let THEM (god) orchestrate stuff and not have to be the one in charge of it all happening. very cool indeed.

Monday, February 20, 2006

i can't even take one step

two women's prayers have touched me within the past day and i need to mark them here:

Where is that place I can rest
Lay down the things that weigh so heavy
I know you say you are that place
Help me believe you Lord

Please come to me, I can't even take one step
I need a place to fall, and find some peace again

Sometimes my mind goes down these roads
Places I am not meant to travel
Soon I'm a prisoner of fear
Who will come to my rescue (chorus)

I find these vacancies within
Making me feel so small and hollow
But if you touch me I will heal
And redemption will follow (chorus)

Some Peace Again, Gina Praino


O Most Powerful One,
O Indwelling One,
I have no words to bring you into my heart;
for already you have emptied yourself into my life.

You came uninvited.
You are here.
But I am afraid to reach out and touch you.
I am afraid of falling in love.

Don't you see that if I fall in love
I have have to surrender to your embrace.
I will have to let you love me as I am,
with all my imperfections.

I will have to give you my will.
O God, I love my own will!
I am not ready to give it up.

I stand at this east window each morning yearning for you.
I yearn for you just as the sun yearns to rise.

My soul too, has sunrises,
but they aren't seen by the world yet.
I keep my rising inside.

In spite of my struggle to keep it inside,
I almost burst with you God, each day.

What would the world think if I rose?
If I rose, I could never be my shallow, surface self anymore.
If I rose, some people would not like my colors,
and so I keep this lovely color inside.

I am afraid to rise.

O Beloved-One,
I am dying of yearning to rise.
I am dying to come home to myself.
It is the same as coming home to you.

O All-Seeing-One,
can you see that this yearning is pure prayer?
Can you see that my yearning is a golden sunrise?

Macrina Wiederkehr

alone at last...

alone. all alone. me. peace. quiet. sigh.

the temptation to fill the space with noise or distraction is great. i haven't been alone in months. really. i realized a couple of weeks ago that is why my blogging and writing have been crap and non-existent. there is no place to go to be alone and type. the computer is just off the living room, i am much more visible here, so conversations and questions are more frequent. anyone wanting to watch tv becomes fully in my sight and distraction is a powerful thing to my add mind, even when i don't want to participate. rubbing two thoughts together looking for the small flame to catch became such a fleeting thing, and the breeze of distraction snuffed that tiny flame out far too often.

alone brings a lot of fear with it too. loneliness is one of my greatest triggers for my addictions. solitude is a joyous thing, loneliness a burden. the difference lies mostly in my emotional state of being which seems pretty fragile lately too.

i have been having wonderful phone conversations to take the place of blogging as of late. and i explained our emotional state to friends using the tides that are so extreme here in our corner of the world. when the tides are out we are calm, enjoying life and picking through the debris the tide left. it's not denial, but it's a kissing cousin. life seems calm, peaceful and carefree. but then tide returns, we're up to our necks in life, details, and reality. the panic of survival causes us to pull and push at each other in ways that threaten us all.

new friends have told us of the tourists who moor their boats at low tide with insufficient line on their anchors. they return to their boats at high tide and they are vertical in the water. what once was 10' of water is now 50' of water and the lack of preparation threatens to sink their craft.

we are building a boat here. one to ride out the waves, the changes and the tides. it is a process and much of the time we are able to follow the plans, work together and make progress. but sometimes that storm hits, or the wind blows and we are left short of resources and energy and the boat looks as if it will never be completed.

we have made friends though, who are coming along side to help. amazing friends. supportive, knowledgeable, loving friends who have weathered many of these same storms. who can read the tides and help us earn our sea legs. it is a beautiful community, warm, welcoming and full of life. this has been quite a season for our family.

last night at the dinner table we talked about lent. i looked at those i treasure so dearly and said 'you know, i think we've all given up quite enough this year, i think maybe for lent this year we celebrate and honor the sacrifices we have all made since easter last year. maybe this year we remember by creating art, holding space for each other to express our journey here and seeing jesus in our new community and celebrating him there.

i realized after acknowledging the sacrifices of this past year that it was the season of lent last year when everything started to go south for us. i will look forward to marking this anniversary in a different way. so much has changed, we have changed. but our paths have remained the same, the scenery is oh so very different, and this time we're not walking it all alone.

Wednesday, February 15, 2006

Johari's Window

deb at abiding has introduced the idea of johari's window - you can read about it here:

Wikipedia - Johari's Window

and there is an interactive online one that i've set up here:

bobbie's johari's window

i would really appreciate you taking the time to fill it in - i am so interested in finding out my blindspots.

thanks!

Tuesday, February 14, 2006

jesus pan - worship at every meal???


thanks for the 'heads up' not real! this is a joke, right??

Jesus Pan

update: no, it's not a joke - i thought maybe it was like the mega church game site that was a spoof - this is really for sale - 2 pans for $30!!! and the saddest part is that they will actually sell them and idiots will really think they are spiritual because they have jesus on their pancakes... welcome to the jesus five and dime... sigh.

for liam

in this proud land we grew up strong
we were wanted all along
I was taught to fight, taught to win
I never thought I could fail

no fight left or so it seems
I am a man whose dreams have all deserted
I've changed my face, I've changed my name
but no one wants you when you lose

don't give up
'cos you have friends
don't give up
you're not beaten yet
don't give up
I know you can make it good

though I saw it all around
never thought I could be affected
thought that we'd be the last to go
it is so strange the way things turn

drove the night toward my home
the place that I was born, on the lakeside
as daylight broke, I saw the earth
the trees had burned down to the ground

don't give up
you still have us
don't give up
we don't need much of anything
don't give up
'cause somewhere there's a place
where we belong

rest your head
you worry too much
it's going to be alright
when times get rough
you can fall back on us
don't give up
please don't give up

'got to walk out of here
I can't take anymore
going to stand on that bridge
keep my eyes down below
whatever may come
and whatever may go
that river's flowing
that river's flowing

moved on to another town
tried hard to settle down
for every job, so many men
so many men no-one needs

don't give up
'cause you have friends
don't give up
you're not the only one
don't give up
no reason to be ashamed
don't give up
you still have us
don't give up now
we're proud of who you are
don't give up
you know it's never been easy
don't give up
'cause I believe there's the a place
there's a place where we belong

be my valentine??

Friday, February 10, 2006

Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly . WEB EXCLUSIVE . Bono Unplugged . February 3, 2006 | PBS

post prayer breakfast interview with bono

Religion & Ethics NewsWeekly . WEB EXCLUSIVE . Bono Unplugged . February 3, 2006 | PBS

ht

blogspot confusion

whew - i have just created liam's new blog by migrating the family blog to a new blogspot account and using our old family blog address (which i created to hold the name for him in case he ever wanted). he was using blog.com so that it didn't create blogger comment sign in confusion, but it's so slow and inadequate - so he's up and running at the family blog and i've got the family blog transferred (minus comments, sigh) to it's new home.

so, if you ever see my comments under liam's name or the family blog name forgive me - i realized the other day that i 'blogged this' for christy's post on rachel's lament under the family blog.. would be a bit confusing for his mom to read that... :) oh well, i edited it and nobody seemed to notice, but it could get a bit confusing at times with logging in and out.

i'm posting the links to the blogs in a soon to be deleated blog post that i'll only leave up for a day or so - so if you want the link to either of them email me and i'll forward them to you.

eBay: Jesus PanCake (item 6251847554 end time Feb-16-06 12:17:05 PST)

see, i told you we should have become fry cooks! my blog got 163 hits yesterday all searching for 'jesus pancake'! what a riot! it's only been on 4 days and it's already got over 40,000 hits and is up to $1,425.00! liam is convinced this one looks like it was impressed into something, the details are just too perfect. the robe, googly eyes and beard are just freaky!

i blogged about buck's pancake and my misunderstanding here.

eBay: Jesus PanCake (item 6251847554 end time Feb-16-06 12:17:05 PST)

weeping when words fail

i have no words

Dry Bones Dance: Lament for Rachel's children

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

okay, like go buy this song on itunes right now!

In The Sun (Michael Stipe solo w/ Coldplay)

I picture you in the sun wondering what went wrong
And falling down on your knees asking for sympathy
And being caught in between all you wish for and all you seen
And trying to find anything you can feel that you can believe in

May god’s love be with you
Always
May god’s love be with you

I know I would apologize if I could see your eyes
’cause when you showed me myself I became someone else
But I was caught in between all you wish for and all you need
I picture you fast asleep
A nightmare comes
You can’t keep awake

May god’s love be with you
Always
May god’s love be with you

’cause if I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
If I find
If I find my own way
How much will I find
You

I don’t know anymore
What it’s for
I’m not even sure
If there is anyone who is in the sun
Will you help me to understand
’cause I been caught in between all I wish for and all I need
Maybe you’re not even sure what it’s for
Any more than me

May god’s love be with you
Always
May god’s love be with you
Notes:

Performed by Michael Stipe with Coldplay on Austin City Limits. An original track by Joseph Arthur from his album "Come to Where I'm From"

Tuesday, February 07, 2006

dance your cares away


So, which Fraggle ARE YOU most like? Click here to find out.



another tip to pernell

ticket buyers

pernell has a great metaphor for a lot of what's happening in the church:

THE COLLOQUY: The Waiting Room: "I have used the anaolgy before likening much of evangelical Christianity to that of a bunch of people in an airport waiting room. They've purchased their ticket, and now they just sit there (in a somewhat stale and sanitized and surreal environment) and wait for the flight home... only seldomly sending out a specially trained salesman to recruit other ticket-buyers to join them. Sadly they often recruit from other airports, rather than venturing into the city... well, I mean their airport is the nicest... plus it's bigger and fancier."

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Saturday, February 04, 2006

create your own mega church!


be the next rick warren, or how 'bout joel osteen?? this you gotta see!

Amazon.com: Mega Church: Networked Special Edition (PC Game): Computer & Video Games

best line:
With network play enabled, you can steal members from other churches and earn points just like you saved them yourself.


via jordan

i need to dwell with these words - part ii

Befriending Our Inner Enemies

How do we befriend our inner enemies lust and anger? By listening to what they are saying. They say, "I have some unfulfilled needs" and "Who really loves me?" Instead of pushing our lust and anger away as unwelcome guests, we can recognize that our anxious, driven hearts need some healing. Our restlessness calls us to look for the true inner rest where lust and anger can be converted into a deeper way of loving.

There is a lot of unruly energy in lust and anger! When that energy can be directed toward loving well, we can transform not only ourselves but even those who might otherwise become the victims of our anger and lust. This takes patience, but it is possible.

Henri Nouwen

Friday, February 03, 2006

four things meme

my favorite rocket scientist rob at unspace tagged me for the four things meme. i'm feeling a bit blocked again words wise, so these are always good at jarring things loose:

Four Jobs I've Had:

1. File Clerk/Receptionist @ a Medical Center
2. Closet/Organizational Store Manager
3. Switchboard Operator/Receptionist @ College
4. Inventory Control/Shipping/Receiving @ pharmacy

Four Movies I Watch Over and Over Again:

1. The Princess Bride
2. Whale Rider
3. Shrek (one, not two)
4. The Shawshank Redemption

Four Places I'’ve Lived:

1. Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
2. Hamilton, Ontario
3. Dubuque, Iowa
4. Oak Park, Illinois

Four TV Shows I Watch:

1. Survivor
2. Good Eats (althought we don't get it up here anymore)
3. Martha (it's what the kids and I watch together since Good Eats isn't on anymore)
4. Gilmore Girls

Four Places I've Vacationed:

1. Orange Lake, Florida
2. Sunshine Coast, Vancouver, British Columbia
3. Massanutten, Virginia
4. Lake Geneva, Wisconsin

Four Websites I visit daily:

1. Bloglines
2. del.icio.us
3. google
4. BBC

Four of My Favorite Foods:

1. Carrot Ginger Muffins
2. Raspberries
3. My homemade Drop Noodle Soup
4. really good cheese

Four Places I'd like to be right now:

1. Linwood House
2. Lake Geneva, Wisconsin
3. Italy
4. Orlando - it was a wonderful vacation memory with our family

Four Folks Now Tagged With This Meme: (if you've already done it and i missed it, sorry!)

1. Hope at A Song Not Scored for Breathing
2. Erin at Biscotti Brain
3. Sarah Louise at Pink Sneakers n'at
4. Clint at Friar Tuck

Thursday, February 02, 2006

i need to dwell with these words

Being Merciful with Ourselves

We need silence in our lives. We even desire it. But when we enter into silence we encounter a lot of inner noises, often so disturbing that a busy and distracting life seems preferable to a time of silence. Two disturbing "noises" present themselves quickly in our silence: the noise of lust and the noise of anger. Lust reveals our many unsatisfied needs, anger or many unresolved relationships. But lust and anger are very hard to face.

What are we to do? Jesus says, "Go and learn the meaning of the words: Mercy is what pleases me, not sacrifice" (Matthew 9:13). Sacrifice here means "offering up," "cutting out," "burning away," or "killing." We shouldn't do that with our lust and anger. It simply won't work. But we can be merciful toward our own noisy selves and turn these enemies into friends.

Henri Nouwen

CNN.com - Jimmy Carter: Give Hamas a chance - Feb 1, 2006

a voice of reason in the storm:

CNN.com - Jimmy Carter: Give Hamas a chance - Feb 1, 2006: "'If you sponsor an election or promote democracy and freedom around the world, then when people make their own decision about their leaders, I think that all the governments should recognize that administration and let them form their government,' Carter said. "

are we 'exporting' democracy or not?

Wednesday, February 01, 2006

almost there!

i had a brainstorm lastnight to just change the template on the family blog to restore it and it worked and gave me the confidence to play with this blog template. we're almost there. the background image (white page) is missing in the template, so i've written the wonderfully generous designer and asked for her help. hopefully we'll get that placed in (so the blog is easier on the eyes - too hard to read that tiny type on brown!) oh, and i can't seem to get my comments working - so that's got to be fixed too... sigh!

i may play with some of the font sizes a bit too, but i'm really happy with it other than that.

i really needed a change 'here' too!

UPDATE: ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! back to the drawing board!