her zine-ness, jen lemen, has challenged us to pick a word for this year. i have been pondering this even before her challenge, and i think i might have found one, but it seems so boring and personal. i would love a word like 'adventure' or 'passion' or 'world-changer' but the one that keeps coming back to me is 'centered'.
i know that this year is about me getting comfortable in and with my body. my recovery has plateaued to a place where i know this is the next step i must take if i am going to move forward. my body fear and discomfort stem from the fact that somewhere deep inside of me i believe that my body is my enemy and i must pack it with this extra weight and food to keep me safe from it and the outside world.
i really believe somewhere deep in my heart of hearts that if i was shapely i would stumble in my sexual addiction. there. i said it. yuck. i think i need to admit that i really believe that if i was thin i would be promiscuous or shatter my marriage. yuck. i said that too. so i know that being centered might not be as fun and bold as others words i want to choose, but i also know that i'll never really get to those words without going through this one first.
so my word for 2007 is CENTERED.