family secrets

annie at new life rising is my new blogger favorite. she's witty and talented and very creative. we've been corresponding about journals lately and she blogged about it here.

her post made me think about my family and how they deal with the past, present and future. i come from a family on my mother's side where secrets and shame silence everyone. my mom is gone, and she was the only one who could charm them into honesty. when they die(d) all of the history will go with them. it's so sad.

my father's side of the family is open and talks about everything. they've done all of the geneological history and have even discussed the shameful stuff. watching the two sides of the family you can see how differently they relate to each other. one is based in fear, and the other in love. one side has family reunions and real fellowship with each other, and the other only comes together when necessary, things are surfacey and everyone knows the rules. well almost everyone...

my sister and i threaten their structure. we lived in a state far enough away not to be influenced by the secrets. after our mom died we realized how temporary things can be and wanted answers to the questions we had. it was amazing to see the military precision that happened between the cousins and my aunt. they went into red alert battle zones and 'got their story straight' in record time. i was shocked. i wouldn't have believed it if i hadn't seen it with my own eyes.

i've written before that i've learned that their secrets are not my truth. they can have them. i used to be the self-appointed family detective, driven by the need to 'expose the truth' and felt that my own recovery and story couldn't be whole without the information they determined was not mine to know. i have learned since that i have everything i need to be able to face my own truth.

this was very freeing for me. yes, i'd still like to know - but really have come to understand that their secrets are really their's to keep. i've learned from both sides of my family that it's about now, it's about the choice. to choose the work of keeping the hidden things hidden or the freedom of living in the truth. one side of my family lives in the truth - their relationships and their freedom speak volumes to me. that's the choice that i want to make. i choose the truth.