Saturday, February 19, 2005

practice resurrection

i've been on an anne lamott binge lately. i finished plan b, two days after i received it in the mail, and was struck again at how true to the core of my soul her writing rings in me.

i headed to the library to find some of her fiction. i read all new people, and just finished crooked little hearts. i became so invested in the characters in the second book that i was an emotional wreck by the time it finished. it was glorious. i identified with each character on a level that suprised me.

the character 'rae' used a phrase that has been running around in my head for days. 'practice resurrection'. i love it. some of you know that i frequently say that i am addicted to redemption. i believe that our christian view of redemption stops a lot of the time at the cross, and i think that's a mistake. i believe we are continually being redeemed - the broken make new, the half made whole. the dirty made clean. nothing is wasted. that's why this term spoke so deeply to me.

i feel like i've been living in a fog of late (even before i started getting sick). this winter has been far different than i imagined it to be. i expected to be squirrelled away in my office typing madly on my stories and fulfilling my 3 year plan in the ways that i was able. it's actually been very little of that. i can hardly name what it has been, but it's not been the vibrant nesting that i had so hoped it would be.

i have been reading palmer a lot lately, going back to LYLS and his new 'a hidden wholeness' - anyone who has read palmer knows metaphor is his passion, and the seasons are his strongest example. the winter is a time for dormancy, and when i read those words today i remembered that - it is a time for the work to be done deep down where it is out of sight, not dead, but dormant. it gave me great hope to realize this.

this winter has been very dormant for me. i am so looking forward to spring.

as i began to type this out this morning, the sun crested the hills over the river, and it shown so brightly into my window that what bounced off my computer screen made me gasp. it felt like the sun reached out and tapped me on my shoulder this morning. reminding me that spring is coming. it was so beautiful i wanted to capture it. i grabbed my camera and this is what i saw.


after breakfast i headed back to bed. i felt like i had wasted that tap on the shoulder, i shamed myself for being sick and wasting a day with my family home in bed. exhaustion soon overcame my shame as i slept for hours. i was awakened again as the sun tapped me on the nose. the same beam reached through the space between my window blinds and nudged me awake - 'get up sleepy head - i haven't gone anywhere' it said.

i was rested and refreshed. not fully healthy yet, but with a much better perspective on the day.

so today i practiced resurrection, and plan on doing the same tomorrow and the next day. i don't expect to get it right any time soon, but i won't stop trying.

No comments: