feeling less desperate

i think that getting things off my chest helped a lot to lessen the panicky feelings i was having.

because i have struggled with depression myself far too many times in my 42 years i can feel it's pull. seeing that black hole in our home again gave me such a fright. hearing that sucking noise again removes rational thought from my mind and steals my serenity as it calls to me.

somehow i felt like meg trying to save charles wallace from danger i was more able to understand. it all seemed so very urgent. talking about it has returned perspective, helped me to grasp my place in the world. remove the drama and replace the reality. liam is not a five year old being stalked by a vortex of evil and no matter how much i wish it to be true, i am not meg murray.

b.r.e.a.t.h.e.

so this weekend i get to be poly and head to the ocean instead.