what a year!

wow. new year's eve, 2004. what a year! looking back it's been one of the most intense, fruitful, life-changing years of my life. i found parts of myself i never knew about before. some parts needed a lot of work, and others needed a lot of nurture to grow and still do. i will look back on 2004 fondly. strangely enough it was a very virtual year in many ways. much of the people who impacted me i'd never even heard of until i started blogging. wow, sitting here going through the list in my head i realize how long that it truly is. it's shocking.

i was going to begin the listing, but i would hate to leave someone off by accident and hurt them. you know who you are, and if you even think 'i wonder if she means me too?' the answer is YES! if i have ever commented on your blog or we've exchanged emails, you have a part of my heart. that's the kind of person i am. words are one of the most important parts of my world. your words endear you to me, challenge me, encourage me and have made me more like jesus this year. thank you all! happy new year!

looking forward to meeting many more of you in 2005!

holding our breath

this tsunami/earthquake devastation has touched our family. our little compassion son yeremiah lives in indonesia. his little face looks out at me as i type this. he's 5. we have not heard how he and his family have faired through this horror. i cannot imagine the fear, loss and tragedy his family and country are facing at this time. my imaginings only leave me in tears. the powerlessness of one small family trying to help one small family so very far away seems like a tiny drop in the bucket.

watching pink and buck cope with the news that their little brother far away is facing the horror they see on the tiny bits of news brings them both into a world that i'd much rather protect them from, but know that they will be stronger and larger for it. giving them a global perspective instead of the small sheltered one i'd prefer to protect them with is hard, but i know important. pink wrote out yerimiah's name and placed it in our prayer bowl on the altar when we heard of the devastation. she also wrote out jenifa's name. she is our daughter in kenya who is facing drought and possibly famine.

we are so blessed, so confusingly blessed. why us? why them? it reduces me to a pool of tears. so helpless to help. oh god please move those who can truly make a difference to fund the real help that needs to take place to bring healing and health to those horribly affected places in the world.

preacher blogged bene diction's fear that this kind of tragedy silences us. rayne challenges gwb spend as little as possible on his inauguration (figures are from 30-40 million) and send the rest to the people who really need it. god please make it so. we waste so much, the need is so great. god please move the mighty to give mightily. amen.

UPDATE: rick sent me to the information site. the indonesia projects have not been destroyed, but at least 2 in india have. you can find update information here.

home sick...

we made it home safely last night (this morning) at 1:00 a.m. we decided to travel yesterday instead of today because liam's dad was too stressed with us in the house, and liam's mom was sick with stomach flu (from liam's new little niece we hadn't seen, until of course she came to visit and passed it on to my son and maybe the rest of us...) ugh.

so, we traveled up to ontario to see liam's dad for about 30 minutes, although we stayed in his house the whole time and not even see his mom... and of course to pass disgusting germs around in a multicultural exchange... i'm sure we left some of our bronchitis germs up there in exchange... it's like a viral game of pit. yuck.

anyway, it's so good to be home and hopefully buck can sleep through the night without the trauma he went through today (and thankfully we made it home before the trauma started, although he moaned and cried through most of the trip home...)

needless to say i hope we don't have to do that kind of a trip ever again! a weird holiday to say the least. liam and i were able to connect with his brother and sister and their spouses a bit, so it was good for that.

hope you all had healthy holiday weekends! it's good to be back!

quick news from the north

safe and sound in ontario. liam's dad isn't doing well, mostly spends time in bed, it's been hard on liam to have travelled so far to see his dad and not have his dad engage. oh well, at least he knows he's made the effort.

boxing day with liam's mom's family tomorrow (i think this is about day 6 of presents for pink and buck!) hope all is well with you, doing great here except we forgot the WHOLE ENTIRE bag of toiletries - nothing, nope, none, zip - not even a hairbrush. that one cost liam a pretty penny... i refuse to see people i haven't seen in four years without a toothbrush or makeup! :)

have a wonderful holiday! miss you all!

merry christmas to all!

we head to the great white north today. i've been recoverying from bronchitis in and amongst the christmas preparations. we celebrated our family christmas last night. figured we wouldn't give the border guards the joy of opening all of our presents! :p

hope you all have a wonderful season, merry christmas!

now that's a church christmas card!

now that's a church christmas card!

ben bell creates the christmas card for his church in london each year. this is his newest for 2004.

the model is a 14 year old girl in his youth group (stuffed with tea towels), he's got other images of 'mary' on his blog. very moving and puts into perspective the innocence of mary and the reality that she truly was so young. after reading claudia's 'incarnation' it seemed such a wonderful image for my morning reflection. beautiful.

via

my favorite diva

claudia is back in a big way and making me snot all over myself this morning. beautiful, beautiful words. what a gift, what a woman. enjoy!

somehow we become

incarnation

top 5 for 2004

corner bob has challenged bloggers to take a look in the rear view mirror and post their top 5 for 2004. i've only been blogging since memorial day, but this hasn't been easy to cull through all of the posts i've done and pick my favorites. a lot of my writing is done in 'shitty first draft' style (ala anne lamott). i just write and post and rarely ever read it again. i use my blog to get the stuff out, not to have well written prose. reading back i would change a lot, but i guess the rawness of what i wrote at the time was important and necessary to get me to this place in time.

so here are my favorites - 5 out of 302 (116,557 words before this post!) hope you enjoy this retro look back into my life this year.

my refrigerator box

we forgot the taste of bread

searching for answers

happy birthday liam

that little red haired girl

playground memories

one person's trash...

i have been using the past 10 days or so to turn a bit of junk into some $$ for our trip to canada for christmas. one item i had treasured a lot, but i knew that parting with it and simplifying was important. it went for an abismally low amount yesterday, it broke my heart. but the best advice i've ever been given regarding ebay was 'list in faith, reap in faith'. i start those kind of auctions at $.01 with no reserve, it creates a lot of watchers and quite a competition for bids. unfortunately this item just didn't have much of a buzz. someone got my treasure for a paltry sum, hopefully it will make it an even more special item to them, who knows?

i had a couple auctions just close tonight. things i actually picked out of the garbage. honest. one was a vintage box from a mattel ken-type doll - it sold for over $25.00! and a vintage guitar that was in need of some resortation just went for over $100! yippee! it will definately make our trip a bit less tight.

one person's trash is another person's treasure. (or spending money for a trip!)

deep thoughts for christmas

this christmas is looking very different than it has in my past. it's much simpler and by choice free of the crazy making schedules that our christian culture has told us we must embrace to have this holiday. it's really been a joy to have everyone think that i'm as exhausted and busy as they all are, while i sit back and smile in the joy of a clear head and light shoulders. i'm not shirking any responsibilities, honest. i've just chosen a different path this year and I LOVE IT!

i'm also receiving christmas and advent differently this year. honoring the waiting, breathing through the lower emotions and being present with the people in my life even in the midst of their flurry has given me a richness i've so often passed by in search of what i thought this holiday was supposed to look like.

two blog posts i read yesterday have really helped me unlock some wonderful truths and deep thoughts about this season and i thought maybe you'd enjoy them too.

si johnson turns the stable on it's ear in Asymmetry and Bethlehem. my favorite line is:

For you could just be better off looking in the unstable than the stable, the asymmetrical than the symmetrical. Afterall, a god-baby surrounded by a matrix of power in a shed is asymmetrical.

and blue brings me to tears again with A Gift Worthy of the Season. blue's grasp of grace regularly quiets my soul. here's my favorite line from his post:

The Christmas story is not a story about perfection. The angels did not come to the shepherds with a message of "You'd better get this right." No, they said, "Be not afraid..." The Christmas season is not a time to demand that anyone--ourselves included--become Norman Rockwell perfect.

i think those are all words we need to hear this time of year. peace.

wide open

I can't tell you how much I long for you to enter this wide-open, spacious life. We didn't fence you in. The smallness you feel comes from within you. Your lives aren't small, but you're living them in a small way. I'm speaking as plainly as I can and with great affection. Open up your lives. Live openly and expansively!

2 Corinthians 6:11-13

via

sigh

this past month has been a new stage in the lives of our family. pink and buck have grown up into wonderful, polite, helpful kids. they are becoming independent and capable and contributing parts to our home life. not that they didn't ever contribute before, i dont' mean that. but they are now contributing without huge amounts of effort from me.

i doubted years ago in the middle of toddlerville that this day would ever come, but it has and i want to note it. hurray! the high maintenance stage has given way to a lovely interaction of family life that i am enjoying fully.

i can't imagine life without them, they bring so much and i am so thankful. we're even having great times of in depth discussion and lots of belly laughs. buck has quite the quick wit and pink's perspective always brings fresh new things to our family.

i know there will be the high maintenance stages coming again, but this season we have entered is truly a blessing and a joy. a big parental sigh.

this beautiful vision

i grew up with dispensational theology that said 'kingdom' language in the bible was totally reserved for the future millenial kingdom. this world here, oh it was just the waiting room for heaven. just get as many people 'saved' as you can, that's the reason you're left here. ugly theology. it makes sane people suicidal and justifies all kinds of wars and cruelty to fellow mankind.

this theology redeems that broken kind of thinking. this tells me there is a purpose here, today, right now. the kingdom is at hand, prepare the way of the lord. i truly think the world would be a much better place if that dispensational theology (ie. left behind crap) was cleaned out of our churches and lives. god has a great purpose in TODAY, you are part of the kingdom. i am part of the kingdom - live like that today!

Anticipating the Vision

The marvelous vision of the peaceable Kingdom, in which all violence has been overcome and all men, women, and children live in loving unity with nature, calls for its realisation in our day-to-day lives. Instead of being an escapist dream, it challenges us to anticipate what it promises. Every time we forgive our neighbor, every time we make a child smile, every time we show compassion to a suffering person, every time we arrange a bouquet of flowers, offer care to tame or wild animals, prevent pollution, create beauty in our homes and gardens, and work for peace and justice among peoples and nations we are making the vision come true.

We must remind one another constantly of the vision. Whenever it comes alive in us we will find new energy to live it out, right where we are. Instead of making us escape real life, this beautiful vision gets us involved.

from henri nouwen.

sally the ragdoll

some might notice that i've changed my image. i adored that little girl who used to be there, but i just watched 'the nightmare before christmas' yesterday and connected with sally. it's an amazing post-modern parable, i loved it.

sally is a kindred spirit and i loved that she never gave up, kept speaking up and kept going till the end. i loved her heart and determination. sewing herself back up and seeing reality even when others were unable. she's my new icon for a season.

great advent perspective

Waiting in expectation.

I have listened to this piece by Nouwen on tape several times. There can be no thoughts on Advent and Incarnation without taking into account the need to wait. Nouwen reminds us that waiting breaks through our fears and brings us to a place of hope:

A waiting person is a patient person. The word patience means the willingness to stay where we are and live the situation out to the full in the belief that something hidden there will manifest itself to us. Impatient people are always expecting the real thing to happen somewhere else and therefore want to go elsewhere. The moment is empty. But patient people dare to stay where they are. Patient living means to live actively in the present and wait there. Waiting, then, is not passive. It involves nurturing the moment, as a mother nurtures the child that is growing in her. Zechariah, Elizabeth, and Mary were very present to the moment. That is why they could hear the angel. They were alert, attentive to the voice that spoke to them and said, “Don’t be afraid. Something is happening to you. Pay attention.”

via karen</a>.

coming to a theatre near you july 2005

july 2005!

charlie and the chocolate factory trailer

translators for the rest of us...

this is hysterical! thanks to maiken for the head's up!

the dialectizer - you can post your blog in a variety of translations - here's my banner translated into the following dialects:

swedish chef:

imergeeng seedooeys. Um gesh dee bork, bork!..

thees is un ununymuoos blug tu fent, groo, chellenge-a myselff und feend my fueece-a. i em a vumun in a mun's choorch und seyeeng sume-a ooff zee theengs i need tu sey mey hefe-a mure-a cunseqooenses thun i vunt tu deel veet reeght noo, su thees is my elterneteefe-a, un unuymuoos blug. yuoo cun cell me-a bubbeee-a.

redneck:

emergin' sideways...

this is an anonymous blog t'vent, grow, challenge mahse'f an' find mah voice. i is a woomin in a man's church an' sayin' some of th' thin's i need t'say may haf mo'e cornsequenses than i be hankerin' t'deal wif right now, so this hyar is mah alternative, an anoymous blog, acco'din' t' th' code o' th' heells! yo' kin call me bobbie.

elmer fudd:

emewging sideways. Oh, dat scwewy wabbit! ..

this is an anonymous bwog to vent, gwow, chawwenge mysewf and find my voice. i am a woman in a man's chuwch and saying some of the things i need to say may have mowe conseqwenses than i want to deaw wif wight now, so this is my awtewnative, an anoymous bwog. you can caww me bobbie.

moron:

emehgigg sideways...

dis is an anonymous blog t' bent, uh, grow, uh uh uh uh uh uh, challenge myself 'n find my boice. i am a woman in a man's church 'n sayigg some of the, duh uhh, thiggs i neid to say may habe more consekenses dan i want t' deal wid rite now, uh uh uh uh uh uh, so dis is my altehnatibe, uh uh uh, an anoymous blog. you can call me bobbie.

and my favorite - cockney:

emergin' sideways...

this is an anonymous blog ter vent, right, grow, right, challenge meself and find me voice. i am a lass in a man's church and sayin' some of the bloody buggers i need ter say may 'ave more consequenses than i want ter deal wiv right now, right, so this is me alternative, an anoymous blog. yer can call me bobbie.

funny christmas!

click here.

via fast company.

meow

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