Monday, August 21, 2006

aaaaaaaahhhhhhhh the walls are closing in!

okay - it's day 7 of 14 and we're starting to pick at each other... bossy dad, bossy aunt and i've got my period... pray for me!

it's raining here and my kids are bored silly and my dad doesn't want to do anything but take my husband (and my car) and go fishing... welcome to my childhood.

my aunt is insisting (god bless her) on getting all the curtains done. i had a vision for my living room and everyone ganged up on me telling me over and over that it wasn't going to look good, that i needed to change this or that... and i kept to my plan and held my guns - it looks stunning (and they all have had to eat their words! HA!)

she wants to frou-frou up everything and i want it minimal and clean - modern even. not country and fuffy and it's really pushing my buttons. i'm trying to be heard, trying to speak my truth and stay the course - but it almost seems easier to let her make what she wants and throw them away after she leaves... we have finally agreed on the kitchen curtains - clean, block valance over my blinds. it will work for both of us. i just can't imagine what my bedroom ones will look like... she wants to mix fabrics and it's making my skin crawl. i just had to get away for a bit to type this out so that i didn't vent on her - or my dad who for some odd reason feels the need to voice his opinion (of course taking her side) on my curtains... he lived with us for 5 years and couldn't have cared less. why now? ugh.

i love them both dearly - i just wish we could have about 12 hours apart to clear our heads...

it's hard to watch my dad lately - he's so disengaged. liam keeps saying "invite, invite, invite" - all we can do - but i want to "insist, insist, insist" - and it's not working. he came to church yesterday and it was it's usual wonderful-ness - and he said NOTHING about it. my aunt loved it and is excited for us - but he was silent and distant. i really hope it's all churning inside of him. i'm sure he'll vent about it to my aunt on the trip home. or not... he's such a closed book lately.

and he's ALWAYS got the t.v. on - right in the middle of everything. we're all trying to talk and communicate and he's watching espn LOUD - i'm about ready to move it up to the room he's sleeping in just to be rid of the noise. although then we'd never see him. who travels 1000's of miles to watch television??

pray for me!


Anonymous said...

praying for the peaceful moments within the chaos(and overbearing opinions). I would not have lasted so long. You are doing so great at honoring your father while sticking to your guns about your nest. keep it up. I always struggle with visits like this because I can adore the people I am with but I still spend so much mental energy on things that are said, what they mean, how I should respond (vs. how I want to respond). It can be exhausting.I tend to say what I think, or say too much personal stuff and feel vulnerable or foolish later, even with my own parents. Even in my forties I still feel reduced to a child in some respects when with them. It is an exercise in healthy boundries. You are doing great! Praying for you.


bobbie said...

thank you blair - being reduced to a child is infuriating isn't it? especially because my father never heard me as a child either... i guess that's really what makes all of this so very frustrating.

thank you for your prayers and reminding me i am not alone! boundaries, boundaries, boundaries... if i had them they wouldn't be here for two weeks in the first place! HA!