Monday, April 09, 2007

feeling better

well, pink, buck and i are all feeling much better today - and poor liam was up all night sick. our plans were to head to the "big city" to shop today - and break our spending fast for lent. pink's birthday it tomorrow and liam said for us to go without him.

as i was standing at the mirror this morning i looked at my body and realized that there was something different. i haven't weighed myself in months (the scale helps me with reality because i always imagine myself to be fatter than i really am - or my brain thinks i'm gaining weight and i'm not really) - and i have lost 12 lbs. - i am lower than i any time since having kids. i am in shock.

i have been loathing myself for the past 2 months feeling like a big, fat failure - and i wasn't. i've been doing the work, tracking my food, going to meetings, but still my brain was telling me that i was still the lump of nothing i have been telling myself for the past 30 years.

i know that loosing weight doesn't all of a sudden make me something - and this is always a danger spot for me - as soon as the compliments start coming and people start to notice i'm not invisible anymore i get all panicky and begin padding myself again.

so today we're headed south and celebrating resurrection - somehow my body knew better than my mind that the work i've been doing has been working.

keep coming back...

4 comments:

Trudging said...

I am glad that you are feeling better.

Deb said...

I'm glad you're feeling better too and that you're see the promises fulfilled in your life!

Love you!

Tim said...

Yay for feeling better. And yay for the weight loss.
You have way too much presence to ever be invisible.

Hope said...

I'm glad you are feeling better. I'll be interested to hear what your shopping trip was like.

That dang brain can tell us lots of lies can't it? Stinkin thinkin is always a battle for me. I'm glad for you for the weight loss! That must be encouraging especially since your thinking was telling you different. It's a good reminder for myself today that what my brain tells me is not always what reality is. Some days I am so convinced the two are in sync when they aren't.
Keep coming back works.