Monday, April 18, 2005

off again...

no, not me, the computer...


this is a windows glitch of some sorts, but beyond liam and my ability to sort out, so again we are at the mercy of friend's timing and assistance...

what a weekend, whew! it was more than i ever hoped it could be community wise - we broke through some wonderful walls together and i felt like myself and loved and a part of things for the first time in a really long time.

my friend and i were in charge of our 'prayer and share time' (i know really churchy sounding, eh?) we did some experimental prayer and lectio and really stretching things with them, and they responded so well. it was amazing. i have wanted to get to know my friend more deeply for ages. she is an artist, and so creative and fresh - just someone i really longed to know. we roomed togther and really enjoyed each other's company. we even stretched it to lunch yesterday and she brought me home afterward.

the next 36 hours was a blur for her. she returned to find her husband cherry red and passed out in the garage. he came home from church yesterday, all their kids were away, and he decided to sit in the garage with the car on until the game started, and if he wasn't gone by the time the game started he would go into the house and watch the game... he lived, but barely. her pain is so great i can hardly bear it. but she is also bearing up under it all amazingly well.

of course my guilt was huge - i sat in our driveway with her for an hour, neither one of us wanting our weekend away to end... while her husband was trying to kill himself. he's a pillar in our community and church. no one knew, or suspected. when she called me this morning to talk she reassured me of her gratefulness that we did talk, that he did try, so that it wasn't hidden forever below the surface. i am amazed at her strength. not syrupy denial strength, but honest, living in the moment strength and beauty.

i know they would appreciate your prayers. this is only the beginning of a long road for them. she knows the anger will come, she knows that the public humiliation will be much to bear. i am also watching my church closely through this - how will they respond? how will they change so that this kind of thing doesn't have to become so desperate and the cries for help so very loud. so far i have been pleased. love and support is being shown, will there be a safe place for him to land? i pray it is so.

she told me that the community she felt this weekend was the only thing that could have prepared her for something like this. knowing how loved she was allowed her to accept help, admit need and be herself. it was music to my soul.

well, i'm giving the lead at our recovery group tonight. need to go over my notes. i miss you all, and will hopefully be back in the land of the connected again soon.


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