and now to the 'unwealthy' part... things got complicated financially for us - too many bank accounts open and just too much information. i got overwhelmed about a month ago and i shut down. i am ashamed to admit it -i just set it all aside and pretended. one of our old PA accounts needed attention, and i didn't give it, and i also didn't think to alert liam, because my denial was so big. i kept saying 'we really need to take a day and look at our finances' - and when he would suggest beach combing, or working around the house i readily agreed, again, avoiding the finances. well, yesterday we cleaned up the mess i (we) made - i say "i" because it has always been part of my 'portfolio' previously - i really resented that. liam didn't have to think or concern himself with any of our bills or accounts. i handled it. and up before it got complicated i did a REALLY good job. when it got overwhelming i just shut down.
i can't put words to how less full my head and conscience feels today with all of that handled. i blogged here about how keeping on top of our finances was a big indicator of my recovery well-being. i hadn't realized how much it affects my mental health and well being too. it literally was a monkey on my back. i am sad that i had forgotten the power being on top of our finances gives me - and how debilitating having our finances 'on top' of me is. lesson learned... now hopefully it can also be remembered.
i head tomorrow for my mammogram - it will also feel amazing to have that behind me too!
maybe clear heads and consciences will make way for much more serenity and wholeness.
here's a good quote from bonhoeffer i stumbled across regarding wisdom:
To understand reality is not the same as to know about outward events. It is to perceive the essential nature of things. The best-informed man is not necessarily the wisest. Indeed there is a danger that precisely in the multiplicity of his knowledge he will lose sight of what is essential. But on the other hand, knowledge of an apparently trivial detail quite often makes it possible to see into the depth of things. And so the wise man will seek to acquire the best possible knowledge about events, but always without becoming dependent upon this knowledge. To recognize the significant in the factual is wisdom.may we all be wise in the significant depth of things and reality!