wow, seven years ago today i gave birth to our son. we had just sold everything, moved into ministry, and began the saga that was the past seven years.
last night it all hit me as i washed my face before bed. i looked into my eyes (not something i do regularly) and i saw new eyes, well, eyes that used to be there, but haven't been for the past seven years. in the past couple months i have tracked back the symptoms of my low thyroid to my son's birth - and because i have just started on the armour thyroid when i looked into my eyes last night i realized they were back. they are cellularly different. i don't know how to explain it, but they are changed.
the other day on the phone when i spoke with anj i told her of my frustration that came with the low thyroid of having a lot of mental confusion, and feeling like i have no brain any more. she asked 'did you have problems with your mind/memory in the late part of your pregnancies?' i reflected, 'oh yes, that was a big problem for me.'
she said 'well, it just shows that you are about to give birth to something'. gasp.
last night as i sat on my bed it all clicked. the conversation with anj, the horrible reaction to the prednisone, the seven years of this journey into ministry (to the minute) and having my eyes back - there is definitely something being reborn today. i picked up my journal and wrote like mad. wanting to capture that 'ah-ha' experience. wanting to remember the exact moment i realized i was "pregnant" and what the locust had eaten was being restored.
i wouldn't trade these past seven years for anything. they were my lowest lows, and my journey back. i learned things in that time that will serve me forever, things i don't think i would have learned any other way. the dark time a couple days ago reminded me afresh at how very far i've come. everything knit together to bring such hope and realization and a recapturing of the vision for the future. it is well with my soul.
i slept a slumber far different than any i have in a long time. peace and hope. i know that redemption is happening and i am truly grateful. happy birthday buck!