Monday, July 04, 2005

independence day

When in the Course of human events, it becomes necessary for one people to dissolve the political bands which have connected them with another, and to assume among the powers of the earth, the separate and equal station to which the Laws of Nature and of Nature's God entitle them, a decent respect to the opinions of mankind requires that they should declare the causes which impel them to the separation.
oh the irony of all of this coming together today is just killing me.

today the church will accept liam's letter of resignation. i have tried to blog on this 1/2 a dozen times, but it all sounds shrill, angry and vengeful. i want to be none of those things, but i also will not be silent. finding the balance of speaking the truth in love leaves me stretching and grasping for words right now.

needless to say it never had to go this way, they never understood our hearts and we're both weary and worn out. liam leaves today for a 5 day trip to the city w/ the jr. highers he's taking on a mission trip, and of course we'll still fulfill the other one at the end of this month - because we serve the KINGDOM, not this 'k'ing.

i have fallen even deeper in love with my husband through this process - he is such a man of honor, deep character and passion. watching him live in the tension of these emotions and decisions has been such an example to me. it's not been easy, but it is being used for good in our lives.

we knew we had outgrown the theology and the practice of this body, but we wanted to leave with a good transition so that what has been built doesn't have to disintegrate until the 'new guy' gets here. we truly knew this was our last year here and had been discussing schooling or 'next' since last november. it just didn't have to go this way, and it would be so easy to expose them, hold up the mirror to this process and leave them shattered, but we know that doesn't look like jesus, and no matter what, that is what our hearts desire.

we have no idea what is next. where do we fit in this kingdom now? we hardly even know anymore. sound counsel is needed, but the difficulty comes in the fact that those who have been established are part of the problem. our hearts hurt and our heads spin and the tears fall. dear god what is next?

as usual, we covet your prayers. specifically for the following:
  • rest - sleep is hard to come by when life is in this crisis mode. bad decisions are made when exhaustion sets in.
  • healing and refreshment on the trip for liam - being out of the office for a week will allow him to have a bubble surrounding him - that he could just totally enjoy being with the teens and having light-hearted ministry.
  • ready responses - i don't do 'fake' even if i try with all my heart. the truth here is so ugly that i must tread very cautiously (our severance depends on leaving quietly, and we have no intention of creating a disturbance...). but i know the well intentioned will still need 'answers'. right now i have none to give. we would gladly air all of 'our stuff' publicly, there has been no sin and the areas they classify as weaknesses we truly classify as strengths - we have full confidence that an airing (that they have threatened) will show them to be much more culpable than we are. but we also know that it's god's job to reveal the truth, not our's.
  • pray for pink and buck, they are slowly coming to the realization of what all of this really means.
  • that no matter what happens the severance remains intact.
  • that god makes it clear (liam asks for soon!) what 'next' will be.
  • that our family grows closer, enjoys this 'sabbatical' and has a blast together.
thank you!

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