kingdom size me

idelette and janet have been pulling apart the knots in the tangle of body image and hunger. i applaud them and their courageous insights. most of you know this is one of my major struggles too. my body isn't usually my friend. it seems that i have a lot of work to do in allowing god to redeem this area of my life.

one of the things that idelette wrote spun my thoughts outward:

"For the first time my hunger and my desires intersected. I could see my hunger, not as a physical hunger, but as a cry of my soul. A yearning of my heart. A deep hope for a destiny I couldn't quite understand. All I knew was that it felt Large. Kingdom-sized, I guess."

i love this thought. that my emptiness and hunger is more related to the kingdom than my body. i knew in my soul that it was spiritual, that i could pray instead of eat - but that rarely works. i also know that i can replace the compulsive overeating with churchy busyness, but that usually makes me feel just as empty in the long run. i want kingdom work, i was made for more than this.

i don't know if that is a longing i'll have to wait for the presence of god to be fulfilled, but i hope not. i pray that it's something 'on earth as it is in heaven'. for thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory, forever and ever. that means now, right? not some future millenial kingdom - forever is forever, am i mistaken? i hope not.