Monday, November 01, 2004

my 300th post!

well, how significant. i feel like i should honor this in some way, although i can't think of how.

i hate 'fall back' daylight savings time. it throws my internal clock off massively. i was finally starting to be able to sleep past 4:44 and somehow was making it to 5:45 - now i'm back to 4:44 again... how 'bout next year we move the clock forward 23 hours and re-live another day again? somehow that wouldn't seem as annoying to me.

i think it's just college students who enjoy day light savings time. an extra hour to party, and then sleep in. it's lost on this old feeble mind this morning. i'm wiped out and the day hasn't even started yet.

okay, post 300, and i'm in a fairly rotten mood - so how 'bout i count my blessings, maybe that will help.

-we have been given (free!) a 1987 volvo station wagon. be still my little swedish heart! there is no vehicle in this world that i could have wanted more! (now i am a liberal, volvo station wagon driving, soccer mom! - ha ha!)

-i got an nearly new, ice blue columbia sportswear winter coat for $20 and a pair of baby blue sorel boots for $15 at salvation army - jesus wants me to be warm this winter! :)

-we have had the most glorious fall, and even weather to enjoy it.

-i am heading on my first ever solo vacation in my life to meet many blogging friends! and i get to see a part of the country(s) i've always longed to see!

-although i'm not in it i have a warm, comfy bed with a sleepy giant of a husband resting peacefully upstairs who is strong, soft, capable, deep, interesting, a great cook, a wonderful partner and my best friend, who just happens to have the day off today. hurray!

-an incredible 8 1/2 year old daughter who has a wonderful free spirit and joy for life. she is so unlike me that everything is an exploration for us and she is growing into a lovely young lady who is spiritual, kind, tenderhearted, friendly, creative and bright. and she still thinks that her mom is someone she wants to spend time with, and for that i am blessed.

-my little pistol son who is 6 1/2 and so quick and bright, and funny, oh he has such a wonderful sense of humor. he still asks me to scratch his back and lets me cuddle him. he's respectful, passionate, feels things deeply and a joy to be around. he's so similar to my emotional make-up that it terrifies me sometimes, yet he is learning balance and discretion, and is learning delayed gratification. his one dimpled smile can take even the biggest drudgery and turn it into fun. he's going to do great things for god.

-my father is still with us, relatively healthy and relational. it's a blessing to have him close, even for the small times of connection that come between he and our family. when he chooses to eat with us and caresses my fingers while we hold hands in prayer, or squeezes them when my children pray and touch his heart. when he gets talkative and starts to tell me of his childhood, or military days and fills in blanks he doesn't even know exist. he's generous, helpful and hopeful and always wants to fix it and make it better even if i don't want him to. our children are learning that generations are necessary to build community and strength, and offer perspective and wisdom that comes with age. i don't know how long he's going to be with us, but i am grateful.

-our home is warm, safe and relatively clean and organized, and just filled with potential for fix up and improvements.

-our church is healthy and faces problems head on. it's not perfect, or very progressive, but my children are grounded and loved and cared for like we care for other's children. we have community and friends, and those relationship are deepening, and we have learned much in our time here.

-we have a plan for the future. we have begun to dream, to brainstorm, to engage and to plan. we have hope and direction and yet are open to any and all turns and twists that god may have for us. it is fluid and grace-filled, passionate and warm. it gives me something to look forward to and brings me much joy when i take it out of that box in my brain and hold it in open hands, offering it to god. it is good.

-i have a relationship with the triune god that i have never had before. while i have walked away from a safe and orderly faith, that sometimes looks so attractive when i sit amongst the questions, i realize that i am not going back, to go back is slavery and bondage. i have the spectrum between the black and white now, i have a god of shadow and light, where full color depth is far more interesting and rich than the 2-dimensional plastic jesus i used to worship. yes it's harder, scarier and sometimes more frustrating not to have all of the answers, but the intimate personalities of the triune god bring me closer into that constant contact and a fuller understanding of the global implications of faith in the context of all cultures, not just my own. it is truly a dangerous wonder.

i'm sure there are more, but those are the biggies, and i needed to remind myself of the biggies today. god is good, and i'm in a much better mood!

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