Wednesday, November 10, 2004


where do i start? this has been an extraordinary week in my life. a convergence of sorts. i must unpack it slowly.

it's also freaking me out a bit to have been so vulnerable and in such a community that is now spread across the world (literally). i was "me" for the first time in a long time (publically), not for the whole time there, but "i" came to visit more frequently than ever before and it's a strange place to be.

being present is sometimes a real struggle for me, either in my past or worrying about the future is regularly where i dwell, it is usually only when i write that i am able to face the screen and dwell in the now. this has been my only safe place (publically) that i've had since college, and that had it's own issues then. but now, i have been in the community of about 18 women (i can't remember how many exactly) who allowed "me" to be "me" and actually invited "me" to come to stay, and accepted "me" as i am, warts, intensity and all. the good, the bad and the ugly. whoa.

i must unpack slowly, so i don't miss anything. so i don't misinterpret or misuse. care must be taken, because everything is so very precious. i have experienced community on a cellular level and it is good. it is very good.

thank you to those who prayed for us, you have released 12 women into the kingdom to fulfill the call that god created each one for. i know now why i'm here. why it's important to be "me". why living authentically my life, and not someone else's matters. thank you also to those of you who made this possible, financially, logistically, administratively and practically. you all created a space for me that truly valued who i am as a person, but more importantly as a woman. redemption has begun, and will continue, and for that i can hardly put into words the deep level of my gratitude. and lastly thank you 12 for sharing your passions, fears, angst and truth with me. for trusting me, for accepting me and for challenging me to join into this community. i am at a loss for words, and you all know how difficult that truly is for me! :)

i love you all!

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