Tuesday, March 20, 2012

day 26 - not my problem, right?

better day, sunshine and warm weather is helping.

saw my therapist today.  lots of tears.  he also connected all of the loss i have experienced as of late.  it helped to process it.  no great bells went off, but it was motion in the right direction.

have gotten a tiny bit sucked back into the codependency of that former relationship.  they have just told us all (old friends here) that their house sale did not go through as planned and that they aren't in the most ideal situation...  makes me want to rush in and rescue - even after all of the crap i have gone through.  i would like to think it is motivated out of a heart of compassion, but i wonder if it's sadism or just desperate codependency again...  but i am not getting sucked in.  i will breathe, relax and keep my distance.  not my problem, sad for them, but it's unhealthy for me to participate.

i had been doing so well up until that point.

it engages my head though, i find myself solving problems, thinking through solutions and using my daydream time to be creative in how i can help.  it's not active thinking, just catch myself in the middle of it.  even in talking with liam about it he found himself in the same place.  i think we just still really care, have been the people with a big problem and been totally on our own.  hate to think anyone would have to survive that alone.  which they aren't - and our stories are not similar at all.  they chose this.  they are as far from their home that isn't selling as they can possibly be physically and still be in the same country right now.  rv-ing across america - what the heck were they thinking?

anyway - i write because sometimes it helps free the thoughts from my head so that they stop flying around in there.  and i'm heading to bed and would love to have a sleep free of this intrusion.

can't even keep my eyes open as i type.  i have learned that in recovery what i pray for people who i have resentments toward is the very thing i pray for myself.  so god, peace upon them, help them face their fears, find healing and cause them to prosper. i leave them in your hands. amen.

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