Friday, March 02, 2012

day 10 - on the mend

blew through the whole day, most of it on the internet and not once did i think "oh yeah, i should blog"... guess it's totally out of my system now. am finding some benefit, but it's definitely not a routine, as it's totally after midnight on most of the times i am remembering to blog... sigh.

had a huge ah-ha the other night at my meeting (which by the way is the highlight of my life right now - years and years and years of trying to start a real meeting - i have one now, and it's filled with amazing, wonderful, fun, funny, real people - oh how i treasure it) and we're starting step 4 work - and i realized that i had at my fingertips the exact tools i needed to get through the whole load of crap i just blogged about and NEVER once thought to do it... i had finished step 12 with my sponsor last april and she flaked on me, and so i hadn't been working the steps until we started this meeting back up - but it never once occurred to me to deal with my resentments and fears by putting them through a step 4, duh. how dense is that?

thankful that i have the cycle of the steps to keep me on task even when my brain doesn't realize it's moving in the right direction. oh god i am so thankful for the 12 steps.

so, i will be moving toward filling in those names and moving through that process - and hopefully come out the other side of this empty of resentments and filled with peace, less on fear and more on hope. duh. still makes me smile and shake my head. better than giving my head a shake, eh?

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