Wednesday, June 30, 2004

it's real, it's real, it's real!!

wooooooooo hoooooooo! it's real. i'm really published. i can't link to it here, but it's real! sigh. i actually thought that at the last minute they'd change their minds, but it's real. i've seen the cover - IT'S REAL!

i haven't had a job in over 8 years. no paycheck, no pat on the head, no immediate validation. i proposed an article for a trade journal and not only did they like it they are featuring it, and i've got my name (my real name) on the cover - wooo hooo! this is really validating for me. someone else realized i have a brain in my head. for some strange reason that is so important to me.

you may be able to put 2&2 together and figure out who i am, and that's never been my reason for anonimity here on my blog. it's truly so the sr. pastor/board and our church or my extended family can't google my name (like they don't have better things to do) and find out i'm airing myself (and sometimes them) in public). if curiosity is killing you (and i'm sure you have better things to do too) email me and i will send you the link. the article link isn't active yet, but the cover and the descriptions of the articles are there. they usually activate the links about a week into release.

i sent it to a friend who i respect and she told me the article was 'beautiful and brave'. it's that brave part i'm still a bit nervous about. i know that it could fall into the hands of those in authority at our church, and it's a challenge to them, and to all churches to use power properly. so, for as excited as i am that this is soon to arrive on my doorstep, i'm also a bit anxious.

i watched my mother bobbie, the real bobbie, write her whole life without getting published. it broke her heart. i hope she's happy for me. my father's reaction will be a crap shoot. he may love it, or he may hate it. it's kind of critical of churches that think they have it all figured out. we'll see. either way i set out to accomplish something and i did it. i'm really proud of myself, i hope that doesn't sound vain (because you know pride comes before the fall... as my mother would remind me EVERY time i would be happy about something that i had accomplished...)

father help me to glory in the fact that i have accomplished something without being prideful. help me to find that balance. i don't want to fall. i don't want to be prideful. i just truly want to enjoy the fact that something i did worked. amen.

No comments: