programming my satellite dish

yesterday while everyone was at work and school i indulged myself with a gentleness break. i watched 'calendar girls' on dvd. i really had no expectation that i was really going to enjoy it, but i knew it was a film liam would have no desire to watch, so i snuggled in during the horrible rainstorm and let the story unfold.

it is a story of a different kind of 'coming of age', it's end of life stuff, aging, finding beauty in oneself and breaking free of roles and life expectations.

i won't even go to the place that compares the 'w.i.' to women's ministries at our churches nowdays - that's another post...

what i didn't expect was how large a role 'my flower' was going to play in the movie. it totally took me off guard. i use netflix for dvd's so we don't get the pretty covers with pictures. i guess there is probably a sunflower on the dvd box, but all i get is an envelope. so i was totaly unprepared.

the most moving part for me were the words of a husband fighting lukemia early in the movie. he writes them down to share with the 'w.i.' and dies before he is able. they are read by the widow's best friend. i went back and re-watched these words over and over so i could type them here:

a while ago i asked john clark to speak at the W.I., i'm going to read to you what he wrote:

the flowers of yorkshire are like the women of yorkshire. every stage of their growth has it's own beauty. but the last phase is always the most glorious.

then very quickly they go to seed.

which makes it ironic, my favorite flower isn't even indiginious to the british isles, let alone yorkshire.

i don't think there is anything on this planet that more trumpets life than the sunflower.

for me that's because the reason behind it's name. not because it looks like the sun, but because it follows the sun.

during the course of the day the head tracks the journey of the sun across the sky.

a satellite dish for sunshine.

wherever light is, no matter how weak, these flowers will find it.

and that's such an admirable thing.

and such a lesson in life.

calendar girls, 2003

the head tracks the journey of the sun... wherever light is... no matter how weak... these flowers will find it.

i feel as if i've lost my ability to follow the sun, to track the light. no matter how weak? oh it doesn't feel that way, i feel too weak.

father reprogram the satellite dish that is my soul to constantly reach for those things that are good and whole, to see the best in those around me, to turn my face, help me to follow the light today.