Sunday, August 15, 2004

best and worst

WORST - unthinkingly plagiarizing a friends thoughts and not giving credit where credit is due. the title of a blog post is usually the part of the post that trips me up most. if i can get past that empty box then the rest of the post usually flows out of me. but if i get hung up on the box i get blocked, and my thoughts end up on a continuous spin cycle in my head until that little box is filled. so the way my brain works, filling in that box with words is necessary to get the others to flow. that the title reflects the post, and possibly might be pithy or catchy is of utmost importance to me. it's usually just a relief to get that title box filled in.

if something leaps to mind i usually type it in and rarely give it much thought. that is what happened on friday. i was so moved by neritia's blog post that with 5 minutes i had a 'boutique' set up to honor her, and in doing so i used my large feet to walk all over my good friend's thoughts. they weren't unique to me, and i can even say, other than typing them to fill the box, i gave them little thought.

the worst came when she read her own words on my blog and felt violated.

BEST - the best came when she emailed me to tell me. rarely do i have someone in my life who respects our relationship enough to tell me when i violate it. anj did. she loved me enough to speak the truth in love. i need, covet and desire nothing more in my life than to be around people who continue to do that for me. i am a truth teller, it's part of my nature. i think quickly on my feet and that can be intimidating and i sometimes come across as a know it all.

people in my 'real world' avoid speaking truth into my life, either 'in love' or even 'in hate' - i usually just get shallowness, apathy or why bothers... even people who commit to more, to holding me accountable, to investing themselves in my life. it has been a constant source of sorrow for me.

anj courageously emailed me and told me of how my words affected her. she has a history where others have done similar things and the outcomes were less than desireable. today instead of a wall, we built a bridge. only because anj had the courage and determination to not let something 'be placed between our hearts'.

thank you anj. your courage and your friendship honors me and restores a bit of the untruth i have believed to be true of myself. i am grateful for your presence in my life, and for your friendship. i truly won't want things to ever come between our hearts.

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