Tuesday, August 10, 2004


so yesterday we had a great day together, lunch out, thrift stores, bargains and back to school supplies, a day that stays engrained in a childhood memory. i have a lot of those and i wanted to create one for my kids yesterday. i think it was a good day all around.

it ended with me heading to my recovery group at the church. i guess i was worn out, and grumpy because i was just not in the mood to be there. everything said was old, worn and must have been for somebody else. i was irritated and wanted to leave a couple of times because it was so sappy. so bible-study-ish, so not me.

i'm struggling because those running the recovery at our church are still so tied up in image and 'all together' and they are portraying to the newcomer a 'look like me and everything will be just fine' kind of recovery that i think is dangerous. i hope that's not what's in their hearts, but it's the icky way it comes across and last night i had had enough of it.

so we're in our small group, and it's finally almost over, i'm still grumpy, and one of the women who i was the grumpiest at says, 'oh, by the way, this has been rumbling around my head for days...' my eyes roll (inside my head so no one can see them...) and i prepare for more 'homilies and homespun wisdom'.

then she says 'sometimes when we face trials we think 'okay lord, what am i supposed to learn from this?' when what god is really saying is 'this trial is to help you 'unlearn' what you had mistaken for truth before'.

hmmmm.... it was all worth it just for that. my attitude realigns with the universe and i remember that 99% of the time it's not about 'me' and i still need to stick it out and 'keep coming back' because that 1%, when it hits it hits like a brick.



what am i supposed to be 'unlearning' today lord?

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