Monday, August 23, 2004

off on a mini holiday!

liam is home! we had a potluck missionary luncheon at the church and he swooped in and found me there - i love reunions! they had a good (wet, muddy time - think chocolate frosting 12" deep) and everyone was safe and well behaved. the blindside concert got rained out (again) so i was glad i didn't go because they were the only band i hadn't seen before, and i would have been really miffed to have waited in the rain all day to miss them again.

we got home and enjoyed being together again, as a family, and a couple. we laid in bed and talked late into the dark about the future and dreams and plans. it was a great night.

today liam has a meeting with the head of our denomination's youth program, he has a free night in the holiday inn, so the kids and i are tagging along to use the pool, mini golf and just plain hang out in a place that is different than home. pink and liam love hotels and this is a wonderful surprise to end the summer.

they start school on wednesday, buck has a 1/2 day on wednesday to break him into 1st grade - and then on thursday he's full day. i can hardly believe it's really happening. i know we all make different choices, and please don't mistake mine for one that i think everybody should make. i totally understand the desire or need to return to work, i felt it many times. but these past 8 years of being a stay at home mom weren't the most instantly gratifying that i've ever had.

they were filled with many very wonderful times, but staying at home is a long term investment as far as i'm concerned. the pat on the head and the paycheck aren't received or cashed for years to come. there were many times of little support and financial hardship. we had to make tough choices and i had to sacrifice any thoughts of career or further education, many times so did liam. it's hard sometimes to sit with my girlfriends who've 'made so much of themselves' professionally and feel like such a failure.

but i am so pleased with my children. they are truly a joy (and other people think so too!) and i can honestly say i didn't miss anything. that is a regret i am overjoyed will not haunt me years down the road (when they enter therapy!) i will know i did my best. i wasn't perfect, but i was in the game and there. they have been heard, they have been cherished, they have been disciplined and challenged. pink and buck are well-rounded, deep, enthusiastic children. i am proud to be their mother.

on thursday i am starting a new phase of life. i know it won't be easy for other reasons. i will miss have that little dimple and those curls around to keep me company, those encouraging words and 'hey mom, will you please come and play super smash brothers with me?' to add a little spice to my day. but i truly feel that i will be entering 'next' here. my home will not be getting continually messy as soon as i clean it, my children are getting much more capable of actually helping now, structure is good for my soul. i used to think i liked free-flowing, spontaneous days, but i realized in this past year that having a routine feeds a place in me that i've never had before.

it's going to be a good week. it's going to be a good year. i'm really looking forward to what's in store.

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