Wednesday, August 11, 2004

the touched and the untouched

i know it's a very general, sweeping statement, but as far as i can see it the whole world boils down into two large camps. the touched, and the untouched.

there are some who stroll through life unaffected by the cruelty of others, oblivious to the fact that there are others, who because of some arbitrary choice someone selfishly made, have had their lives irrevocably changed, damaged, and altered.

these two groups are hard to discern, because the touched spend so much time trying to hide the shame and behave as the untouched do, watching, mimicking the untouched's every move. trying to 'fit in', trying to appear normal. trying to just make the rest of it all go away.

but when out of sight, when no one is looking the facade falls away, the cracks begin to show and reality's ugly face comes to call.

this 'fellowship' is made up entirely of unwilling members, people who don't want to belong, don't want to join and who definately don't want to pay the dues required. (they are expensive and last a lifetime.)

i've been reading lots of blogs lately, and this is a common thread. writers owning the sexual, physical, and emotional battering that has hurt them throughout their lives. a fellowship of pain.

i don't want to belong to this club, it has done much damage in my life, but i will say that i am honored to 'stand' among you courageous, passionate, amazing men and women, who feel things so deeply and share so honestly. you all inspire me, give me courage and strength to face my own fears. to keep going, keep writing and keep placing the pieces of the puzzle of my life together and use them to help others.

to those of you who have been touched, injured, damaged by the selfish, thoughtless deeds of others, please know, you are not alone. our membership was decided by others, but i welcome you to our unwelcome fellowship of pain.

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