The Pride of Imperfection

WOW - as I finish up my step 7 work this week I needed this kick in the pants - would LOVE a friend like this in my life who can speak the truth so plainly to me:

All this preoccupation with your own imperfection is not humility, but an insidious form of spiritual pride. What do you expect to be? A saint? There are desperately few of them; and even they found their faults, which are the raw material of sanctity remember. You know best when and how you fall into these various pitfalls. Try and control yourself when you see the temptation coming. Pull yourself up and make an act of contrition when you catch yourself doing any of the things.

Never allow yourself to be pessimistic about your own state. Look outward instead of inward; and when you are inclined to be depressed and think you are getting on badly, make an act of thanksgiving instead because others are getting on well. The object of your salvation is God's Glory, not your happiness. So, be content to help, remaining yourself in the lowest place. Merge yourself in the great life of the Christian family. You have tied yourself up so tight in that accursed individualism of yours--the source of all your difficulties--that it is a marvel you can breathe at all.

Source: The Letters of Evelyn Underhill

Read more and add your thoughts at inward/outward

in

for those of you following my empty journey or taking one of your own i give you these words that were given to me this morning.

i have been reading praying with jesus by eugene peterson. i got off track during school so i'm a bit behind. that always seems to have a purpose, and today's entry (which was really november 12th's entry) is well timed. i have had three good days of sitting with empty. being satisfied with my one serving at each meal and not eating anything between meals, and then sitting with the feeling after each meal as the fullness starts to fade and the empty starts to rise, and letting that be that and not panicking and stuffing it. it's not the easiest things i've ever done, but it's not the most difficult thing either.

i know there will be days it will be harder than these past few have been. but i feel like i'm back on the beam a bit more fully than i have been in a while.

the readings have been in john 14 and are very timely as i mentioned. yesterday's was about jesus not leaving us orphaned and promising us the spirit of truth. today's was titled "in". john 14:20-21:

"...I am in my Father, and you in me, and I in you. They who have my commandments and keep them are those who love me; and those who love me will be loved by my Father, and I will love them and reveal myself to them."

"In" is the preposition of intimacy and one of the most important words in the gospel. It is later picked up by Paul and used in his famous formula "in Christ." Jesus sets us in a relationship of intimacy with himself by which we experience the fullness of God.

PRAYER: Jesus, I know that you will not leave me empty or orphaned. I thank you for the promise of your presence. Invade, invigorate, inspire by your Spirit. Amen.

if anyone remembered my angry, angry, angry post you'll know that parent junk and empty junk is a lot of what i'm processing right now. the promise not to be orphaned or empty (linked together) is pretty incredible for me and i hope it might be for you too.

today being an uncelebrated thanksgiving for me (in the usual, lots of family, big turkey dinner sense) seems fitting to my orphaned, empty state. but it isn't driving me to stuff myself. it is helping me to know that those two things are not true, and even if they were i would still be okay. i am really missing my extended family today, but i am thankful for what i do have and for where i am. in.

thankful?

i'm feeling pretty pushed and blah this thanksgiving season. clean sweeping, packing, sorting and selling on ebay makes up the parts of my days not spent cooking, cleaning or homeschooling. it's a pretty steady pace. that's not a bad thing, but unfortunately it's not fertile ground for feeling thankful this season.

don't get me wrong, i have tons to be thankful for, i just am afraid of the emotion that will overwhelm me if i stop long enough to figure out what they are...

i guess the biggest thing right now that i'm thankful for is that i don't have to cook tomorrow... just make a salad and show up at the cousin's house. works for me.

pray you all have a deeper, richer, soulful time than i'm having here.

happy thanksgiving!

thankful hearts

my words are scarce today, so i hope these express my heart more fully...

• Gratitude unlocks the fullness of life. It turns what we have into enough, and more. It turns denial into acceptance, chaos to order, confusion to clarity. It can turn a meal into a feast, a house into a home, a stranger into a friend. Gratitude makes sense of our past, brings peace for today, and creates a vision for tomorrow. (Melody Beattie)

• A thankful heart is not only the greatest virtue, but the parent of all the other virtues. (Cicero)

• Gratitude is the memory of the heart. (J.B. Massieu)

• Gratitude takes three forms: A feeling in the heart, an expression in words, and a giving in return. (Anonymous)

• Let us be thankful for the fools. But for them the rest of us could not succeed. (Mark Twain)

• Nothing is worth more than this day. (Goethe)

happy thanksgiving all!

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