we buy a home today

i have been horrible at blogging lately. i mentioned on my other blog that i didn't want to have to blog the heartbreak of not getting our house in case it fell through.

well, that also left out documenting the process if it didn't - and it didn't, or did, anyway - it's real. we bought an 85 year old craftsman bungalow that we adore and can't wait to move into.

it's been a glorious process, everything we needed was at hand - it's a beautiful story of redemption and i really want to take the time to document it. i've been journaling the process, but i need to flesh it out.

we've been given $ for a reno of the kitchen too, so we won't be moving in right away. we've got all of july to fix it up, paint, prettify and move. i couldn't be more excited.

it's been 14 years since we have had a home to call our own.

i have blogged more details on my other blog - leave comment if you don't know where that is and i'll contact you with the url.

thanks for celebrating with us. couldn't have done it without you.

the peace of a closed door

found out early friday saturday that the woman who originally offered on the house met her conditions. after i went through friday with a very experienced carpenter i was actually relieved. he helped me to understand that some of the repairs, if they uncovered problems could easily extend the house well past it's possible equity and far beyond our limited resources.

i was surprised at how okay i was with the info. reaching and hoping doesn't mean i turn off my brain - just that i risk and stretch. thanks so much for the sweet comments on the last post. nice to know that my absence at blogging didn't mean a loss of my favorite readers. but it did mean the loss of my memory to actually check in to see the comments :p aging brains are for the birds...

what was really cool that came from this experience is that i am no longer afraid to ask for help from people like carpenters and builders and the local man who has been shepherding us through this process has been so affirming of my abilities to handle these men. i had asked him to be the general contractor if we ever got the house - and he assured me that i was up to the job and that he'd stand behind me and coach me if it ever came to an incidence where i felt bullied or over my head.

the other cool thing was that we realized that we really liked the new, modern feel that this house had because of the interior renos - things we might not have ever done for ourselves as we can tend toward the "good enough, and that'll do" side of things. we realized that there are other fix-ups out there - and we just need to find one with some good bones to start with. amazing what a bit of stretching will do a for a soul.

Sign, sign, everywhere a sign...

Okay, I give.

Coming home from camping the other day we stopped at the Goodwill and I peeked through the housewares section quickly. Stacked in amongst the frames I found a print by one of my favorite artists, maryanne radmacher. i was so tickled.

then, i saw it was signed. by her. in pencil. right at the signature. a signed maryanne radmacher print for $2.99. then i read it. gasp.

may your walls know joy;
may every room hold laughter
and
every window
open to
great
possibility.

the side of the print has a portion torn from a dictionary for "home", it has words like "focus, habitation, near, interior, arrival, refuge, present within, at ease, social gathering, be at, to visitors, freedom, pleasure, content, make oneself free, sociable, stay at, knowledge, skill, with friendship.

the little block under it has the words to favour, gain the friendship of, embrace; receive with open arms, meet half way, take in good part, affected, unhostile, neighbourly, sympathetic, harmonious, hearty.

it is a housewarming print and i got mine right from the artist. :D

yesterday i was im'ing with penni and she asked about the house. i told her i was beginning to chicken out. i felt some fear in the disappointment and was avoiding doing what was next. there is a business man at our church who walked our friends through the difficult process of returning the house to the bank, and i knew he would be the person to ask to help us. for some reason i was avoiding making the call.

penni gave me a shove. i got off the computer, picked up the phone and called. he wasn't home, but called me back. he was so excited. i could just hear it in his voice that this might bring this journey full circle for him too. he said he'd be happy to help us meet with the right people at the right time and help us to figure out what the bid should be and how to navigate the process well. he said that this kind of thing is one of his favorite things to do - so his excitement in all of this reassured me that doing 'the next right thing' was exactly the right thing. thank you penni for the push! he cautioned me though that this could definitely take some time. banks don't move quickly and i reassured him that we weren't in any rush (but in my heart of heart I WANT IT yesterday!)

then last night i shared vaguely about this process. our group knows that my heart beats for a home, for some roots. i had only shared with one couple so far of THIS particular home. they prayed for us - and three of them said specifically "by Christmas" - by Christmas - I gasped. Really? I barely could ask for so much. One of the women heard in my voice my hesitation and spoke directly to my insecurity of being afraid of asking for something so big. that somehow i didn't think i deserved this. it was truly beautiful.

i joked afterward as we were making plans for the next week that we would host the christmas party! :)

then today after we were done garage sailing (we do sail through them!) we went out for chinese buffet. we have a tradition in our family that the fortune cookies are disbursed by taking the one closest to you, otherwise it could mess up the karma (no spiritual beliefs here, just laid back joking, honest). i don't know if i mentioned in the last post that one of the things that really started me down this path was our financial advisor giving us a bit of a shove into this and that shortly after that we had chinese and liam got a fortune that read "You will move to a wonderful new home within the year." - it was such a joke for us, but stranger things have been known to happen. i kind of held on to that and only really remembered it as "you will move into a new house" (the timing was lost to my memory).well, today the kids and i had opened our fortunes and they were pretty bland, and liam's was sitting there while he ate his dessert - and i joked and handed it to him saying in a spooky voice "you will move into a new house"... and guess what. it's EXACTLY THE ONE HE GOT!

within the year. from liam's fortune cookie to god's ear...

redemption songs

i can't believe it's the last weekend of the summer. it has flown by and been glorious. we head off today to celebrate the end of the season with friends camping on the coast.

it has been a summer of dreams and deep conversations. it feels wonderful to be dreaming again. admitting hope and rising above the terror that disappointment could and might bring can be a mighty powerful thing.

one of the dreams that i have given voice to is my deep desire to own a home again. we have moved 18 times in our marriage. i am ready for some roots. i deeply long for a home to call our own again.

when we entered ministry over a decade ago we gave up the new home we had just purchased and entered into a long time of financial difficulty and strain. i have been praying that god would restore to us what the locust have eaten. we live very simple lives and i could rent for the remainder if it was god's will. (i type that in recovery terms, not the "god's will" or my fundamental upbringing - those are two very different things to me now even though they occupy the same language).

i am ready. i long to sink deep roots into rich soil. it is fertile here and we know that this could be home forever and continue to nurture us greatly and allow us to nurture others.

some of our best friends here have gone through one of the most hellish summers i know. the beginnings of a business, a dream of restoration and creating homes for our community got quickly off course and deeply troublesome for them. the home he was flipping is being returned to the bank this week. from the outside it still looks like a spook house, but inside. oh inside. it is a house dreams are made of. the original family suffered great loss, bankruptcy and divorce. the house was left in shambles. it has begun to be restored. another family suffering great loss and difficulties that threatened the very fiber of their family, but they have made it through. we walked along side them.

the redemption in this property is palpable. it drips of restoration and redemption. i have never wanted anything this badly in my life. never. maybe i have but have never admitted it before? i don't know. but this. this i long for. this i desire. not in a broken, spoiled "give it to me or i will punish you" way, but in a 'deep desire of the heart' kind of way. the redemption story here is just too great. it is bigger than a house, it is bigger than a home. i want to tell this story of restoration. i want to live in a home that reclaims that loss.

it is just one piece of property and i know that other places have different stories to tell, and maybe my house is one of them. but i am so intimately tied into this one already, i would love to see it's fulfillment.

most of you know that liam's father passed away last spring. we had prayed that there might be some financial benefit passed to his kids. so far there is no word of that. i got an email from his stepmother this morning in my inbox, right after liam and i prayed together about this. it was the standard forward email, but i took the time to update her on our lives and felt the nudge to tell her of this dream. property values in our little town on the edge of civilization are laughable by other standards. we're talking very little money here. but i am praying that god will move her. cause her to understand how very much some small generosity on her part could have huge repercussions in our lives.

next week we have an appointment with our new financial adviser. he was the one who planted this seed of possibility in our heads at the beginning of summer. i don't know where it will lead, but i want to be done with small dreams that never disappoint. i want to reach beyond the fear and hope for something so big that it just might happen.

i long to sing my own redemption songs.

my new corner of the world

my computer and desk have a new home, it's quiet and lovely. i am enjoying it immensely, but it is really quiet. like i don't know if i can hear the doorbell or the telephone ring quiet.

no television, kids playing noise or anything. i'm almost worried i'll miss something.

but i guess the kids know where i am and so here i sit, under my eaves, at my little desk and type.

i treated myself today. i had some blueberry coffee beans i bought from benbows of bar harbor and enjoyed it in my 2 cats mug, lit my patchouli candle and savored my solitude (my son called home from school sick, but he was far away in his room).

this is definitely a place to find "empty"...

i wrote an email to my therapist and told him that i no longer wanted to make friends with empty. i wanted to hunt it down and beat it with a stick. this is harder than it sounds.

anyway, i leave you with a picture from my new office.

school's out

well, it's official - summer has begun. pink and buck had 1/2 a day today and brought home great report cards. we've never been high pressure on the scholastic end of things - just want them to do their best and improve, and they both did and got such nice compliments from their teachers. well rounded kids.

pink is in the middle of 'nobody likes me, everybody hates me' - so i guess that means she's ready for middle school, eh? buck has effortless friendships and lots of boys from church in our neighborhood. so far he hasn't hit any snags, so it almost makes it even harder for pink. they include her, but i know she loves frills and girly stuff - so she really misses a friend to do stuff with.

my mom used to stuff me with tons of food at this stage in my life. it helped us bond and we both felt too anesthetized to be sad anymore... it's so tempting to want to distract her with food, spending, shopping or activity instead of sitting with her in the middle of her tears. it seems counter-intuitive to allow her to feel negative feelings. it's almost like we've been programmed to insulate our kids from any of that. i just really wish that it didn't have to be like this - but know that medicating away the pain is what got me where i am. god help me to not be so uncomfortable with her pain that i feel the need to anesthetize us both.

we've only got a week of this before we head out for a two week holiday. we decided that linking both weeks of our family visits together saved us over 8 hours of driving/gas/wear and tear on the "sherman tank". wear and tear on us is going to be a different story. one week in ontario and then a week in pennsylvania (the opposite side to where we lived - scranton area).

the only thing motivating me to ontario is the possibility of seeing erin and connie - erin is a sure thing, connie i've yet to coordinate. staying a week at liam's sister's house is just not my idea of "vacation" - but anything shorter won't allow us to see family and friends. we're taking a day in the middle of that week and heading to the niagara great wolf lodge - so that should be a highlight of the trip. we attended a family reunion at the kalahari in the wisconsin dells a couple of years ago and it was so much fun, the kids still talk about it.

the week after we are headed to the camp my sister and her husband just started working at and the kids will be campers that week. i don't know how far we'll be from deb & jeff - but if liam and i can swing a supper visit i'm going to try.

so life is in full flux, i don't do well in these stages and i've been feeling pretty fragile lately. i'm finally starting to feel the excitement of the trip though and not just the overwhelming amount of work! :) hope your weekend looks bright and shiny!

phone calls in the night

liam woke me up and told me my aunt called to let me know that my father was rushed into surgery yesterday for appendicitis and that he was recovering okay.

i wish he had woke me with the phone instead of the information, but i guess he was a bit in shock too.

my dad is healthy. yes, he's got RA and is a type 1 diabetic, but other than that he's fit - 70 years old and plays (wipes the floor) basketball with the highschoolers he helps coach. i can't say this was expected. but then it never is, is it?

i found my lungs frozen. i couldn't get a full breath. it took me a bit to process the thoughts. wisconsin is so very far away. i lay there in bed for about 30 minutes wishing i was by his side, what if something horrible happened? what if? what if? and then i realized that i have said everything. yes, it would be horrible, but there is nothing unspoken. we have a wonderful relationship now. there was nothing i could do last night to make it any better than it already was.

it gave me great peace and i was able to return to sleep.

i'd ask if you might pray for his recovery today. i'd love it if this didn't stop his hook shot or float fishing. he brings a smile to everyone he meets (and a lot of fish) and is so very special. we are planning on meeting at my sisters in july and i would really treasure having time with him again. please also pray for my sister, i know she's going to have a tough time with this one. thank you.

UPDATE: just spoke with my sister, my dad & my aunt (thank god for flat rate phone bills!) and everyone seems to be doing well, especially my father. somehow he was convinced his appendix was on the opposite side it was - so he was convinced it wasn't appendicitis... so thankful my aunt (who he lives with) insisted he go to the hospital. i guess it was just in time - he had 104 temp before they took him into surgery. he lived with us for 5 years before we moved here - so i know how very stubborn he can be about getting help. my aunt deserves a medal for this one! :) thanks for your prayers!

garage sailing

yes, sailing, as out of here - away from my way too many projects on the go - it's been a great week, very disorganized and my flat is in chaos - and i am going to leave it all behind in great amounts of denial and sail outta here.

the sun is shining and i am going to write here again, i promise - but it's just necessary to escape and be free from the confines today.

hope this saturday finds you all well!

monday, monday

so sad to hear about the death of denny doherty. only 66.

no time to post real stuff (not that i have been lately anyway)... we're taking friends to the 'big city' airport today. liam is coming with and i am looking forward to a nice lunch, hitting the art supply store and the health food store to find some lovely tea. these cold night here have me yearning for something warm to drink and my tea supply has gotten down right depleted.

hope you have a wonderful day!

we now return to regularly scheduled programing

it has been 18 days, wonderful days, but 18 of them - and my kids are FINALLY back to school! yippee!

if i owe you an email or you have responded kindly to my posts of late please know i have not been ignoring you. i want to write back in a way that responds to what you have said, not just gets you an email back. and i haven't had either the time or the mind space at the same time to do so. boy i can't wait until my office room is renovated. it will make it so much easier to read and write without having to be in the center of family life.

my son has decided that he is not a big fan of me writing about him. i made the mistake of telling him a story i remembered as i categorized some of my old blog posts. he was mortified. it moved him to tears to know that i had written these things about him. he and i have come to an agreement that i will talk to him about things before i write about him and get his permission. ugh. the past week of his life has been monumental. i told him last night as we prepared for bed that i wish we had determined this next month so that i could post about him and all of the amazing conversations we have had. i guess they're just for me (and him)... oh well.

i always seem to forget how much i love routine. i'm finding that i especially appreciate it when that structure is outside of me. mysteriously i respond well to it. having the kids back in school now i'm hopeful that i can get on top of the things that have gotten on top of me for the past week or so. getting the laundry done, the decorations down and have life return back to it's regularly scheduled programming will give me great joy.

when did i move to the south?

all right, we are supposed to be in canada, eh?

i peeked out the window this morning after the alarm went off just to see how bad we got nailed last night. there was less than an inch. oh well, somehow we here on the east coast have gotten vancouver's weather this year.

so i made coffee and started to read blogs while it brewed. i decided it might be a good idea to call the cancellation/delay number for the school before i woke my kids up, and i expected a possible delay.

nope, they canceled school. wimps. granted the forecast was supposed to be horrible. i think everyone keeps holding their breath waiting for the other snow boot to drop. not today. at least my children will be gloriously happy with this gift from the school board.

they'll be out there like those southern kids trying to scrape together enough snow to possibly make a snowman or a few snowballs. great white north my eye...

christmas power post

good christmas eve morning!

no, i am not in a puddle in the corner of the room, honest. sorry, life has just gotten full and i am truly enjoying the holiday season and emotions. even the melancholy ones.

i am way behind in my correspondence, book reviews and blogging. please know that i am not ignoring you, but my computer has decided to crash and i have wanted to wait until after the holidays to bug our good friend here who might be able to fix it for us. i don't think it's fatal, just more than we can manage on our own.

my christmas present is on it's way - a new screen. i will take a picture and post of the ANCIENT screen i have been using - it is HUGE and cumbersome, and my new flat screen will give me lots of space on my desk to do art now too!! and i won't have to play the "oooh, let's guess what the capture is on the typepad blogs 15 times so i can post a comment..." (that has been going on for almost a year now...)

we have had fun this season using our surprise baby bonus check from the government and are putting it to good use. i think it might be a bit of coping going on, but we're not going into any debt, so i'm not going to feel guilty, well, i'm not going to let the guilty feelings stay. we're being generous with it too and have got to help out some other families in our community have a christmas too.

pink and i celebrated our first 'santa lucia day' - she did so well and was a shining light in her white gown and wreathe (we need to get a 'real one' next winter). i've included a picture of the saffron/current buns we made together. we have also decided to embrace st. nicholas day next winter as buck felt very left out of the preparations, so we are doing research and finding traditions we can embrace that will allow buck to have 'his day' like pink has her's now with st. lucy day.

i am just loving the rhythm and flow of this first christmas without ministry or moving in the way. it is simple and beautiful and we are finding the things that truly matter to us. i do miss family, even liam's family, but i think our choice to stay close to home this season has been a good one.

i promise i'll write more soon. i've put together my top 5 post and will get that up as soon as bob launches the blog. you're invited to join - and this year blog readers can join too - find the top 5 posts (from any blogger) that you've read this year and send it to bob at the corner blog and he'll add it to the list!

have a wonderful next couple of days - please know that you have made this year more rich and far more interesting for me! merry christmas!

flat on my face

upon returning from picking up the last gift on my list this afternoon (the store called to inform me that it was in, and they'd hold it today only...) i noticed how muddy the driveway was and decided to keep to the snow patches. bad idea. it was really an ice patch and before i knew it i was BAM, flat on my face. literally, nose touching the dirt, shocked as all get out and thankful that i don't have osteoporosis or brittle bones.

i think my knee broke my fall, but it's just scuffed, but my pride and my shame were in full force as i stumbled into the house with all of my US mail in hand, scattered like leaves in the wind when i fell.

i think my pride was bruised most of all, but i am sure i might be feeling it a bit tomorrow. so much for silence and serenity, eh?

please pray for me as this afternoon i have been invited to an intervention for a dear friend here who's daughter is fading quickly from anorexia. i have never been involved in anything like this, and will probably just be there for emotional support. i know if it was my own daughter i would appreciate this greatly. thank you for your prayers.

retrospective

ah 2006, it hardly seems like you were really 12 months long, and yet so very much has happened i can hardly believe it's only been 12 months.

i spoke with my good friend, the worship pastor's wife, from our old church this morning and i can hardly believe that this time last year we were still there. not at the church, but in that community. it hardly seems possible.

hearing how bad things are there now makes me even more grateful that we have moved on. whoa. we definitely got out of there in the nick of time. i feel so badly for her, still trapped, with her husband killing himself for ungrateful people. it surely isn't what god meant ministry to look like. how did the church get so off track?

so today, i am grateful. to be gone, to be free, to be settled in and living life at a pace that allows for life to be enjoyed. even though this past year was filled with packing and moving (twice) i know that we are placing down roots into fertile soil. god is calling us to minister in new ways here and it is good.

i am looking forward to what 2007 holds. it seems to be a year of vast opportunity, farewell 2006, you served us well. i'm glad this transition time is over and the settling in has begun.

now all i need are some square pants!

said blogging friend below followed up in an email this a.m. - jokingly she told me that i can now call myself 'sponge-bobbie' :)

that made me laugh out loud!

hope you're enjoying your weekend, trying to get the flat back in order here. too much time away throws everything off for me. life is beginning to return to normal, and getting on top of the house, getting the decorations put up and the boxes/totes put back in the attic until it's time to re-pack will be very helpful.

it's hard to believe that this time last year we were packing up pennsylvania to move here. what a difference a year makes.

postively trying

i am having such a difficult time putting the past month into words. i don't know why, but i have been wondering if it is more difficult for me to talk about positive things and success than it is for me to write about my trials and tribulations... i am not really sure, but i know that i have started many different posts that end up in the virtual, crinkled up waste bin. i think i'll just say that it was amazing and i enjoyed it fully and it's good to be home.

life is back to "normal" and it feels great.

thankful heart

today i am thankful that we celebrated thanksgiving in october on the canadian holiday and that i don't have to make a turkey or have any hungry company today.

i do miss my family today more than i did yesterday. we had a wonderful tradition that we are not going to be participating in today. i will miss that.

but just returning home and having to speak this weekend at our women's retreat makes for far too much stuffed into too few days. i don't feel ready or focused enough to get ready. liam reminded me this morning that i have a lifetime of 'getting ready' for this, and i know he's right, i just don't want to ramble and be all distracted.

so, just for today i am going to be thankful. i am home, safe and sound with my family here. we have an amazing community that we are putting down roots in and i am able to use my gifts in a church like i've always longed to do.

i have the blogosphere where i can send my thoughts and words into and they don't return void - you read them and respond and we interact in such a beautiful way. i am so very thankful for you. even those 'lurking' - actually, especially you today - i think about you often. wonder what it is that brings you back here. i pray for you too. hoping that something i say will be a key to a lock that opens something beautiful for you. something life giving and full of hope. for you i am grateful. you bring me back here to write.

my friends - you know who you are - you've changed my life and given me keys to unlock doors in my own heart that have been rusted shut for years. you inspire me, challenge me, kick my butt and keep me going. you show me jesus in ways i never knew possible. for you i am eternally grateful.

my husband - your faithfulness and love, patience with my struggles and my growth. better and worse - we have and will walk this path together. i am grateful for you liam. thank you for your constancy and joy. your stability and solidity. i love you and am so thankful for these past 20 years.

my children - oh how i missed you while i was away! you bring so much fullness to my life - your humor, presence and personalities are so rich. it has been a joy to watch you grow into the individuals you each are - thank you for being the YOU god made you to be.

i pray today is a thankful day for you too. happy thanksgiving!

back to blogging (sort of...)

where to start? i missed you all and also missed being able to put my fingers and thoughts into words here. i got to check emails 2 times for about 5 minutes just to make sure there weren't any urgent items needing my attention - but other than that i had NO access to the internet.

how can so much happen in 8 days? it feels like a lifetime. traveling 'non-rev' (on a buddy pass) is great for the pocket book, but it's not free by any means. our 5 1/2 hour trip turned into a 19 hour trial that could have been it's own version of 'planes, trains and automobiles' - although ours would have been called 'airports, food poisoning and lost luggage'...

it was horrible. i ate something in the philly airport that came back to haunt me on our 're-route' from charlotte to cincy... yes, on the plane. you think those bathrooms are too small to toilet in? try barfing - 6 times... it was horrible. the only thing worse was that the vomiting was so violent that i peed my pants (yes the ones i had to wear the next day because our luggage didn't arrive until 11:00 p.m. the next night)... i told liam that if we didn't love YS and the NYWC so much it would have put me out cold for ever returning.

so for those keeping track it was
-one case of food poisoning
-two pieces of lost luggage
-three bumped flights
-four airports
-five states (and one province)
-six episodes of barfing
and a partridge in a pear tree....

the way home yesterday was much smoother, although our bags didn't make it on the flight with us and we had to stay in the city until the next flight came in. we were very thankful they made it on that flight as i would have had to drive back today (2 hours each way) to pick them up.

i feel for those of you traveling for the holiday weekend (or who travel for a living). it has quenched my desire for the jet set lifestyle. i would much rather be home with my family living a quiet centered life any day.

now i just have to get ready for speaking at the women's retreat this weekend... whew.

hope you all had a great week, i can't wait to catch up on your blogs. missed you too!

the singing bowl

hope commented on the family altar post and asked about the bowl in the picture above. it is a 'singing bowl' from nepal. liam brought it back with him when he was there a couple of years ago. it is made to ring like a bell when struck, or can be 'played' by ringing the lip of the bowl with the wooden puja (stick).

it plays different roles on the altar, the first being to remind me that we have much to learn from other cultures about centering and prayer. i think much has been lost to the church in healthy forms of silence and meditation. also, as a woman raised in farmland, white-bread, middle america i constantly want to remind myself that the world is far bigger than my own experience and i have much to learn from other cultures and peoples.

i also use it to break the silence after prayer. i am finding much life in engaging all of my senses in worship and this allows me to hear my prayers in a way i had not experienced before.

another important part of our altar is that all of the elements are represented. sometimes the bowl holds water and floats a blossom. right now it is holding ashes from a guided practice of writing down a fear and burning it. it was during the late winter when jobs were no where to be found and we were feeling the pull of 'what have we done moving here!'. those ashes are the ones used in the utmost desperation felt in the pain of that season and i angrily smeared them on my face, rending my shirt and crying out to god, begging to not be forgotten. they are a reminder that we weren't. (wow that took me back to that time instantly and the depth of emotion is seen trickling down my face even now.)



when the water is not there we have the fish liam drew on the rock while at dawsonwood cottage in the hospitable care of connie's husband rob while we healed from another dry season.

as i stated in the previous post, each item here is a sacred reminder to me of our path, where we came from and where we are headed. so, while a bit cluttered and un-simple it is all so treasured and vital for now.

safe, sound and settling in

well they're here and it's so good to see them. i didn't realize how much i missed my dad. my aunt and i have been having such wonderful talks and comiserating about women in the church. she attends an lutheran church with a female pastor and just loves it. she's so supportive of me and my desire for ministry - it's so nice to have her on my 'side'.

we've spent today measuring my living room windows and cutting the fabric for the drapes. i had put it off until she got here because i have no confidence in my own abilities to manage such a big job. and while my fabric only cost $1/yard i still really like it (and it's a lot of fabric) and i was so afraid i'd screw something up and waste all of it. nice to have her experienced hands and mind here.

both my aunt and father have voiced how much our apartment feels so cozy, homey and warm. my aunt called it a great big hug. my in-laws felt the same when they were here - so i guess we have created a nice little nest here. it's wonderful for me to have that validated as it's been what i've spent so much of my time on since we moved in. i know we love it here - but it's so nice to hear it from others. my dad told me today he liked this space even more than our home in pennsylvania. yay! getting compliments from him can be few and far between sometimes.

i spoke with hope last week about wanting my father to tell me he was proud of me while he was here. somehow that is something that i have longed for forever. his validation means so much to me. hope reminded me that people tell us those things with different words sometimes - she encouraged me to listen carefully to what he did say instead of hoping for 'magic words' that would make it all better. i love that perspective, it's so much more graceful and removes the expectations i can build up for myself, and him - and allows us both to just enjoy our time together more fully.

pray all is well in your world!