i hope you dance

one of my fb friends put this in his update today - and i watched, thought of pink and got all misty.

i hope you dance too...

it's about time

via mcclatchy's

anne lamott

i was looking for video of anne lamott on stephen colbert last night and am blocked because i'm viewing in canada - so for anyone interested you can go to comedycentral.com to enjoy what i am unable to view. i found this though and thought maybe other's who love anne might enjoy it (it's nearly an hour long):

justice in the burbs

how can you love two people so much when you've never met face to face before? i don't know, but two of my most favorite people in the blogosphere, who also happen to love each other so much and HAVE met face to face are will and lisa samson. i am pleased as punch to hear of their new endeavor together and want to highlight it here on my blog.

most of you if you've been reading my blog for some time already know of will and lisa, but just in case you don't their blogs alone are reason enough to get to know them, let alone their writing. they are living out the kingdom in Lexington, Kentucky and have put so much of what they have learned and who they are into the pages of this work. i have yet to lay my little fingers on it - but can't wait to begin to plumb it's depths.

it is a practical guide to kingdom living for those of us who can't drop everything and join that commune we've always dreamed of. mother theresa said it best: “We can do no great things; only small things with great love.”

here's what lisa and will have to say about in their own words:



here's what others have to say:

"Will and Lisa have joined talents to offer a compelling argument for living justly in an unjust world, and for loving our neighbors in a hands-on, life-changing way." LIZ CURTIS HIGGS, author, Bad Girls of the Bible.

"Whatever happened to the vital social and moral energies of the Christian faith? They are alive and throbbin in this book that shows how the gospel can walk the missing sidewalks and unfriendly cul-de-sacs of the suburbs." LEONARD SWEET, Drew Theological School, George Fox University.

"Will and Lisa are provocateurs of imagination, writing for a desert where folks are thristy for more than the American dream. This is a much-needed invitation for justice to flow throught the suburbs liek mighty waters and bring to life all the parched souls trapped in the ghettos of poverty and wealth." SHANE CLAIBORNE, activist, author, The Irresistible Revolution: Living as an Ordinary Radical.

"Will and Lisa Samson's new book, Justice in the Burbs, is a moving book. I wept with joy, knowing how many people will be moved to join the work for justice God has already begun in the world." CHRISTIAN SCHAREN, author, One Step Closer: Why U2 Matters to Those Seeking God.

follow the Justice in the Burbs blog for yourself here.

buy your own copy of Justice in the Burbs here on Amazon

congratulations will & lisa - i am just so excited and proud of this amazing product. i can't wait to see what it releases into the kingdom!

who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree?

listening to the Hairspray soundtrack with my pink and can't wait until the movie finally makes it to our local theater. if it doesn't come on friday we'll drive to the "city" and see it this weekend.

there is something deep that moves in me with this movie theme - big girl makes bigger - no one ever told me i could. in fact they told me i couldn't... i posted a picture on my facebook this week of me in my freshman year playing first base softball - i thought i was so fat back then - not a stitch of fat on me - what went wrong?

this line from 'big blonde and beautiful' made me laugh out loud - who wants a twig when you can have the whole tree! ha! can't wait to share this with her.

too busy cleaning to blog

i'm ridding the house of all virus/cold/infestation germs today - loads and loads of laundry and bleaching everything in sight.

i leave you with my absolutely favorite slice of british comedy - mitchell and webb - this is the one "fit to link to" here on my blog - but if you are brave and have a strong stomach for edgy humor search you tube for "mitchell webb green clarinet" - their scooby doo sketch is also really funny too!

my hero on my favorite show

my hero on my favorite show - 'the hour' is one of the most thought provoking, interesting hours on television - be sad you don't have access to the cbc - but enjoy george stroumboulopoulos (say that 10x fast!) on you tube if you get a chance. he asks intriguing questions and takes interviews in really intense directions. people feel safe with him and they open up - this interview is over 9 minutes - but worth watching the whole piece.

i kept checking back to see if they had loaded this clip yet, but just saw it on the church of the exiles blog - thanks jordon!

another world is possible

Vol. III Rooftop Introduction

Add to My Profile | More Videos

shane claiborne's myspace

spiderman 3 - the greatest battle lies within

the first trailer for the new spiderman movie is out and sap that i am, it made me cry. i was doing some research for a trip that pink wants to go on with her class as they've discussed seeing this movie at the IMAX on their trip and i wanted to know if it was appropriate for 5th (almost 6th! graders).

from what i have seen so far, it is beautiful. revenge, forgiveness and finding the strength to ask for help. what a story of recovery.

you can see trailer one here:

spiderman 3

wonderful belly laugh

watch this!



via neatorama

freedback: you tube

dear google/you tube,

as times people of the year i congratulate you - now please, do something for your viewers. using your site is customer unfriendly and can be irritating. when you know something exists it's wonderful - but when you are just browsing it is impossible to weed the dross from the gold.

the opening page of youtube.com should not be unrated videos. if someone wants to see the disgusting video of sadaam hussein being hanged they will know how to find it - i should not be subjected to it if i do not want to see it.

your front page shouldn't have striptease podcasts and items that have not had the time online to be flagged as inappropriate. i am not asking you to remove these - just separate them from those of us who don't want to be exposed to that kind of crap.

it would also be amazing if the viewers could readily access the really funny, interesting or highly rated videos without having to weed through the losers.

allowing someone who uploads their video to 'rate' it g, pg, r or x would let those of us who don't want to watch nudity or violence avoid it. this isn't censorship by you, just the producer of the video participating in the ratings by choice. it wouldn't be hard and fast, but it would allow those of us who don't want exposed to trash to easily distinguish it.

anyway - great product, just need to tweak it's delivery.

your voice is powerful and strong

"...your voice is powerful and strong..."

those were the words i received in an email last night from the director of the documentary project i participated in before we moved here. it is almost finished and my story has made the cut. i am exhilarated. i couldn't be happier at the idea that somehow my 'small' story might reach and help others in a far wider spectrum than i ever imagined. it's amazing to me to realize that it's going to be coming 'out of my mouth' and not my fingers. does that make sense?

film is a far different medium than blogs - the legs on this are so strong and far reaching. i truly am amazed that this has all happened.

my story will be along side of those who endured 9-11, hurricanes and global tragedies. it hardly seems possible. i honestly figured that the director, kind and sincere as she is, was just humoring me, using my story as filler just in case the other "real stories" didn't pan out. to find out last night that mine did has filled me with extraordinary emotions i am quite unfamiliar with.

i will be blogging on this in the future from my 'named blog' as i now cannot escape that my story, my face, and my name are going to become 'public knowledge'. it might be too easy to link "me" with "me" otherwise. it won't be the end of the world if that happens, it just might be easier if it doesn't. i just wanted you to know as you were all so supportive before, during and after the filming process.

your voice is powerful and strong... ironic isn't it?

redemption is a beautiful thing.

more than meets the eye..

definitely not your children's cartoon...

transformers in theaters july

mad tv pig potty blooper

i don't like the mean rosie jokes, but this blooper from mad tv last night is very funny. CAUTION - not for the faint at heart:

Mad TV Pig Potty Blooper

merry christmas from sufjan!

don't forget to call your grandma!!

akeela and the bee

watched this video last night with our kids and was so moved.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Marianne Williamson in Return to Love: Reflections on a Course in Miracles

not ready to make nice

i woke up to an email from anj this morning. she had a link to the dixie chicks new video called 'not ready to make nice'. it's one of the most moving images i've ever seen. please be prepared, if you have had any abuse in your life it will raise up deep emotions within you. the ink stains are the deepest metaphor i've seen for the damage predators do to our lives.

but it's not all desperate - it's empowering and liberating too. here's the lyrics to the song:

Not Ready to Make Nice, Dixie Chicks

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

I’m through with doubt
There’s nothing left for me to figure out
I’ve paid a price
And I’ll keep paying

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I know you said
Can’t you just get over it
It turned my whole world around
And I kind of like it
I made my bed and I sleep like a baby
With no regrets and I don’t mind sayin’
It’s a sad sad story when a mother will teach her
Daughter that she ought to hate a perfect stranger
And how in the world can the words that I said
Send somebody so over the edge
That they’d write me a letter
Sayin’ that I better shut up and sing
Or my life will be over

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

I’m not ready to make nice
I’m not ready to back down
I’m still mad as hell and
I don’t have time to go round and round and round
It’s too late to make it right
I probably wouldn’t if I could
‘Cause I’m mad as hell
Can’t bring myself to do what it is you think I should

Forgive, sounds good
Forget, I’m not sure I could
They say time heals everything
But I’m still waiting

Natalie Maines

Dixie Chicks new album releases May 23, 2006

you can find the video here:
dixie chicks

press release for their new album 'taking the long way' here

and what a time it was

a time it was
and what a time it was
a time of innocence
a time of confidences
long ago i had a photograph
preserve your memories
they're all that's left you

simon & garfunkle

i listened to this album ad infinitum as a teenager and these words always took me to a space of safety, a place of imagination, a place of beauty. these were the words that came to mind this morning as i pondered yesterday and all that happened.

yesterday will be a day marked in my memory of all that song pictures. it seems like a dream, like something other-worldly. so very different from my every day life. it was a gift, wrapped in a beautiful, big bow and handed to me in such a clear way that said, 'okay, it's time to own your story, right here, right now, this is for you.'

it was beautiful and redemptive and full of life and being present, emotion and hope. it was closure in it's perfect, redemptive sense. it was as if god had said 'i know you've been watching for redemption, i know you have longed to tell your story. i know you have been thwarted many times, today is the day of redemption.'

it started with a trip to my hairdresser. she is one of my favorite people in the world, she makes me seem like an total introvert, she is bubbly, effervescence and she hears me and pampers me. because of our trip to canada i had to cancel my regular 4 week appointment - it had been 2 months and my hair was out of shape and the change was dramatic. i felt confident and beautiful. i had on a new pair of jeans and a new top that god had left at goodwill just for me - they fit perfectly and followed 'the rules' and were very flattering. i was tempted to do the dress and heels thing, but i remembered that today was about me - just me - the inner part of me, and if i wasn't comfortable and confident it wouldn't be me on the screen, but some version of me i create to please someone else.

i went to the cafe where we planned to meet, they weren't there yet, and one of our students was working there. so we chatted and she went on about how pretty my hair looked, and i got a chance to tell her i was meeting my german film-makers who were coming from h-wood to meet with me (that was kind of fun). i got my double shot and turned around to find them there.

they were so euro i knew it had to be them, comfortably chic and obviously not from around our little 'county'. we sat at a table outside the cafe and talked about the locations they had scouted. they hadn't found anything they thought sounded like 'me' and asked if there was another place that was special to me. i told them of one of the old churches in the town that i had stumbled upon and asked to use their sanctuary for a day alone with god. it was a place of safety and healing. i knew if it worked out i would feel very comfortable there.

they asked to see it - and i prayed silently that they would allow us (total strangers) to use their facility to film me for the voice overs. they did and i still can't believe that feeling my heart had when she said 'action'. it made me smile deep inside as i walked up to the church doors knowing they were filming my 'backside' and being okay with that.

from there we went to the park to do the interview. a shady park bench along the river where i was given free rein to tell my story. this was being filmed by a wonderful german man in high definition, and it was amazing how they evaporated into the background and i felt as if i was truly talking with a friend. i felt so safe, so right, so free to tell my story.

i spoke of redemption and god not wasting anything if we allow it to be used. i spoke of the deep desire i had in joining the project to push myself out of my small controlled box and allow something i had written or created to be used, or abused by others. how i was prepared to let what i had contributed fly out into the world, but i was not prepared to have the control taken from me even before i participated. how that blind-sided me to have a person who knows nothing of me, other than my name and address so able to injure me with graphic images and hurtful words. how it raked up all of the mess i had just come through in recovering the memories of the rape and dealing with a life-time of self-loathing and ugly body images.

the film-maker asked me questions from off camera, knowing she would edit her voice out of the film and use my answers to build my story. it was such a joy to watch her creative process. to be so close to this artist as she built her vision around me. to glimpse the bigger picture that i was becoming a part of. it was why i originally wanted to participate in the journals project. to be a part of something grander and larger, and global - far removed from my dinky little town, and my dinky little life.

during a break she told me that she was the one who would be doing all of the editing and she had complete creative control. she respected my story and would not make this a painful process. she envisioned the extras features on the dvd being used to more fully flesh out our stories. the portion she puts into the film might be small, but the other parts might be used to tell 'my story' as a featurette at the end.

it was then i realized that this was larger than me. that god was going to use some small part of this to encourage others not to feel alone, not to feel like the only ones who are voiceless and wounded.

we ended with the images that were so hurtful. she had printed them off of the internet. i hadn't remembered how horrible they were. one of the pages he did was of his face - and it looked like one from a nightmare - close-up, blue and glowing - like he had photocopied himself. she asked me to speak of them. to talk of the emotions they stirred within me. it was the only time i cried (she teared up quite a few times while i was telling my story). then she asked me what i would have done if i had gotten the journal (it was either destroyed by the women who had it before me in the queue or 'lost in the mail' - i suspect the images injured her too and she destroyed the journal).

i told her of the power a book binding has to me - how holding that in my hand somehow makes it real. that is why i withdrew from the project, i didn't want to hold them in my hand. i said that i would have removed, shredded and burned them. she gave me permission to rip those pages up, and i threw them to the wind.

afterward i joked about how anti-litter i was and so we collected them and made a little pile and burned them right there in the park. sitting in the smoke of those pages it was clear, as i smelled the burnt paper - this is over. it no longer has any power over you.

the best part was right after i shredded the images 3 different types of butterflies flew by. i have used this metaphor since before this whole process started 5 years ago. i had read 'when the heart waits' by sue monk kidd and i was fed deeply by her image of the metamorphosis of the process of rebirth. seeing those butterflies honored that part of my story so beautifully, it was like ruach elohim had blown those winged friends my way to remind me that something here was being born anew.

it was four hours, intense hours, glorious hours that truly changed my life. i will remember them forever.

coming to a theatre near you july 2005

july 2005!

charlie and the chocolate factory trailer

my hero

frodo and the ring

amy from amy loves books has asked for LOTR help as she is not a fan, and an assignment on heroes leaves her needing to brush up on all things hobbit.

i on the other hand am a fan. my copies of the books are in sad shape from their many readings, and my glee was made full at the release of the trilogy on film (and especially on dvd!).

that little hobbit frodo is my hero, he gives me hope, he brings balance and joy to my soul because when faced with the temptation to become gollum he still chose to throw the ring into the fire.

you see i daily face those choices. do i covet my precious, give in to my obsessions, feed that instant need for gratification or do i, like frodo make the choice to crawl to the edge of the fire and release them from my hand?

the way the movie(s) played this out in technicolor was so vivid to me - to watch frodo's eyes widen as they faced the darkness, more gollum-like with every step showed me in wide screen splendor how the fondling of the ring in my own life takes me farther away from the innocence of the shire.

each time frodo gives into temptation life becomes more difficult. he thinks it will be easier, the invisibility of the ring screams safety to him, but the true nature of the ring (addictions) are shown as the wraiths know instantly his location and weaknesses. each time i choose to participate in the numbing effect of my addictions my demons become more real, more intense and more terrifying.

director peter jackson somehow knows about addiction and the slippery slope that comes from giving into them. the picture i chose above is taken from the time frodo is in the pub and is terrified after his first brush with the ring wraiths. his bumbling friends expose him and he thinks there is no alternative but to hide. he drops the ring and it falls onto his finger, innocently. he is invisible. he thinks he is safe. he feels the numbness that comes from this choice. it is good. it makes his fear less noticeable. it becomes the power that controls him every time he is face to face with his emotions.

two other men in the story know the power of the ring. bilbo baggins and smeagol. in the films each are fleshed out into the full effect the ring has played in their lives. bilbo reluctantly leaves the ring with gandalf, he is sad, but knows that he is no longer able to participate in it's temptation. when the ring reappears in his life later he is instantly transformed into the hideousness of craving and lust. it's momentary, and his shame is great. but he is able to walk away.

smeagol is the underlying current of addiction that permeates the whole of the tolkein stories. from the hobbit through to the end of the trilogy we see the full effect that the ring has on this man. his divided soul is shown so tragically in full screen effect as he argues and fights with himself along the road to recover his precious. we watch as this transformation from man to creature spreads across the screen and gives us the ugliest depiction of slavery to desire.

so frodo stands straddled between the shire and mordor. knowing that with the ring still in existence he cannot have one without the other. he will never have home and health again unless he walks that horrible road to rid himself and the world of the ring.

he is wise enough not to go it alone. gollum, for all of his selfish desires is still a guide along that road. and he has friends, many begin the path with him but in the end it is only with the strength, support and devotion of samwise gamgee at his side that he is able to confront each and every temptation and finally rid middle earth of the horror of the ring.

i wish that sam could be my hero, that innocent, deep hearted wonderful friend. but i don't know what it is like to be sam. sam is not influenced by the ring. he cannot understand the depth of desire within frodo, it confuses and angers him. sam is untouched.

frodo is my hero because he is able to face it all and succeeds. i wish there were a mordor to dump my addictions in. i wish there was a place where i could travel, even with threat of orcs and spiders, that i could rid my world of addiction. yet daily i must relinquish that ring. that deep desire to meet my own needs apart from god. daily i must face this quest, this road, these choices. he did it. he made it. he was victorious. frodo is my hero.