woo hoo!
jen's published!
Friday, November 12, 2004
comment problems??
i have gotten two amazing emails from great guys encouraging me and also telling me that they are having problems with my comments (thanks guys!)...
i love my comments because that is where community happens in the blog world and i'm at a loss. is anyone else using haloscan experiencing this problem??
could it be firefox?? or a different browser not allowing windows to open?? any help (and this is frustrating because if you are having problems commenting that means it will probably have to be an email) or trouble shooting suggestions would really be appreciated.
you can email me at emergingsideways AT gmail.com, thanks!
i love my comments because that is where community happens in the blog world and i'm at a loss. is anyone else using haloscan experiencing this problem??
could it be firefox?? or a different browser not allowing windows to open?? any help (and this is frustrating because if you are having problems commenting that means it will probably have to be an email) or trouble shooting suggestions would really be appreciated.
you can email me at emergingsideways AT gmail.com, thanks!
how do i get to 2007 when i can't even get through the weekend?
one of my favorite things about this past week was the vision statement. after we all birthed our mission statements we envisioned where we'd be in 3 years and put our dream on paper so we were able to have a destination for our mission. i have the gift of seeing what others do not see.
i have vision. this was a wonderful step for me. i enjoyed it freely and gave voice to every hope and dream i held for myself and for my family. and i dreamed really big. as i awoke at 3:00 this morning i began to fret about all of the things that had to happen, all the things on our list, and i realized that i was not going to get the time to put my action statement (how you get from your mission to your vision) together within the week's deadline.
this is where the rubber hits the road for me. we have a friend who told us long ago that we'd have to have 12 kids to accomplish all of the ideas that liam and i had for god. we have been dreamers, not do-ers. i long to be a do-er - but it's so much work. yuck. there i said it - i am lazy, so damn lazy. if i don't have a deadline breathing down my neck it doesn't get done. how do so many people become so industrious? how can i harness all of this vision and actually turn it into something tangible, something that really helps people.
it's like our house has this vortex, where once you enter you're (i'm) just so content to be here i don't need to leave... or do... or challenge myself. i was so ready to conquer all of this when i was away from home, but now that i'm home and things have begun again here i wish my vision statement said something like 'survive until november 2007'. that looks far more do-able than the monsterous list i've given myself.
i realized that since i was awake i needed to take this time doing instead of fretting. if i have learned anything from the angel in the red blazer, fretting wastes my time and energy. i want this vision more than i've ever wanted anything in my life (except to be able to have my babies). but i am truly overwhelmed, i don't like to do anything that i might fail at, and this list - this action statement i need to do is so concrete, so real, and even measurable that i am frozen.
can fire be frozen?? inside joke... sorry.
oh triune god, help. i think we both want the things in my vision statement to come to pass. if that is so, help me. help me to become unstuck, unfrozen. blow wind on the embers of these coals within me and fan the flames, i feel as if i am in danger of loosing all that i've accomplished and envisioned. i don't want to go backwards. please god. give me the courage to continue. and everything else i don't even know how to ask for. amen.
i have vision. this was a wonderful step for me. i enjoyed it freely and gave voice to every hope and dream i held for myself and for my family. and i dreamed really big. as i awoke at 3:00 this morning i began to fret about all of the things that had to happen, all the things on our list, and i realized that i was not going to get the time to put my action statement (how you get from your mission to your vision) together within the week's deadline.
this is where the rubber hits the road for me. we have a friend who told us long ago that we'd have to have 12 kids to accomplish all of the ideas that liam and i had for god. we have been dreamers, not do-ers. i long to be a do-er - but it's so much work. yuck. there i said it - i am lazy, so damn lazy. if i don't have a deadline breathing down my neck it doesn't get done. how do so many people become so industrious? how can i harness all of this vision and actually turn it into something tangible, something that really helps people.
it's like our house has this vortex, where once you enter you're (i'm) just so content to be here i don't need to leave... or do... or challenge myself. i was so ready to conquer all of this when i was away from home, but now that i'm home and things have begun again here i wish my vision statement said something like 'survive until november 2007'. that looks far more do-able than the monsterous list i've given myself.
i realized that since i was awake i needed to take this time doing instead of fretting. if i have learned anything from the angel in the red blazer, fretting wastes my time and energy. i want this vision more than i've ever wanted anything in my life (except to be able to have my babies). but i am truly overwhelmed, i don't like to do anything that i might fail at, and this list - this action statement i need to do is so concrete, so real, and even measurable that i am frozen.
can fire be frozen?? inside joke... sorry.
oh triune god, help. i think we both want the things in my vision statement to come to pass. if that is so, help me. help me to become unstuck, unfrozen. blow wind on the embers of these coals within me and fan the flames, i feel as if i am in danger of loosing all that i've accomplished and envisioned. i don't want to go backwards. please god. give me the courage to continue. and everything else i don't even know how to ask for. amen.
Thursday, November 11, 2004
angel in a red blazer
i mentioned in my last post that i was pretty stressed that getting to the airport 'on time' was out of my control. i was pretty drained emotionally by that time in the trip and afraid that i'd be reduced to a puddle of tears if anything kept me from returning to my family on time.
i was raised by a mother who would complain to me 'do you know how long i've been out here waiting for you? 30 minutes!!!' well, that meant because i was 15 minutes late, and she was 15 minutes early... time is stressful for me because of that constant shame and stress.
so when the airport says 'check in 2 hours before your flight' i believe them, and am there 2 hours and 15 minutes early! :) not possible on monday. the earliest bus to seatac was 6:00 a.m. - arriving at 11:00 a.m. - for a 12:20 flight...
plus a customs/immigration stop in the middle, for which i had mistakenly left home without my birth certificate. i worried i was going to get that border guard with 1 day left before retirement who just wanted to make everyones life a little more difficult. all my worrying was in vain as he kindly asked 'where were you born' - i responded 'wisconsin' and he didn't need to see any paperwork other than my declaration form. whew... one down... one to go.
the northwest lines were really bad. and i had prayed before we arrived at the airport that what was supposed to happen was going to happen. i also told god that any money that i'd have to pay for a missed flight would be plucked out of the kingdom, just in case he needed that reminder... (ugh, yes, i really did that...)
well, i am snaking through the line watching a little (and i mean little) neo-nazi, military man have an absolute fit that he can't leave the locks on his duffle bag. it was the first reminder of the 'real world' i had after leaving the retreat. as i was standing and watching his really negative energy spin in line his polar opposite in a red blazer walks to the line up and stands directly in front of me.
she asks the crowd 'is anyone on flight 170 to minneapolis?' i look around at the group, and am the only one raising my hand. she says 'well honey, come right with me, we'll get you all checked in... is this your only bag... here, let me get your boarding pass for you...' honest. i've never seen anything like it. i jumped infront of at least 20 people, none of which i bothered to even acknowledge in my state of shock.
i arrived at my gate as they were boarding (and i even beat mr. bad energy through security! i was sure he was going to snap and shut the airport down). it was a complete reminder to me that my energy wasted in fretting could have been used in much more positive ways. anyway - it was too cool not to remember, so i've done that here.
i was raised by a mother who would complain to me 'do you know how long i've been out here waiting for you? 30 minutes!!!' well, that meant because i was 15 minutes late, and she was 15 minutes early... time is stressful for me because of that constant shame and stress.
so when the airport says 'check in 2 hours before your flight' i believe them, and am there 2 hours and 15 minutes early! :) not possible on monday. the earliest bus to seatac was 6:00 a.m. - arriving at 11:00 a.m. - for a 12:20 flight...
plus a customs/immigration stop in the middle, for which i had mistakenly left home without my birth certificate. i worried i was going to get that border guard with 1 day left before retirement who just wanted to make everyones life a little more difficult. all my worrying was in vain as he kindly asked 'where were you born' - i responded 'wisconsin' and he didn't need to see any paperwork other than my declaration form. whew... one down... one to go.
the northwest lines were really bad. and i had prayed before we arrived at the airport that what was supposed to happen was going to happen. i also told god that any money that i'd have to pay for a missed flight would be plucked out of the kingdom, just in case he needed that reminder... (ugh, yes, i really did that...)
well, i am snaking through the line watching a little (and i mean little) neo-nazi, military man have an absolute fit that he can't leave the locks on his duffle bag. it was the first reminder of the 'real world' i had after leaving the retreat. as i was standing and watching his really negative energy spin in line his polar opposite in a red blazer walks to the line up and stands directly in front of me.
she asks the crowd 'is anyone on flight 170 to minneapolis?' i look around at the group, and am the only one raising my hand. she says 'well honey, come right with me, we'll get you all checked in... is this your only bag... here, let me get your boarding pass for you...' honest. i've never seen anything like it. i jumped infront of at least 20 people, none of which i bothered to even acknowledge in my state of shock.
i arrived at my gate as they were boarding (and i even beat mr. bad energy through security! i was sure he was going to snap and shut the airport down). it was a complete reminder to me that my energy wasted in fretting could have been used in much more positive ways. anyway - it was too cool not to remember, so i've done that here.
no rest for the weary
well i've jumped in the stream that is our family schedule and it's leaving little time to ponder, contemplate and even breathe.
i know that time will come, and all of the things i am participating in right now are lovely and family time, but i so long to just have a good hour to write without interuption. that will not happen this morning.
so i thought i'd just recognize the accessories in my suitcase that don't take a lot of 'unpacking', neat connections and things god did for and around me that don't need contemplation and quiet to unpack. (this is not a complete list, nor does it mean that they don't have deeper meaning that has gone deep within me, just that they are easily written about right now). i just have time while the dishwasher is running before i can take my shower! :)
-seeing a woman walking through the airport past me a couple of times and seeing her feminine confidence (and those gorgeous tights) and thinking 'man i could never pull that off, she's so confident', and then finding out she was MY ANJ!
-meeting deb and jeff and seeing deb try to wrench that humongeous suitcase off the conveyor belt as it almost wisked her away.
-the breathtaking beauty and warmth of walking into linwood house so weary and worn from the long travels and being received with grace and hospitality so unlike anything i've ever known before.
-individual teapots at the restaurant that all were unique and works of art unto themselves. the care and the individuality of those teapots spoke of each woman's uniqueness and beauty to me. (i had espresso! in a unique little cup).
-touring town with lisa and finding the art studio and being surrounded and inspired by the beauty and creativity of that place in time. and then driving along the ocean and dreaming big dreams and sharing great stories.
-resting in my own room, in luxiorious linens, pressed just for me by my friend stephanie and prepared with love. i slept so deeply and restored my ability to be present each day, instead of clouded and exhausted as i feared i might have been.
-lunch in the 'parlor', feeling the thin space there as god interwove stories of infertility, pregnancies, adoption and pain together into a melding of hearts and hope.
-getting to observe stephanie dance around her kitchen as she prepared each luxurious dish for us to enjoy and renourish our bodies as our souls danced along.
-finding the hand of a mother in the dark.
-embracing my elemental nature and proclaiming it to the room.
-watching as the plastic falls off around a most beautiful woman as she embraces her call and rests in the awakening grace around her.
-feeling the butterfly flap it's wings.
-seeing a beautiful china doll, once discarded be embraced and nurtured with a mother's love.
-receiving gifts along the way, giving flight to my feet and a touchstone to my soul.
-needlessly fearing the border (as i had forgotten my birth certificate, for which i berated myself for mercilessly all week) and stressing over the arrival time of the bus to the airport where god sent an angel dressed as a northwest ticket agent who plucked me out of the long line of travellers as i bypassed them all like royalty. it was unlike anything i had ever experienced. (i'll give more details later).
i must go now as the dishwasher is done. happy day!
i know that time will come, and all of the things i am participating in right now are lovely and family time, but i so long to just have a good hour to write without interuption. that will not happen this morning.
so i thought i'd just recognize the accessories in my suitcase that don't take a lot of 'unpacking', neat connections and things god did for and around me that don't need contemplation and quiet to unpack. (this is not a complete list, nor does it mean that they don't have deeper meaning that has gone deep within me, just that they are easily written about right now). i just have time while the dishwasher is running before i can take my shower! :)
-seeing a woman walking through the airport past me a couple of times and seeing her feminine confidence (and those gorgeous tights) and thinking 'man i could never pull that off, she's so confident', and then finding out she was MY ANJ!
-meeting deb and jeff and seeing deb try to wrench that humongeous suitcase off the conveyor belt as it almost wisked her away.
-the breathtaking beauty and warmth of walking into linwood house so weary and worn from the long travels and being received with grace and hospitality so unlike anything i've ever known before.
-individual teapots at the restaurant that all were unique and works of art unto themselves. the care and the individuality of those teapots spoke of each woman's uniqueness and beauty to me. (i had espresso! in a unique little cup).
-touring town with lisa and finding the art studio and being surrounded and inspired by the beauty and creativity of that place in time. and then driving along the ocean and dreaming big dreams and sharing great stories.
-resting in my own room, in luxiorious linens, pressed just for me by my friend stephanie and prepared with love. i slept so deeply and restored my ability to be present each day, instead of clouded and exhausted as i feared i might have been.
-lunch in the 'parlor', feeling the thin space there as god interwove stories of infertility, pregnancies, adoption and pain together into a melding of hearts and hope.
-getting to observe stephanie dance around her kitchen as she prepared each luxurious dish for us to enjoy and renourish our bodies as our souls danced along.
-finding the hand of a mother in the dark.
-embracing my elemental nature and proclaiming it to the room.
-watching as the plastic falls off around a most beautiful woman as she embraces her call and rests in the awakening grace around her.
-feeling the butterfly flap it's wings.
-seeing a beautiful china doll, once discarded be embraced and nurtured with a mother's love.
-receiving gifts along the way, giving flight to my feet and a touchstone to my soul.
-needlessly fearing the border (as i had forgotten my birth certificate, for which i berated myself for mercilessly all week) and stressing over the arrival time of the bus to the airport where god sent an angel dressed as a northwest ticket agent who plucked me out of the long line of travellers as i bypassed them all like royalty. it was unlike anything i had ever experienced. (i'll give more details later).
i must go now as the dishwasher is done. happy day!
Wednesday, November 10, 2004
unpacking
where do i start? this has been an extraordinary week in my life. a convergence of sorts. i must unpack it slowly.
it's also freaking me out a bit to have been so vulnerable and in such a community that is now spread across the world (literally). i was "me" for the first time in a long time (publically), not for the whole time there, but "i" came to visit more frequently than ever before and it's a strange place to be.
being present is sometimes a real struggle for me, either in my past or worrying about the future is regularly where i dwell, it is usually only when i write that i am able to face the screen and dwell in the now. this has been my only safe place (publically) that i've had since college, and that had it's own issues then. but now, i have been in the community of about 18 women (i can't remember how many exactly) who allowed "me" to be "me" and actually invited "me" to come to stay, and accepted "me" as i am, warts, intensity and all. the good, the bad and the ugly. whoa.
i must unpack slowly, so i don't miss anything. so i don't misinterpret or misuse. care must be taken, because everything is so very precious. i have experienced community on a cellular level and it is good. it is very good.
thank you to those who prayed for us, you have released 12 women into the kingdom to fulfill the call that god created each one for. i know now why i'm here. why it's important to be "me". why living authentically my life, and not someone else's matters. thank you also to those of you who made this possible, financially, logistically, administratively and practically. you all created a space for me that truly valued who i am as a person, but more importantly as a woman. redemption has begun, and will continue, and for that i can hardly put into words the deep level of my gratitude. and lastly thank you 12 for sharing your passions, fears, angst and truth with me. for trusting me, for accepting me and for challenging me to join into this community. i am at a loss for words, and you all know how difficult that truly is for me! :)
i love you all!
it's also freaking me out a bit to have been so vulnerable and in such a community that is now spread across the world (literally). i was "me" for the first time in a long time (publically), not for the whole time there, but "i" came to visit more frequently than ever before and it's a strange place to be.
being present is sometimes a real struggle for me, either in my past or worrying about the future is regularly where i dwell, it is usually only when i write that i am able to face the screen and dwell in the now. this has been my only safe place (publically) that i've had since college, and that had it's own issues then. but now, i have been in the community of about 18 women (i can't remember how many exactly) who allowed "me" to be "me" and actually invited "me" to come to stay, and accepted "me" as i am, warts, intensity and all. the good, the bad and the ugly. whoa.
i must unpack slowly, so i don't miss anything. so i don't misinterpret or misuse. care must be taken, because everything is so very precious. i have experienced community on a cellular level and it is good. it is very good.
thank you to those who prayed for us, you have released 12 women into the kingdom to fulfill the call that god created each one for. i know now why i'm here. why it's important to be "me". why living authentically my life, and not someone else's matters. thank you also to those of you who made this possible, financially, logistically, administratively and practically. you all created a space for me that truly valued who i am as a person, but more importantly as a woman. redemption has begun, and will continue, and for that i can hardly put into words the deep level of my gratitude. and lastly thank you 12 for sharing your passions, fears, angst and truth with me. for trusting me, for accepting me and for challenging me to join into this community. i am at a loss for words, and you all know how difficult that truly is for me! :)
i love you all!
Tuesday, November 09, 2004
Saturday, November 06, 2004
this is a thin space
i am writing on holy ground. never have i experienced such community, love, acceptance and hope.
i cannot even express anything near the wonder of this week.
much kingdom work is happening here. keep praying for us.
i'll share more when i return.
miss you all!
i cannot even express anything near the wonder of this week.
much kingdom work is happening here. keep praying for us.
i'll share more when i return.
miss you all!
Friday, November 05, 2004
emerging sideways...
emerging sideways...
Liam here, Bobbie is on an adventure with friends in Vancouver BC. I'm posting this here (and may get scolded for using this venue) to attract bobbie's attention. In the malestrom of activity leading up to her departure - she neglected to leave me a contact # and everyone who knows us seem to be picking "Buck and Pink's" bedtime as "THE" time to call. There little faces tell the whole story - the phone rings the beam with anticipation - only to dad say "oh hello ...friend we haven't talk to in weeks (or months) ...so glad you called, and I hate to put you off, but we're waiting for a call from bobbie..."
So help me test the blogosphere's reach...you all know who reads who. Let's see if we can get word t Bobbie via "Blog 'o gram" that all is well but we can't call her. (And that we MISS her and that I definitely consider the bed way too big without her)
Liam's thot for today: Heed where you feed. What you consume with your eyes, ears and mouth - is who you become.
L
Liam here, Bobbie is on an adventure with friends in Vancouver BC. I'm posting this here (and may get scolded for using this venue) to attract bobbie's attention. In the malestrom of activity leading up to her departure - she neglected to leave me a contact # and everyone who knows us seem to be picking "Buck and Pink's" bedtime as "THE" time to call. There little faces tell the whole story - the phone rings the beam with anticipation - only to dad say "oh hello ...friend we haven't talk to in weeks (or months) ...so glad you called, and I hate to put you off, but we're waiting for a call from bobbie..."
So help me test the blogosphere's reach...you all know who reads who. Let's see if we can get word t Bobbie via "Blog 'o gram" that all is well but we can't call her. (And that we MISS her and that I definitely consider the bed way too big without her)
Liam's thot for today: Heed where you feed. What you consume with your eyes, ears and mouth - is who you become.
L
Tuesday, November 02, 2004
i voted! how 'bout you?
well, i donned my 'seek justice' t-shirt and grabbed my 'reallivepreacher.com' book and walked the four blocks in 75 degree weather to my polling station reading to wait and wait.
i had missed the early rush, and beat the lunch rush, so i was in and out with all of my senior citizen, democratic neighbors. it gave me great joy to stand in that tiny little church basement with those adorable elderly voters and cast my vote for john kerry. it took all of 3 minutes, but i had a lovely walk, in probably the warmest weather i will experience for months.
packing is almost complete and i leave at 4:15 a.m. tomorrow to head to the airport. we would all appreciate your prayers, meeting 9 other bloggers and sharing this experience together is such a blessing, one i am just astonished to be experiencing! health, safety and luggage arriving with us would be really appreciated if you added them (us) to your prayer list!
have a wonderful week! i will miss you all!
i had missed the early rush, and beat the lunch rush, so i was in and out with all of my senior citizen, democratic neighbors. it gave me great joy to stand in that tiny little church basement with those adorable elderly voters and cast my vote for john kerry. it took all of 3 minutes, but i had a lovely walk, in probably the warmest weather i will experience for months.
packing is almost complete and i leave at 4:15 a.m. tomorrow to head to the airport. we would all appreciate your prayers, meeting 9 other bloggers and sharing this experience together is such a blessing, one i am just astonished to be experiencing! health, safety and luggage arriving with us would be really appreciated if you added them (us) to your prayer list!
have a wonderful week! i will miss you all!
healing the rift between us
as i left our church last night i was again overcome with a sick, deep feeling in the pit of my heart. how can such well meaning people be so completely unable to see how they are being manipulated in this campaign?
those there last night to 'pray the vote' all assumed they had god's will already figured out and had bought every word carl rove is selling. please don't misinterpret this as 'because they don't agree with me they are wrong'. that couldn't be further from the truth. what i am shocked with is how they can't even admit even one fear, concern or disappointment with gwb, his presidency or his campaign - not one. they have switched off their brains and are believing every ounce of the propoganda, and swallowing it like it's covered in chocolate sauce.
this scares me church. terrifies me actually. what kind of false teaching can creep in the door now because they've become so inhebriated by the power of this election? what division is caused by their complete inability to see these complex issues as such. the reductionism of this year's campaign sickens me, and yet they don't see it. not one little thing. i hear them spewing sound bytes like they've been programmed into their brains - and i want to knock that glazed look out of their eyes. what happens when 'next' (2008) says everything they want to hear again, but doesn't mean any of it. (i won't be so bold as to suggest that this year, but i'm suspicious of that too). they have sold the farm for power.
their rallies are tear driven, emotional amway conventions, they are truly worshipping our president, their adoration has crossed over into dangerous, dangerous places.
chris at radio rebellion has also introduced the thought that while we pray for god to heal our land we have no interest in any of the humbling necessary to get there. somehow we think that god is addressing those outside the faith with this - that 'those people' need to get their act together for god to bless our land. that couldn't be further from the truth. it is us. we are the ones who need to be on our knees humbling ourselves - not judging in arrogant disdain.
i don't know what happens today. i think america is strong enough to endure the next 4 years no matter what. but i'm not so sure the church is. how did we loose this seperation between church and state? where did it go? i want it back, and i want it now. we have lost our voice and had it replaced by clanging symbols lacking in love and compassion. we care more about special interest groups who care more about their pockets than their hearts. those interests aren't god's interests. there is no room for the poor, the disenfranchised or the different.
tom sine has written an article called 'america's culture wars: in search of a third way' - it is important. we need to understand that the 'religious right' is non-existent in other christian cultures around the world. i know that we americans feel superiority in ways that shun our ability to learn from others, but we must if we are ever going to heal what ails us. we must heal the great divide that this has caused if we are ever going to be effective in addressing those deep issues that touch the heart of god.
you can find that article here at the ooze.
those there last night to 'pray the vote' all assumed they had god's will already figured out and had bought every word carl rove is selling. please don't misinterpret this as 'because they don't agree with me they are wrong'. that couldn't be further from the truth. what i am shocked with is how they can't even admit even one fear, concern or disappointment with gwb, his presidency or his campaign - not one. they have switched off their brains and are believing every ounce of the propoganda, and swallowing it like it's covered in chocolate sauce.
this scares me church. terrifies me actually. what kind of false teaching can creep in the door now because they've become so inhebriated by the power of this election? what division is caused by their complete inability to see these complex issues as such. the reductionism of this year's campaign sickens me, and yet they don't see it. not one little thing. i hear them spewing sound bytes like they've been programmed into their brains - and i want to knock that glazed look out of their eyes. what happens when 'next' (2008) says everything they want to hear again, but doesn't mean any of it. (i won't be so bold as to suggest that this year, but i'm suspicious of that too). they have sold the farm for power.
their rallies are tear driven, emotional amway conventions, they are truly worshipping our president, their adoration has crossed over into dangerous, dangerous places.
chris at radio rebellion has also introduced the thought that while we pray for god to heal our land we have no interest in any of the humbling necessary to get there. somehow we think that god is addressing those outside the faith with this - that 'those people' need to get their act together for god to bless our land. that couldn't be further from the truth. it is us. we are the ones who need to be on our knees humbling ourselves - not judging in arrogant disdain.
i don't know what happens today. i think america is strong enough to endure the next 4 years no matter what. but i'm not so sure the church is. how did we loose this seperation between church and state? where did it go? i want it back, and i want it now. we have lost our voice and had it replaced by clanging symbols lacking in love and compassion. we care more about special interest groups who care more about their pockets than their hearts. those interests aren't god's interests. there is no room for the poor, the disenfranchised or the different.
tom sine has written an article called 'america's culture wars: in search of a third way' - it is important. we need to understand that the 'religious right' is non-existent in other christian cultures around the world. i know that we americans feel superiority in ways that shun our ability to learn from others, but we must if we are ever going to heal what ails us. we must heal the great divide that this has caused if we are ever going to be effective in addressing those deep issues that touch the heart of god.
you can find that article here at the ooze.
hoping for a free ipod - update
wanna get a free ipod?? i do, please help! :)
okay, i may be gullible, but i've heard of bloggers actually getting theirs, so i'm taking the chance.
i just had to sign up 5 friends (sorry if you were one of them...) and fulfill one of the items. i used 2 weeks free blockbuster dvd rental. we use netflix, thought i'd see what blockbuster was like. i just have to fulfill the two weeks without cancelling and entice 5 of you to do the same... wanna help??
help me and yourself to a new ::free ipod::
i just need a couple more - you know you want one too! :)
Monday, November 01, 2004
my 300th post!
well, how significant. i feel like i should honor this in some way, although i can't think of how.
i hate 'fall back' daylight savings time. it throws my internal clock off massively. i was finally starting to be able to sleep past 4:44 and somehow was making it to 5:45 - now i'm back to 4:44 again... how 'bout next year we move the clock forward 23 hours and re-live another day again? somehow that wouldn't seem as annoying to me.
i think it's just college students who enjoy day light savings time. an extra hour to party, and then sleep in. it's lost on this old feeble mind this morning. i'm wiped out and the day hasn't even started yet.
okay, post 300, and i'm in a fairly rotten mood - so how 'bout i count my blessings, maybe that will help.
-we have been given (free!) a 1987 volvo station wagon. be still my little swedish heart! there is no vehicle in this world that i could have wanted more! (now i am a liberal, volvo station wagon driving, soccer mom! - ha ha!)
-i got an nearly new, ice blue columbia sportswear winter coat for $20 and a pair of baby blue sorel boots for $15 at salvation army - jesus wants me to be warm this winter! :)
-we have had the most glorious fall, and even weather to enjoy it.
-i am heading on my first ever solo vacation in my life to meet many blogging friends! and i get to see a part of the country(s) i've always longed to see!
-although i'm not in it i have a warm, comfy bed with a sleepy giant of a husband resting peacefully upstairs who is strong, soft, capable, deep, interesting, a great cook, a wonderful partner and my best friend, who just happens to have the day off today. hurray!
-an incredible 8 1/2 year old daughter who has a wonderful free spirit and joy for life. she is so unlike me that everything is an exploration for us and she is growing into a lovely young lady who is spiritual, kind, tenderhearted, friendly, creative and bright. and she still thinks that her mom is someone she wants to spend time with, and for that i am blessed.
-my little pistol son who is 6 1/2 and so quick and bright, and funny, oh he has such a wonderful sense of humor. he still asks me to scratch his back and lets me cuddle him. he's respectful, passionate, feels things deeply and a joy to be around. he's so similar to my emotional make-up that it terrifies me sometimes, yet he is learning balance and discretion, and is learning delayed gratification. his one dimpled smile can take even the biggest drudgery and turn it into fun. he's going to do great things for god.
-my father is still with us, relatively healthy and relational. it's a blessing to have him close, even for the small times of connection that come between he and our family. when he chooses to eat with us and caresses my fingers while we hold hands in prayer, or squeezes them when my children pray and touch his heart. when he gets talkative and starts to tell me of his childhood, or military days and fills in blanks he doesn't even know exist. he's generous, helpful and hopeful and always wants to fix it and make it better even if i don't want him to. our children are learning that generations are necessary to build community and strength, and offer perspective and wisdom that comes with age. i don't know how long he's going to be with us, but i am grateful.
-our home is warm, safe and relatively clean and organized, and just filled with potential for fix up and improvements.
-our church is healthy and faces problems head on. it's not perfect, or very progressive, but my children are grounded and loved and cared for like we care for other's children. we have community and friends, and those relationship are deepening, and we have learned much in our time here.
-we have a plan for the future. we have begun to dream, to brainstorm, to engage and to plan. we have hope and direction and yet are open to any and all turns and twists that god may have for us. it is fluid and grace-filled, passionate and warm. it gives me something to look forward to and brings me much joy when i take it out of that box in my brain and hold it in open hands, offering it to god. it is good.
-i have a relationship with the triune god that i have never had before. while i have walked away from a safe and orderly faith, that sometimes looks so attractive when i sit amongst the questions, i realize that i am not going back, to go back is slavery and bondage. i have the spectrum between the black and white now, i have a god of shadow and light, where full color depth is far more interesting and rich than the 2-dimensional plastic jesus i used to worship. yes it's harder, scarier and sometimes more frustrating not to have all of the answers, but the intimate personalities of the triune god bring me closer into that constant contact and a fuller understanding of the global implications of faith in the context of all cultures, not just my own. it is truly a dangerous wonder.
i'm sure there are more, but those are the biggies, and i needed to remind myself of the biggies today. god is good, and i'm in a much better mood!
i hate 'fall back' daylight savings time. it throws my internal clock off massively. i was finally starting to be able to sleep past 4:44 and somehow was making it to 5:45 - now i'm back to 4:44 again... how 'bout next year we move the clock forward 23 hours and re-live another day again? somehow that wouldn't seem as annoying to me.
i think it's just college students who enjoy day light savings time. an extra hour to party, and then sleep in. it's lost on this old feeble mind this morning. i'm wiped out and the day hasn't even started yet.
okay, post 300, and i'm in a fairly rotten mood - so how 'bout i count my blessings, maybe that will help.
-we have been given (free!) a 1987 volvo station wagon. be still my little swedish heart! there is no vehicle in this world that i could have wanted more! (now i am a liberal, volvo station wagon driving, soccer mom! - ha ha!)
-i got an nearly new, ice blue columbia sportswear winter coat for $20 and a pair of baby blue sorel boots for $15 at salvation army - jesus wants me to be warm this winter! :)
-we have had the most glorious fall, and even weather to enjoy it.
-i am heading on my first ever solo vacation in my life to meet many blogging friends! and i get to see a part of the country(s) i've always longed to see!
-although i'm not in it i have a warm, comfy bed with a sleepy giant of a husband resting peacefully upstairs who is strong, soft, capable, deep, interesting, a great cook, a wonderful partner and my best friend, who just happens to have the day off today. hurray!
-an incredible 8 1/2 year old daughter who has a wonderful free spirit and joy for life. she is so unlike me that everything is an exploration for us and she is growing into a lovely young lady who is spiritual, kind, tenderhearted, friendly, creative and bright. and she still thinks that her mom is someone she wants to spend time with, and for that i am blessed.
-my little pistol son who is 6 1/2 and so quick and bright, and funny, oh he has such a wonderful sense of humor. he still asks me to scratch his back and lets me cuddle him. he's respectful, passionate, feels things deeply and a joy to be around. he's so similar to my emotional make-up that it terrifies me sometimes, yet he is learning balance and discretion, and is learning delayed gratification. his one dimpled smile can take even the biggest drudgery and turn it into fun. he's going to do great things for god.
-my father is still with us, relatively healthy and relational. it's a blessing to have him close, even for the small times of connection that come between he and our family. when he chooses to eat with us and caresses my fingers while we hold hands in prayer, or squeezes them when my children pray and touch his heart. when he gets talkative and starts to tell me of his childhood, or military days and fills in blanks he doesn't even know exist. he's generous, helpful and hopeful and always wants to fix it and make it better even if i don't want him to. our children are learning that generations are necessary to build community and strength, and offer perspective and wisdom that comes with age. i don't know how long he's going to be with us, but i am grateful.
-our home is warm, safe and relatively clean and organized, and just filled with potential for fix up and improvements.
-our church is healthy and faces problems head on. it's not perfect, or very progressive, but my children are grounded and loved and cared for like we care for other's children. we have community and friends, and those relationship are deepening, and we have learned much in our time here.
-we have a plan for the future. we have begun to dream, to brainstorm, to engage and to plan. we have hope and direction and yet are open to any and all turns and twists that god may have for us. it is fluid and grace-filled, passionate and warm. it gives me something to look forward to and brings me much joy when i take it out of that box in my brain and hold it in open hands, offering it to god. it is good.
-i have a relationship with the triune god that i have never had before. while i have walked away from a safe and orderly faith, that sometimes looks so attractive when i sit amongst the questions, i realize that i am not going back, to go back is slavery and bondage. i have the spectrum between the black and white now, i have a god of shadow and light, where full color depth is far more interesting and rich than the 2-dimensional plastic jesus i used to worship. yes it's harder, scarier and sometimes more frustrating not to have all of the answers, but the intimate personalities of the triune god bring me closer into that constant contact and a fuller understanding of the global implications of faith in the context of all cultures, not just my own. it is truly a dangerous wonder.
i'm sure there are more, but those are the biggies, and i needed to remind myself of the biggies today. god is good, and i'm in a much better mood!
take the pagitt challenge
okay, doug has challenged that those of us who are voting and have made up our minds to spend some time thinking about what happens if the 'other guy' wins.
he writes:
gosh, this is harder than i thought i might be...
-our child tax benefit won't change.
-he loves his daddy and wanted to get the guy who tried to kill him. (that's why we're in this misguided war really isn't it?)
-i could brainstorm a ministry that might be able to get federal funding for 'faith based initiatives'.
-99% of my church will be happy and i won't have to listen to them whine for 4 years.
-i won't have to take any responsibility for having voted for him.
-he'll have to clean up the mess he's made in iraq.
okay, i'm done. i truly can't think of any more... have i become a democratic fundamentalist? help me!
i know it won't be the end of the world if he wins, we've made it through 4 years, 4 more isn't going to end the world as we know it. i just really want god out of the war. and i'd really like gwb to take responsibility for the mistakes he's made. until he does that i really don't feel like i can trust him.
oh and dick chaney scares the hell out of me. too much power with a bad attitude. i'm also a bit freaked out where that power level will lie if they get in again, and then pass the torch onto someone like arnold or rudolph who don't have the church's best interests at heart... that line of separation between church and state really has gotten blurry hasn't it? remember church - that line was there to protect US!
i will lay this at the feet of james dobson if this intimacy between church and state goes poorly for the church. okay, rant over.
he writes:
I think each candidate for president should be asked, "Given the fact that the other guy has the potential to be president, what do you think would be the upside to that? What benefits would we see if he wins?"my favorite line is:
When you ask a fundamentalist (the ultimate extreme of "my side" "your side" people) to change their mind, you are asking then to concede far more than a point. You are asking them to leave a community.coming from a 'fundamentalist background' i want to stay far away from that danger again, so i will take his challenge and try to come up with some 'good things' that might happen if gwb wins on tuesday (or whenever it is they declare a winner).
Opinions on topics should not create "sides".
gosh, this is harder than i thought i might be...
-our child tax benefit won't change.
-he loves his daddy and wanted to get the guy who tried to kill him. (that's why we're in this misguided war really isn't it?)
-i could brainstorm a ministry that might be able to get federal funding for 'faith based initiatives'.
-99% of my church will be happy and i won't have to listen to them whine for 4 years.
-i won't have to take any responsibility for having voted for him.
-he'll have to clean up the mess he's made in iraq.
okay, i'm done. i truly can't think of any more... have i become a democratic fundamentalist? help me!
i know it won't be the end of the world if he wins, we've made it through 4 years, 4 more isn't going to end the world as we know it. i just really want god out of the war. and i'd really like gwb to take responsibility for the mistakes he's made. until he does that i really don't feel like i can trust him.
oh and dick chaney scares the hell out of me. too much power with a bad attitude. i'm also a bit freaked out where that power level will lie if they get in again, and then pass the torch onto someone like arnold or rudolph who don't have the church's best interests at heart... that line of separation between church and state really has gotten blurry hasn't it? remember church - that line was there to protect US!
i will lay this at the feet of james dobson if this intimacy between church and state goes poorly for the church. okay, rant over.
Sunday, October 31, 2004
Saturday, October 30, 2004
i remember
365 days ago mike yaconelli died in his truck near Yreka, CA. i remember it like it was yesterday. i had just had this intense, urgent need to call youth specialties to find out how they were fairing in the wild fires they were having last year. i can't remember the receptionist's name, but i can remember her voice.
she was in shock. i guess she had just gotten off the phone or had just been informed about mike's death. i think i was the first person she told. she said 'mike just died in a car accident'. i felt like i was in the twilight zone. no, i didn't want this information. i wanted to know you are all okay because of the fires. i felt like i had been punched in the stomach.
i asked if i could leave a message on karla's voice mail, and i stumbled through some lame words of hopeful comfort. i had just seen him, less than a month earlier - vibrant, healthier than he'd ever been. when i commented on how good he looked he told me it was because of his new exercise program - sex, and lots of it. how could he be gone?
i called liam and stumbled through the phone call between sobs. it was real finally when i had to verbalize it to him. that began such a surreal season of grief. how could i be so affected by someone i wasn't related to or even could call a personal friend? i felt guilty for feeling so lost, so angry, so confused. i realized as i processed all of this in the months to follow that mike was a mentor for liam and i. we had never had anyone in our life ever give us permission to fall madly in love with jesus and let him wreck our lives. permission to care for our souls, permission to laugh as part of worship, permission to be irreverently reverent. he was one of a kind.
i missed him at convention greatly. it wasn't the same without him. so for those of you who knew him, loved him and cherish him in your hearts still, i grieve with you today. the world is still somehow less wonderful without him here.
my tribute to yac.
she was in shock. i guess she had just gotten off the phone or had just been informed about mike's death. i think i was the first person she told. she said 'mike just died in a car accident'. i felt like i was in the twilight zone. no, i didn't want this information. i wanted to know you are all okay because of the fires. i felt like i had been punched in the stomach.
i asked if i could leave a message on karla's voice mail, and i stumbled through some lame words of hopeful comfort. i had just seen him, less than a month earlier - vibrant, healthier than he'd ever been. when i commented on how good he looked he told me it was because of his new exercise program - sex, and lots of it. how could he be gone?
i called liam and stumbled through the phone call between sobs. it was real finally when i had to verbalize it to him. that began such a surreal season of grief. how could i be so affected by someone i wasn't related to or even could call a personal friend? i felt guilty for feeling so lost, so angry, so confused. i realized as i processed all of this in the months to follow that mike was a mentor for liam and i. we had never had anyone in our life ever give us permission to fall madly in love with jesus and let him wreck our lives. permission to care for our souls, permission to laugh as part of worship, permission to be irreverently reverent. he was one of a kind.
i missed him at convention greatly. it wasn't the same without him. so for those of you who knew him, loved him and cherish him in your hearts still, i grieve with you today. the world is still somehow less wonderful without him here.
my tribute to yac.
what kind of blogger are you?
|
You Are a Life Blogger! |
 Your blog is the story of your life - a living diary. If it happens, you blog it. And make it as entertaining as possible. |
thanks clarence!
Friday, October 29, 2004
winds of change are a blowin'
things that make me go hmmmmm.........
is it just me or could 2005 be a huge year for change? castro has fallen and many at his age find they are unable to recover from that kind of injury. arafat's health is failing, new leadership in palestine could be on the radar. it just feels like something momentous is going to happen in this next year.
is it just me or could 2005 be a huge year for change? castro has fallen and many at his age find they are unable to recover from that kind of injury. arafat's health is failing, new leadership in palestine could be on the radar. it just feels like something momentous is going to happen in this next year.
Come gather round people wherever you roam
And admit that the waters around you have grown
And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone
If your time to you is worth saving
Then you'd better start swimming or you'll sink like a stone
For the times, they are a changing
Come writers and critics who prophesize with your pens
And keep your eyes open, the chance won't come again
And don't speak too soon, the wheel's still in spin
And there's no telling who that it's naming
Oh the loser will be later to win
For the times, they are a changing
Come senators, congressmen, please head the call
Don't stand in the doorway, don't block up the hall
For he that gets hurt will be her that has stalled
The battle outside ragging will soon shake your windows
And rattle your hall
For the times, they are a changing
Come mothers and fathers all over this land
And don't criticize what you can't understand
Your sons and your daughter are beyond your command
Your old role is rapidly aging
Please get out of the new one if you can't lend a hand
For the times they are a changing
The line, it is drawn, the curse, it is cast
The slow one will later be fast
And the present now will soon be the past
The order is rapidly fading
The first one now will later be last
For the times, they are a changing
Bob Dylan - Times They Are A Changing
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)